Crappy parents

Hi guys, I didn't wanna post this on my actual account because I don't wanna sound whiney lol, and I don't rly want a bunch of random online ppl to know my irl stuffs. It's embarrassing for me.

Spoiler: Story time

Anyway, so this is just like, a recap on lots of life things that have happened to me, and how I've been feeling. I just really need to get it all of my chest, not to someone irl that I may have to see every day. It may be quiet jumbled due to bad memory.

Note: most of this info I only found out in recent months, so I think the shock factor has me kinda disabled emotionally. This first part is really about my childhood, and how my brother and I blocked a lot out due to emotional abuse.

To start off, when I was ~5 (brother: ~6), my mother took us down to Maryland (we were living in New York at the time, and she was from MD - she knew some ppl still). My mom had previously been on lots of meds for numerous things, but decided one day she just didn't want to anymore because of how they made her feel. My dad was currently in TX for the military, so he didn't have much say, and didn't really know what was going on. When she took us there, it turned out she wanted a divorce and so my parents separated. My dad was sad ofc, missing his kids at the very least, not knowing the outcome of everything potentially to come. In this time, my mom got herself a bf (iirc he was in his early 20s, but keep in mind she was in her 30s). We stayed with a friend of my mom's, and her bf lived with us too. Eventually, my mom and us moved in with her aunt (basically her mom, she raised her from age 12 on). We missed a boat load of school for literally no reason, and so a lot of legal shit started to go on. My mom basically didn't want to take care of us anymore, so we got sent back up to NY with our gma (my dad's mom) for ~6 mos. She also told my gma that she wanted to kill herself, and so my gma wouldn't give us back when she "asked." Eventually, things got talked out between my parents, my mom got back on her meds, my dad finished with the military, and they got back together (spoiler alert: bad idea). After my dad was out of the military and they resumed a normal civilian life in NY, my dad was selling cocaine, and my mom her prescription drugs. I didn't learn this until last year. I'm 19 now.

We eventually moved down to FL because of a lot of family issues (my mom had issues with my dad's mom, and my dad just kinda submitted to whatever happened). Even after everything my gma did for my dad, we ended up not talking to her for about ~5 or 6 years. I started to visit my gma regularly on school vacations in NY once we got back in contact. My dad began to go away for months at a time for work, and my mom was a stay at home mom (disabled).

When we moved down to FL, everything seemed fine for a while. My parents essentially always had money for everything we needed, and even lots of things we wanted. We were seen as the /rich/ kids in school I guess. But a lot of my upbringing seems like such a lie, because both my parents sold drugs, and my dad was a big gambler.

My senior year of high school, my mom decided she didn't like her meds anymore again, and that's when shit started to happen again. At this time, my dad was still always away at work for 4-6 months at least at a time for work, and my brother was in college, so it was just my mom & I.

Something that happened my sr. year was I went with my mom to a non-VA doctor. The doctor said she didn't have a clean urine sample (hindsight: she actually had cocaine in her system), and she had a mental breakdown. She stormed outside and was crying and screaming and putting herself in a really bad state of mind. She kept calling him a liar. I stayed to talk to the dr. for a little while because I thought she just needed air. Eventually we went outside so he could talk to her. She started freaking out on the dr. so I said I could handle it from her and apologized to him, said we would come back. But then she started to walk down the street. So I got in the car and started to follow her, asking her to get back in the car, but she wouldn't. She seemed delusional or in a trance at this point; not rly being communicative, just crying and walking away. Eventually I had to call an ambulance because she sat on the ground and was hyperventilating, saying she couldn't breathe etc. There were quite a few ppl who stopped to see if we needed help, which was a horrible thing for me because I was trying to be strong, but with ppl there trying to help me since I was just a kid, it felt so easy to cry and break down. Eventually the ambulance came and they took her to the hospital, and I followed. She was in the hospital for a few days. I missed a few days of school taking care of her after that because she would make suicidal comments, but then later she would say she was fine etc. One of her diagnosed problems was bipolar disorder, but she was also doing cocaine at the time, so I'm sure her meds weren't working properly, or she wasn't even taking them but Idk.

Another thing that happened was, she went out one night and didn't come home. I had no idea until the morning when I went to leave for school but realized the car was still gone. (My gparents moved down to FL by now so they were nearby.) Everyone panicked, called hospitals & jails etc., and I even missed school looking for her. She was staying at a hotel because my gma had accused her of being high. We found cocaine in her purse later. (She always was high, I just didn't know it at the time. A lot made sense after the fact.)

The week before Christmas 2014, my mom said that her aunt was dying and needed to go see her in PA. So naturally, I helped my mom pack what she needed. She wanted me to go with her, but I didn't. She left for PA on Christmas day 2014 with our car and our dog. Turns out she just wanted a divorce again, so she never came back. I later found out she stole my ~$4,500 car money to actually get up to PA/fees for apartments etc. She also ended up maxing out multiple credit cards (~$20,000).

My parents still aren't divorced. My dad quit his job to come home and take care of me since I was still in high school. He kept everything afloat for my last few month so high school. Since, my dad has turned into a drug addict (cocaine, and we suspect meth - it's very big in our town and he has the symptoms), started dating an abusive drug dealer, fallen off the grid, and trashed our house then lost our house (it's currently still in foreclosure).

