Currently battling with depression

[Swamer]

I've been going to the psychologist and psychiatrist, i am also taking pills (venlefaxina) During my entire life i was depressed not knowing i was, slowly going down overtime to the point i was flat-lining, just stayed in my room playing games and smoking cigs.

Now that I've taken my protective bubble off and dealing with all my shit, it hits hard when you remember things and suddenly realize as if you had put glasses at last that you were a shitty person, 28th of December I seriously considered killing myself, since then I've been having anxiety/panic attacks that make me wish i was dead already. i know they will pass but dam I'm exhausted and I'm also a month away from moving to another country in Europe with barely any money, hoping to make it and maybe just maybe change my life, I am married, she is really happy that I'm so close to finally go (the last flight left 1 day before mine when quarantine was applied.) but I'm truly afraid, what if i don't make it, what if i just end up crashing and burning. sighs. just writing these words feel like a small weight was lifted from my chest.

Guys I ask, how did you manage to handle your depression? because now that i don't flat-line at the bottom i feel I'm at a fair ride up and down x-x

 

[Johnson]

Never dealt with depression so i don't know the extent of it, thus any advice out of me will probably be things you already know. However...
I don't know if you're up to this but I hear that pets are great companions when dealing with depression.

 

[Swamer]

yes, but not good for either when you only live in a small room, even with cat sand and regular cleaning, it got to a point that i would go out not knowing i was smelling like cat pee. and dam just remembering it is like fuck!

But thanks for your words johnson. I do appreciate the concern.

 

[Zondre]

Well music generally helps me with problems. You know, clearing your mind in that situation is the best thing you can do. Much love, mate

-

 

[Swamer]

yea, ive been slowly hearing more music i would say its akin to coming out of the shell, and realize you are 31 and life went by. im in the process of standing up and dust myself off to continue living. well to actually be alive for once xD. thanks for the good vides zondre apresiated

 

I've been battling with depression since I was no more than 10 years old - I'm now 24, almost 25. I was born disabled because of a mistake my doctor made, and it's been downhill since. I'm told I'll be in a wheelchair 90% of the time when I hit 40. I was constantly made fun of for my disability. Ninth grade, I attempted suicide. Went to school few days later, told a friend, said I should try again. I've tried twice since then.

In my experiences with depression, there are days brighter than others. When you feel like you're having one of those good days, definitely make the most of it. For me, when I feel like I'm having an exceptionally good day, I like to socialize more. I talk more online, I laugh a lot easier, and I eat more actually. On my bad days, which I've been going through a lot more of recently, I notice I'm always tired, not hungry, and hide away in my room more. Eve then, I realize I am and try not to, but it's not always that easy.

For me, music is my escape. I've noticed music has changed my moods entirely. Maybe it's because music is a passion or something, but when I am in a good mood, I surround myself with positive sounding music - upbeat EDM, happy vibe sounds, etc. On days where it's more... eh, I notice I listen to rock and metal more. Music has been my big savior in life, in all honesty. Music may not be your best thing to help, but there's so many different things you could try to have help. Anything can be a hobby if you give it a chance!

 

[Swamer]

my dude my hearth goes to you, and yea. sadly im also using weed to losen up a bit, but trying not to be dependant on it to solve my issues. I'm always down to listen to a new group or nice upbeat songs you find and if you allow me ill do the same! xD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6a-FnIqM0rI

hope you guys enjoy it.

 

my dude my hearth goes to you, and yea. sadly im also using weed to losen up a bit, but trying not to be dependant on it to solve my issues. I'm always down to listen to a new group or nice upbeat songs you find and if you allow me ill do the same! xD

hope you guys enjoy it.

Personally, I've been enjoying a lot of PIKASONIC recently - super upbeat EDM.

 

[Swamer]

good song btw

 

I've been going to the psychologist and psychiatrist, i am also taking pills (venlefaxina) During my entire life i was depressed not knowing i was, slowly going down overtime to the point i was flat-lining, just stayed in my room playing games and smoking cigs.

Now that I've taken my protective bubble off and dealing with all my shit, it hits hard when you remember things and suddenly realize as if you had put glasses at last that you were a shitty person, 28th of December I seriously considered killing myself, since then I've been having anxiety/panic attacks that make me wish i was dead already. i know they will pass but dam I'm exhausted and I'm also a month away from moving to another country in Europe with barely any money, hoping to make it and maybe just maybe change my life, I am married, she is really happy that I'm so close to finally go (the last flight left 1 day before mine when quarantine was applied.) but I'm truly afraid, what if i don't make it, what if i just end up crashing and burning. sighs. just writing these words feel like a small weight was lifted from my chest.

Guys I ask, how did you manage to handle your depression? because now that i don't flat-line at the bottom i feel I'm at a fair ride up and down x-x

Just find what makes you happy, when depression hits just force yourself to do the things that make you happy. It takes willpower but i believe in ya.

 

[Swamer]

thanks for your good vibes my dude, it helps to know there is positivity

 

[Anthtony]

What I will say is that it will get better I assure you that but unfortunately there is no quick fix it takes time, one step at a time and I'm sure you can beat it

 

[Swamer]

Update, it is impresive how just doing something and feeling useful increses your selfestem, been going to the doctor and was moved from from venlefaxina yo sertralina, seems i went from overwhelmingly depressed to a low medium depresion (didn't know it had tiers tbh).

Been feeling better and hearing music to pass the time, always catching those random thoughts that mess you up if you let them. i hope all of you guys are having a great time, and if you need someone to talk to lmk.

 

Update, it is impresive how just doing something and feeling useful increses your selfestem, been going to the doctor and was moved from from venlefaxina yo sertralina, seems i went from overwhelmingly depressed to a low medium depresion (didn't know it had tiers tbh).

Been feeling better and hearing music to pass the time, always catching those random thoughts that mess you up if you let them. i hope all of you guys are having a great time, and if you need someone to talk to lmk.

Good for you buddy, glad swapping it up has showed results for you.

 

[Sonnet]

Most of these comments are from people who obviously don't understand. Like.... people with severe depression aren't truly ever happy like everybody else. The things they once enjoyed aren't the same. Then you begin to think and feel the worthlessness. Then you become more secluded until you always feel alone, even around family and friends. You want to live but think of dying every day. You can be driving and it'll pop into your mind about driving off the side of the road. It's a war every day inside but every day you live you have won a battle. My suggestion would be to try creative writing. Raps, poetry and etc.

 

[Swamer]

dude, yes. you know aswell. my hearth goes out to you. its impresive how its traps you most of the time without you even noticing. i know it may not be much, but lmk if you want to talk, i understand you and even now that i feel better i have days where i notice how much my mood has improved just by how far down i get during those low moments.

 

[Ardinas]

Hi @Swamer,

I notice that this post is quite old and was last commented on a few months ago. I really, sincerely hope that you are doing better now!

That being said, depression is a really sick disease, it rots you from the inside out and like the worst of diseases it's toll takes it's wrath on you over a long sinister period of time. Every single day is a battle, some days are filled with self-resentment, self-pity, and others where your mind trails off to the worst of places. I know this as iv'e been through the lot of it.

That being said, you said you are visiting a psychiatrist and taking medicines, these are designed to help you and help you recover, that is true. But in my opinion, and in my experience you cannot be a passenger in this battle, it requires you to be the driver, and it requires will-power by your own person to help you pull through. I sincerely hope you are doing better now, and if there's anything you want to talk about in-game related, or personal, my private conversation is always open.

Warmest regards,