I don't want to forget everything that we once were. It hit me today. That I may never see or speak to you ever again. It breaks my heart. Maybe you blocked me on Skype and are ignoring my messages so that I could finally feel what you felt. When I called you names, joked about you being homosexual, pushed you out, and rejected all of your effort.
It hurts, bad. I'm sorry I made you feel this way and worse. I understand now why you're always trying to get me banned even though it always ends up backfiring on you. I'm sorry that I was blind to this. I got selfish and was angry at you for making the "right" decision. I'm sorry that I destroyed us by taking it too far. I know at this point being friends is a lot to ask for, but someday in the future I hope you can forgive me and see that I'm still the same girl you fell in love with.
We deserved much better in our ending. I've been overcome in the past few hours with just pure sadness. I'm sorry that I've let you down like this. I'm sorry I couldn't be the bigger person. I've more than let you down, I've damaged your ability to trust, to love, to be open. I regret that I made someone like you suffer this way. Please just know that I'm sorry. We may never talk again, but I just need you to know that I'm sorry. I'm so so so so sorry.
I guess I'm just an incredibly selfish person but I'm trying extremely hard to improve (John has been helping me). I'm sorry that you had to be victim to it. How you still talked to me after all this is incredible. You are so much greater of a person than I and you deserve better. I think we both learned so much from this experience. I don't want to remember all the bad things, but the good times we had together. I forgot them so easily because you were so far away. I was never the kind of girl who could do long distance and I'm sorry that I crushed us like this just so that I could be "free" whatever that means because now I just feel so lost.
Anyways, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry and I now understand your perspective. I don't want you to feel that I just left you in the dark and am moving on content with my life. That's completely wrong. The further we get from the situation the more I think about it. I should've been there for you when we broke up as your friend even if the I couldn't as your girlfriend. I'm so sorry for that. I betrayed you, backstabbed you, abused our trust and just all around shat on our friendship that we've built for so long. Just know that I'll always love you.
I want us to be friends again someday. I know it's too soon and the wound is still healing, but I just want you to know that I want friendship. I do. You are still the most interesting, funny, witty, clever and talented person I've ever met. It's just something I've come to realize that we were the best of friends, but as I mentioned before we wandered into love. I had to accept that you were perfect, but not perfect for me. I wanted so badly for you to be, but in my heart I knew it wasn't working and you did too. I was wrong for you too. I wish I could've gently come to this realization instead of leading all hell to break loose. Again, I'm sorry and I hope we can reconnect someday soon when we're both in a better place. I'm Sorry for all the heartache I've caused you. I wish I could just take it from you and place the burden of it on me.
Yours truly,
Heads447
