Friendzoned

[ALittleAnonymous]

I wanted to create this thread for a while now but figured I'd prefer it more when somewhat anonymous. The issue is me being a nice guy and getting friendzoned by girls. Most girls take me as a quiet guy who they can often talk to about their personal boyfriend issues and such. I'm always there listening to their issues, I'll always be there providing the listening ear. However sometimes it kind of annoys me. I have been quite a laid back guy who usually prefers to hide in his shelf, but started going out recently with girls more and more which I really enjoy. Sadly those girls don't really seem to see me as potential boyfriends as they keep on talking about how pretty other guys are and how insecure they are about interracting with them. I'm not saying I'm in love with any of these girls, but I do like them and thanks to them I started going out more and more. It's just all those boyfriend talks which sometimes annoy me. I'm wondering how on earth I am able to make myself more visible to them and other girls, without them mentioning it. It's kinda ambiguous: I don't want to change the situation, but I always would like to change it a little bit, just so I am more of a person and less like a listening ear. Hopefully I made sense writing this all up. Any help is appreciated.

 

[WeRnIE]

You should not listen to their boyfriend issues, you have to act like you don't care about them, then you will look mysterious and cool.
Also, if a girl has a boyfriend, then why do you care about her at all?

Play hard to get, that's the answer.

 

[Furreal]

Kinda agree with Wernis here, you're acting like some sort of best friend who has no intention on being with them. If you know that all they're going to do is talk about their boyfriends to you, why waste your time with them? Find someone and don't just always listen to them, you need to talk about things too. Learn to flirt with others and just start flirting with the girls that DO NOT HAVE A BOYFRIEND. Things should open up for you and I wish you luck man.

 

[jackthehackm8]

You should not listen to their boyfriend issues, you have to act like you don't care about them, then you will look mysterious and cool.
Also, if a girl has a boyfriend, then why do you care about her at all?

Play hard to get, that's the answer.

play too hard you lose your opportunity

but as they always say, nice guys finish last

 

[WeRnIE]

No one says that you have to stay out of her radar.
You stay in the radar, show that you like to communicate/spend time with her, but don't appear desperate (by the way you approach, talk etc).
Be in control, don't give the control to her, that's the mistake that a lot of guys make.

 

[malakadang]

Girls don't see those they talk about 'boyfriend issues' with as potential boyfriends. That's one aspect of your problem. If they don't see you as a potential boyfriend, then they see you as a friend, ie, friendzoned. If girls viewed you as a potential boyfriend, then they wouldn't bring up their 'boyfriend issues', as that's a pretty bad mating strategy.

A lot of people say nice guys finish last, and that's only because nice guys tend to lack-confidence and not be exciting. Girls like confidence and excitement (until they're older, then they start prioritizing family, money, and the future). Simply playing hard to get without being perceived as confident or exciting will get you nowhere. Playing hard to get while being perceived as confident and exciting is the key.

As an aside, it is better to focus on yourself than the girl. If the only reason you're concerned is because you're getting friend-zoned by some girls you like, then it probably isn't worth changing yourself.

 

[WeRnIE]

Girls don't see those they talk about 'boyfriend issues' with as potential boyfriends. That's one aspect of your problem. If they don't see you as a potential boyfriend, then they see you as a friend, ie, friendzoned. If girls viewed you as a potential boyfriend, then they wouldn't bring up their 'boyfriend issues', as that's a pretty bad mating strategy.

A lot of people say nice guys finish last, and that's only because nice guys tend to lack-confidence and not be exciting. Girls like confidence and excitement (until they're older, then they start prioritizing family, money, and the future). Simply playing hard to get without being perceived as confident or exciting will get you nowhere. Playing hard to get while being perceived as confident and exciting is the key.

As an aside, it is better to focus on yourself than the girl. If the only reason you're concerned is because you're getting friend-zoned by some girls you like, then it probably isn't worth changing yourself.

Agree with everything and highlighted part is very important. I noticed that most of the time I receive a lot of interest from girls when I focus on myself, no matter if you like someone or not. When you focus on yourself, you invest in yourself (clothes, things that make you happy, it does not have to be material things). You put yourself first and don't like every girl's picture on IG/Facebook (don't be thirsty). Enjoy your life and that will attract girls.

 

[AzzDar]

In the end all girls are different, there's no method. Find someone who complements you, not just wonder about the general female quota. If a girl can't appreciate you being there for her, then it's not like you would want to be with her anyways.

But one thing, don't feed compliments, that shows deeper insecurity then you know.

 

[ShipTheFlip]

Stop caring. Don't worry about being in a relationship 24/7. Live your life and focus on yourself, and eventually she'll come. I don't know about everyone else, but every time I have gone out actively pursuing a relationship for long periods of time it's never worked out. Focus on making yourself happy, then worry about making two people happy (yourself and mystery girl). If your happiness depends upon being in a relationship it's not the right kind of happiness.

