Depressed + Withdraw

Hey all. I just wanted to get some friendly advice from a few of you guys because I'm a little lost right now with all the things that have been going on. I'll try and keep this as short as possible, because obviously you didn't come here to read a book .

So over the past 2 1/2 - 3 years I've been extremely depressed over having to move in with my father. I don't even call him that normally, nor describe him as a human being. I moved in after living with my grandparents for all of my life. They had to take me in because this common jackass, and the mother I haven't seen almost all my life, left to go out, get high, go to prison, and get involved with the stupid people. Now people make mistakes, yes. But over and over... no.

Anyways, the reason I moved in here is because my grandfather got extremely ill to the point where we actually watched him die. He was a veteran, a good man to my grandmother, and always was a father figure to me and my little brother. A little after he died, my grandmother couldn't really take care of us both on what little she had. So if anyone had to suffer, I chose to move in because I didn't want my brother to even get to know him and fall into his games.

After I moved in it was constant beating, drinking, drugs, and mind games. He's gotten me arrested for "running away" several times and placed in juvenile hall (yes they do that here) for "running away". Half the times I didn't run, I just wanted to go visit my grandmother and he knew about it. Just felt like getting me in trouble.

That's when I got CYS involved, and got counseling. CYS didn't believe any forms of abuse even though I starved for days and he was constantly high. There's literally 9 other people here. Nobody can afford anything. It's just not a good place. Through counseling I got some medication to sleep and to aid in my depression. I got severely addicted to the Ambien somehow, even though I never abused it and it was prescribed.

When I finally got the balls to ask for something different the doc starts giving me drugs for Schizophrenia to "sleep." All this is really starting to get to me, it doesn't seem like much, but there is a lot I left out to make it somewhat readable. I just don't want the horrible side effects of this medication so I won't take it, but the doctor won't give me anything else to sleep. If I don't get to sleep I stay up for days at a time without tiring. So work/school is awful with no sleep, on top of the depression and withdraw of the Ambien and other drugs the doc gave me.

Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with the situation at hand? And maybe get some sleep on top of it?

If you actually got this far, I sincerely thank you for reading this and taking the time to do so. If you have any questions about this thing I call a life, I'll be glad to answer... but I've actually never been open or talked to anyone but my ex about this at ALL.

 

This sounds like a horrible life you are living at the moment. Can you let us know how old you are to better offer advice?

 

I am sorry to hear about your current situation, but it will get better, Hang in there.

 

Hmm

I'd say you should open a formal inquiry into your family situation. Try and get emancipation papers signed. Do you want to leave? Do you want to just tolerate him for the next few years? Try and get counseling at school or juvie. Good luck

 

Unfortunately emancipation is expensive and an extensive process. Many people I know say that it takes longer to get out than just waiting. I'm not sure what you mean by formal inquiry, but CYS (Children and Youth Services, a government agency) is involved already. They just don't think its a bad home. I believe its my caseworker that is just trying to irk me because he's on my dad's side. So I requested a new one, not happening. They don't believe in it.

 

It sounds like your home environment is completely toxic and unsafe for you (let alone anybody) to be living in. I don't know where you live, or what kind of options are available to you, but I know around here there is a Ministry that deals with broken families and youth that are struggling because of a very chaotic life at home.

In my opinion, you need to find an organization like this (not just a regular counsellor) immediately and set up a meeting with somebody so you can explain your situation. There are people out there who will help, and can probably get you into some kind of independent living situation with income assistance in order to get you out of your Dad's house. I wish I had more advice to offer you man, I feel very horrible that you have to put up with that kind of shit and that you are under so much stress. Just stay strong and keep your head up and you will find a way out.. I had a rough time at home when I was 16 and I got on a youth program that helped me find a place to live that was safe environment. Good luck man.

 

Talk to your school therapist? Your vice principal? Assuming you go to a public school, they are legally obligated to maintain confidentiality, but also, to get you help. You could possibly bypass this unhelpful caseworker. Do you have a camera? You could take pictures of anything going on (be very, very careful) and give them to CYS. How old are you?


You seem like a really good kid. I wish you the best. PM me if you want, I know far too many psych majors that'd be happy to help.

 

You have become dependent upon Ambien for sleep.

Aside from all of the other things going wrong in your life, a complete withdraw from the meds would eventually set your body back to normal in terms of sleep. My suggestion for sleep would be stay away from the meds and let your body adjust.

The next few days will be hell without sleep, but it's much better for you then being addicted / dependent to/on meds.

 

Do you mind telling us how old you are and what country you're from?
In England your father would have been arrested a long time ago.