When I started college in June 2015 (before the known drug problem and house situation), my dad started to cash my college benefit checks for himself. I'm currently $16k in debt for one semester of school. I ended up dropping out and have moved a total of 8 times since college because of it. If I wasn't in a relationship, I would currently be homeless because apartments deny me due to the debt being in collections. Later after visiting the house on numerous occasions and trying to go through the mess and collect sentimental valuables before foreclosure, I found a stack of lottery tickets & scratch offs. I took them all because I was curious with how much he spent, so I spent some time later counting it all up for a total of ~$1,500.

I don't even know what to think or feel anymore. Both my parents lied and stole from me. I feel broken, as if I can't feel, but at the same time, I feel depressed. I'm not sure how to explain it. Again, I just needed to vent. If anyone reads it, cool. Not rly expecting it, just need it out there somewhere without my name connected to it. If I come back to the post later/in coming days, I'll add more. But I just can't think right now.

TL; DR: Has anyone else ever had problems with homelessness or abusive and/or drug addict parents?

If you took the time, thank you. If you have any words of encouragement, they're greatly appreciated.

There's two ppl on Sythe who may know bits and pieces of this, so if you know who I am, please don't say anything to me online or in text. Feel free to still reply though, I just don't want direct acknowledgment from anyone. These things are private regardless if you know me, it's all very embarrassing, but I wanted it out in the open at the same time.

Thank you.

 

Wtf? How did they get access to your money? You should handle all that stuff yourself. Sue them.

Half serious, half joking, but that really sucks. Dont know what else to say.

 

Dang, sorry to hear all that hope things start to look up for you buddy

 

My best advice is to not build a huge grudge. People make mistake. Even thought he scale of things that you've went through is much larger than your average mistake, they're your parents. Drug addictions take different tolls on people. Some people can be addicted and still maintain a healthy/positive lifestyle. Some see how negative their life becomes and bounce back, some just let it consume their lives and tear them apart. Be as supportive as you can and try to find any type of help but remember, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

As for not being able to rent an apartment due to your school debt, that seems silly. Do you have any other outstanding debt? Typically any school or medical debts shouldn't effect your situation, as many many people have those types of debts.

Stay strong mate, you can overcome anything.

 

I wouldn't go as far as to say they're bad people, but from what you've told us it does sound like they're pretty poor parents both with drug habits. Although I can say one good thing about your dad from what you've said, He paid for some of your college and fought for you, while your mother seemingly did nothing.

 

Iv'e dealt with stuff like this before. Not drug addiction, but alcohol. It's really not nice so I understand your pain, Iv'e never been in a situation quite like yours yet. I do have to agree with @DaltyF and don't hold a grudge.

I know it's hard, and I completely understand how bad this must feel, but just try and keep going strong, and hopefully you will reach a good point in a relationship with your parents, try and get them the help they need. You can't force the help on them, but try your hardest to get through and try to show them how it is effecting those around them, that's how I helped my family members. Once they see the true nature of their behaviour, they may come to realise the destructive behaviour they have and may feel more inclined to get help.

I wish you all the best, and I really hope your situation gets better. Best of luck, and all the best again.

Edit: Also don't be embarrassed man, things happen to the best of us. If you need someone to talk to, let me know. I'd be happy to help you!

 

My girlfriends mum is addicted to alcohol so i know a lot about what it can to you as the child or family relative. What i would suggest is trying to help them as much as you possibly can but then if nothing seems to be changing then my advice to you would be to just walk away, although it's very hard sometimes it just has to be done and then the person will either realize what they are doing to people and fight to stop and be back in your life, or they won't bother at all because that's the sort of person they are and then you'll realize your doing the right thing.

 

How they got access to your money is mind boggling. Best of luck to you though.

 

That sucks man. my parents are both straight but I dated a girl that was exactly like your mom. She has two kids (12/11) and was constantly taking things given to them by her or family members to fund her addictions. It's hard to not come to the conclusion that they're shitty people, because that's often the case, but there are also good people that got themselves into shitty situations. If they're good people deep down convince them to get help for you and your brothers' sakes. Look up addiction treatment centers near you and try to convince them to go (NOT REHAB). If they're just shitty people I'd just sever all ties. Good luck

 

The main part that did it for me was this:

"I'm currently $16k in debt for one semester of school. I ended up dropping out and have moved a total of 8 times since college because of it."

Because they stole money from you, you've had to make the decision to drop out which you may regret for the rest of your life believe me.

I'm not saying you need college to be successful in life, but the fact the whole experience has been taken from you is unacceptable.

People say “life is unfair", but it doesn't have to be. Your parents made their choices, and are now paying the consequences in one of the most unfortunate ways possible.

I know you may still love your parents, but they'll never consider developing the willpower to quit while you're around. Distance yourself from them and focus on building a successful and inspiring life for yourself.

 

There is a book that is called Toxic parents by susan forward you should buy it and read it. I had a rough childhood as well, after reading that book things became a lot better with me. I eventually asked my parents to read it and after reading it they apologized sincerely so many times!