PS ditch the girls with boyfriends. Unless you like having them as friends and don't just wanna fuck. But if you wanna fuck then evacuate the premises ASAP cause you're with the wrong crowd.

Good luck man! We've all been there, she'll come along eventually once you quit looking for her.

 

Sometimes a girl doesn't realize how much she wants a man always around her, until he gets a girl. Sometimes a girl wants a little puppy dog that can do all the tricks and things she says and listen to, but you don't have sex with puppy dogs. Sometimes we may not be on their level of attraction so to them a relationship would take awhile to conjure up after years of brainwashing and showing your personality.
A persons entire perspective of you is based on first impressions, If you come off as someone they would date within the first 2 minutes of contact you are golden pony boy. If not you are potentially in the friend zone unless she is so drawn to you for some reason that she must have you, then they take the initiative. Those are my views though, so personal opinion and all that I'm a man, what do i know about the female psyche

 

[Invoker]

stunt on them hoes by flexing and your attention will be their problem. facts

 

[SwappedMyGold]

You should not listen to their boyfriend issues, you have to act like you don't care about them, then you will look mysterious and cool.
Also, if a girl has a boyfriend, then why do you care about her at all?

Play hard to get, that's the answer.

I agree, girls are like babys, always want the 'toy' they can't have ^^

 

As someone who got crushed with the friendzone as a nice guy for many years I have a few things to let you think about.

1) If you're speaking to a girl you like who has recently broken out of a relationship, don't be the guy to offer emotional support. Girls love drama and gossip. She will list all the things her ex has done to piss her off. You may see this as an advantage but it's really not. Chances are she will see you as a friend who can give her support and attention 24/7 (just like some of her female friends). She will friendzone you before you even know it, and you'll misread all of her signs as false attraction. Then you will be hurt.

2) Being the nice guy can actually you not being honest to yourself that you're being manipulative. You're going out of your way to give a 10/10 impression, which you wouldn't do with your male friends or any female friends you're not attracted to. This will always result in failure as she has your attention too easily.

3) Don't try girls who have ex's or current boyfriends/flings close by as it's 9/10 times a waste of time as their main focus is on that other guy. If these guys in question are 'getting in the way' they've read you from a mile off and are protecting 'their girl' from you.

4) Keep busy and put your activities and/or studies/career before replying to a girl (if text/online interaction etc). Replying instantly has no game and girls lose interest quickly as they no longer find you mysterious and may even see you as emotionally immature.

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It is hard to fully understand your situation as there are so many possibilities and there is no magic formula to seduce women. It either happens or it doesn't. Trying to find a magical solution is being the manipulative nice guy who doesn't realise he's being selfish.

I've been there believe me. I've had points in my life where i was acting all fairytale and thought 'she' was the only one. Other times I've been the 'insecure player' who thinks because he's speaking to lots of girls then one will magically jump into bed with him.

Just keep focusing on improving yourself, and not trying to be someone you're not. Develop different areas of your life and you will become a person with diverse interests and fun to be around. Keep trying with girls and accept rejection although it can really hurt sometimes. Trust me, a few months down the line you may even silly for liking a girl so much.

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I hope that somewhat makes sense. I could go on forever about my past experiences but to be honest what my conclusions are of my past are just the conclusions i've come to and may be different from you or anyone else.

If you feel a bit lost and unsure where to begin. Do by all means do some online research.But don't sign up to any bullshit courses or communities which claim they have secrets to seducing women. There is none. End of story.

The closest you can get is understand social cues, and actually trying over and over again.

As the cliche goes, practice makes perfect.

 

[Program]

The way to be that person is to be that person. Ask them out, make your intent known. They'll see you as a friend as long as you act like their friend only. I've been in similar situations often and the way you turn them is to go for it and make it what you want it to be. Best of luck!

 

[Im Solo]

Do not play "Hard to get" that shit does not work. That's how you end up at home alone everyday here on sythe and RS. Real way is to actually try. You can't just sit back and listen to their boyfriend problems. Make your intentions known, if a girl knows from the start what you want your pretty set up brotha. Making your intentions known makes it so your not wasting your time and your not wasting theirs either. The best success I've had was being straight up, blatant and to the point. "Wow your beautiful, do you have a boyfriend? / You look amazing today, your boyfriends a lucks guy."(the second one works in multiple ways, one it's a compliment, 2 it starts a conversation because now they have to say that they either do or don't have a boyfriend, if they don't proceed you just got your in. If they say they do have a guy fuck off cuz you don't fuck around with girls that are already taken. Hope it helps

 

[OrangeCounty]

Only time I've been able to break the friend zone glass ceiling is by withdrawing from being overly attentive. Not exactly playing hard to get but just expressing less interest. Has worked and failed though

 

[Sun]

OP msg'd me requesting lock. Pls don't post on old posts, I've removed those who commented.