Ending the War

Here's some alternative lyrics I threw together in 20 mins.

What do you think? (Account for no music)

Code:

Can't take this anymore...
Done fighting this war...
and as I raise my gun,
i declare this battle... done!

I'm Finished with the pain!
there is nothing here to gain!
this war will come to end!
and allow my wounds to mend...

and if you choose to stay,
i'll fight you till the dying day!
when i raise my gun,
and declare this battle done!

*solo*

finished with the pain!
there's nothing left to gain!
When will it all end?
To allow the wounds to mend?

I'll fight you til the dying day!
end the war, if I may!
done sittin on the line,
victory shall be mine!

As i raise my lone gun,
I declare this battle done!

 

Good and bad really. You have some good lines but the bad thing about it is it is way too repetitive.

 

Alright, I shall come up with a bit more content soon.

Any other thoughts?

 

nice song man

 

Add more, and I can add a guitar Track to it. Reading it got a riff in my head already. And about a 30 second solo I can make pretty easily. Part of the solo coming from this: http://sythe.org/showthread.php?p=4686398

 

good, but in songs, there is usually a verse, which is repeated multiple times

 

Eh, not so much mate. You tried way too hard to rhyme. I think it was a nice attempt though.