Emptyness

Hi, i'll be straight forward here. I'm 19 years old and will be heading this September to university for Graphics Design. I have been designing for 2 years now. So basically in terms of my social life, it is quite shit and bad. Even though I have friends etc...I still feel empty, i don't know how to explain the feeling of being empty, but I really do feel empty and I sat by myself to think through it.

This empty feeling is coming from not feeling cared for, it feels like no one really likes to chat with me. My friends think im hilarious because when I complain I say funny shit and they laugh. It hurts me for a minute, then i forget about it and move on.

When it comes to girls, i got no "close friend" that is a female. Infact, the ones I know are just ordinary friends that I barely even talk to, and even when I talk to them and start the convo, they never talk to me back and ask me questions and show they are interested. While my friends they all have friends that are girls and active social lives.

While here I am being so introverted, and i am introverted, but it's starting to affect me negatively.

 

In order to create this sort of "being in the loop" feel, you have to really put yourself out there. Meaning you would have to go out with friends or solo, meet and make new friends. Meet their friends and make friends with their friends! (lol) Converse with anyone about anything, just to refresh and hone social experience. (What kind of shoes are those? Hey where did you get that hat?)

Hey did you go to "xyz" school? No? Oh sorry I thought I seen you there before - Easy opener right there, then you can branch depending on whats going on in the environment. Sound easier said than done, but the more repetition the more easy it will be. Possibly try to find a club around your university that you are interested in, and join up and make new friends from that. 19 years old, you can hit up some parties too. Real friends are hard to come by nowadays. This new age has resorted to online interactions, so don't feel bad if a girl looks at you like you have three-heads because she lacks the proper social skills to interact.

PS - You could try Tinder if have too, I have a friend that has the app and he has gotten a few hits. Best of luck.

 

Emptyness is essentially the feelings that lack purpose or meaning. It create a general isolation, and social awkwardness. This can be the start to possible addictions, or maybe even depression. Although i have been here myself, people handle these issues in different ways. many therapist can suggest different ways to cope with this, but it really comes down to what helps you feel comfortable. i know in the past, that i 'friends' would suggest me going out to watch a game or grab a drink, maybe go to a party, but that wasnt what i really wanted to do. what i needed was more of a self empowering technique. Explore things/possible hobbies that would make myself feel better that im accomplishing new tasks. for me, i picked up skateboarding again. I gradually went to a skatepark, watched videos, taught myself a few basic things. as time evolved, i was learning new tricks, getting kudos from strangers for landing said tricks with style. i created a common hobby among other people. those people became acquaintances, and later on, friends. Emptiness soon disappeared. People tend say things like, "put yourself out there," but you and me both know, how hard of a task that really is. being scared to get turned down or rejected, plunging oneself deeper into emptiness. my advice is to take time learning about yourself, and conquering personal goals. Those completed goals will open a number of doors to fulfill that emptiness little by little.

 

Instead of basing your happiness on what others are doing (which increases the empty feeling since you feel you aren't worth anything or do what others do), keep yourself centered and find joy in the things you do.

I used to be in a similar situation as you are, but I occupy myself now with things that bide my time and things that improve my life. Try little things for yourself, like a new hobby or working out. Something to improve yourself. It comes down sometimes to an acceptance of who you are as a person and making the best of what you got.

Good luck to you friend.

 

Like many said it's a product of our technology. The ability to communicate without interactions. I'm sure everyone has been there or will be there at one point or another. It will take time and an honest effort on your part as friendship is a two way street.

 

Educate yourself so you can join in a lot of conversations & experience life. If you travel you can gain experience and you will also have a lot of interesting stories to tell. And like other's said it really happens to all of us, especially in your age. And your about to take your first year in college? i suppose that's what i understood when i read your line. College is where you create the most relationships & meet even more friends

 

You'll be going to college so you'll be around a lot of people. That'll give you the opportunity to meet and interact with people in all types of different ways. You'll realize soon that a lot of people are just as concerned, paranoid and anxious as everyone else; some people just show it better, some not.

I'll give you what I'm finding to be the most influential changes that I've made for myself in the way of emptiness; Exercise. Get yourself fit. You can not covet your mind and leave your body for the dogs. Take care of yourself and your outlooks will get so much better.

 

Lowkey i feel you man. Stay strong brother.

 

Do something that makes you happy man, if u need anyone to ever talk to just add me on skype

 

Get out there and spend time with people. Hit up an old friend you haven't hung out with in a while, have a good time and make plans to do it again sometime. I feel you though man, I'm the same way lately except I chose to be.

 

It's never easy, but you really just gotta put yourself out there. I used to be really introverted, and still am at times, but I learned I was a lot happier with myself when I could keep a conversation or talk to somebody first even if just for a few moments. You're allowed to take baby steps when you're out of your comfort zone. Things got easier when I realized, most people are worried about the same things.

If your friends make you feel hurt even for a minute when they laugh at something that wasn't supposed to be funny, let them know. Voice how you feel, don't be passive. Being passive may be easy, but you should let people know what you want. What's gonna happen if you say that they were making you uncomfortable? They're gonna say sorry and move on. If they're mean about it, I think you need some new friends.

College holds a lot of opportunity and allows you room to transform as a person. I truly believe as long as you go out and do things, even if by yourself at first, you'll meet people along the way. Try and make friends with people in your classes. A good start is trying to be in a study group, or getting a number from someone in case you ever miss class and need to know what was lectured that day. Simple interaction is always a good thing. (P.S.: Never miss class.) If there are other seemingly shy kids in one of your classes, try talking to them. Usually the hardest part is saying hi for the first time. Sit next to someone who seems to be sitting alone. Ask first: "Hey, is someone sitting here?" Chances are they'll be relieved that someone is interacting with them. Granted, you're the one who is also introverted, but you just gotta test out being a little bit more pro-active about your social life. Usually an entirely different environment (college) lets you do this. If you live on campus, a good thing to do is sit around in public areas with your laptop. Designing something? Go sit in a TV room (not sure what's on your campus, but we had loads of different places to just sit). I used to eat my meals in the cafe and use my computer afterwards, forcing myself to spend a little time out in the open. Every once and a while, I'd see a classmate and say hi.

Be unafraid to try new things, or be a more bold you, because there's going to be so many new people who don't know you. Think of it this way: when was the last time you were embarrassed for someone because they were happy talking to people? Humans thrive on interaction, you just have to get used to it.

I hope you understand that just knowing people even a little bit will help you feel more comfortable with yourself. You don't need validation from others to feel important, and that's my point here. People will talk to you because they think you're nice or cool or talented; because of you.

Maybe it's not good advice for you, but it worked for me. Most people will talk to you a second time, you just gotta take the first step.