Disputing Discord Community Ban + Full Apology

Hello guys, today I was banned in the Discord for using offensive language and firstly I would like to apologize profusely to everyone. I am not here to make ANY excuses for my behavior, because at the end of the day I did it and have to accept the painful responsibility for what I did. I do not mean this lightly, the Sythe community discord is like a brotherhood to me and it hurts to have it all taken away from me. I understand it could be a lot worse, I do still have my business and my health and my family but it's important that I extend my deepest apologies for what I did.

I would just like to explain myself and offer a complete and total apology for what I did. An important reason why this is not at all okay is that there are all walks of life in the Sythe discord, and it could be insensitive to a very large number of them. It could harm someone's mental health and well-being. Really it just shows a complete lack of respect for others and their beliefs.

It may be okay for some people or even seem okay AT THE TIME, but it is very hurtful to people who are present or someone who heard about it later. Just saying it alone could inspire someone else who heard it to also repeat it and create a cycle of vicious toxicness. I feel my power in the Sythe discord has perpetuated a cycle of people using it and that is absolutely not okay.

A larger reason why this is absolutely not okay to do is because it could lead to a misunderstanding or misinterpretation that I'm actually just trolling. Although I was just trolling, some people may take serious offense to that word and that alone makes it absolutely not okay to say in any context. I've had many people that have trusted me that I've completely disappointed and it makes me feel like complete shit if i'm being honest.

Another reason why this behavior is absolutely not okay is the fact that I'm currently in college and working to better myself in all aspects of life; I am currently working on a engineering major. If a potential employer, or head of dean at my school saw me participating in this behavior it would be absolutely detrimental and ruin my life. People who saw me use the word could post to social media sites and blackmail me for using the word and ruin my life.

There are also people who view my Sythe account selling threads and now have a completely different view of me when they go through my profile and see that I was being an immature fucktard and said the N word. I have lost thousands in income, respect from others, and a complete loss of trust from Sythe staff members (many of which I completely admire for putting so much work into keeping sythe safe).

I have taken a step back and realized how privileged I am in life. Many people are not afforded even close to some of the privileges I have in life. I have my health, my girlfriend, my business, my job, going to college; some marginalized colored people have none of these things.

There are also serious consequences between IRL and saying it online. Saying it online is mostly anonymous so it seems okay to be funny and edgy at the butt of a joke but it is ABSOLUTELY not okay. If I said anything close to the N word in real life I could potentially lose my life if someone takes it the wrong way. I have a pretty lean build (no muscle, really skinny) so I would not be able to protect myself from someone much stronger than me who takes it the wrong way.

I had someone who was interested in purchasing an account for over $2,000.00 from me. They then went through my Sythe posts and previous threads and saw that I was being a racist douchebag so they decided against the purchase.

I've also found it tremendously difficult to make new friends on the Sythe Discord community channel because people who go through my profile can look at my posts and see how much I've used the N word. I join voice chat to try and catch up with friends I've known on this site for years and no one takes me seriously anymore when I try to be serious. Being edgy like that is not funny, hip, or cool. It's completely disrespectful shit that hurts a lot of people. I cannot stress enough how unfunny it is to try and be cool and use a "gamer word" for a few laughs or jokes.

The N word has a daunting history that dates back centuries and has been used on many occasions to dehumanize black people. Using this word can trigger serious distress in anyone who doesn't want to hear it. I know it may seem like im trolling, but it actually hurts my heart knowing that many people could've read what I said and had their entire day ruined by it.

All of this reflects poorly on not only my character but my maturity. The fact that I said it shows that I need to do some serious research on the implications of the word and its history. It also shows that I have a complete lack of empathy for others and I will probably need to get some tests done to see if I'm borderline psychopathic/schizophrenic or what other mental issues I might have.

There are also some very serious consequences for using that word. If I remember correctly there was a case in Ohio where someone was using hate speech and promptly put in jail for 17 years for the incident. If I took an extreme example, and that sentence was doubled; I would literally be in jail until I'm 64 for using that word.

If someone like me who uses the word is a lighter skin tone, It could also be seen as me trying to steal their culture. Although this wasn't my intention, I could absolutely see how someone who has a darker skin tone could take offense to it in this manner. There are many rap artists, people who write and produce music that say it because they have the history to back it - us lighter skin toned people don't so that makes it completely not okay to say at all.

Racism is something that should be dismantled, not encouraged or be used at the expense of hard working people who are just trying to make it in life. Using that word breaks down a colored person's character, and dehumanizes all the hard work they've done in life. Some of them work their entire fucking lives just to have a small semblance of a normal life. Me saying that shit spits in the face of all of that.

It makes me think of all the years spent building social justice, just for me to say fuck it and try to crack a stupid cheesy joke at the expense of others. African American groups such as NAACP, ColorOfChange, BAFJI, BGC, have spent years fighting for African American empowerment just for me to go and ruin it all.

Overall, I have ruined opportunities, missed connections, and hindered growth of my business all because I decided to be immature and use the N word. I will even feel the ramifications through this thread when people eventually see it, and will probably never see the growth my business once had. I feel like complete shit for getting myself into this mess. I am asking for forgiveness and am risking it all just at a single digit percentage chance that I will be forgiven. I'm sorry to every staff and member that reads this. Please forgive me.

Please don't hesitate to reach me at any time and I am happy to answer any questions. Thank you so much for your time guys.