Calculating EV in all aspects of life

I've always been a small time gambler and have enjoyed the thrill of testing my luck and the like, especially in games of chance with a slight variant of skill involved like poker and Mahjong. I've always understood the odds system and other statistical reasonings behind each game, and being a competitive player, have always enjoyed counting cards to increase my EV. This fascination with statistics slowly pervaded my life.

As I grew up, now at college age, i developed a habit of being incredibly calculative, to the point where it affected my day to day life. At first it would be something smaller like calculating the opportunity cost from taking a longer flight versus the money saved, but it slowly infected its way into even my most intimate relationships. People who I were close to started describing me as calculative and coldhearted. I recently left my girlfriend of 5 years because I realised that our relationship had a low chance of working out in the long run, given our circumstances, and when I did so I felt so heartless but after doing the math and thinking through the expected outcomes of our relationship I decided to go through with it. Just because I felt it would be for the best. After I told her the reasons why I decided to end it, Her last words to me really pained me, " I wish things didnt always have to make sense to you."

Logic is something I take the most pride in. I've struggled with mental illness in the past, and I desperately cling on to anything that validates my sanity. Its a lonely place. when you start to see everything you do in life as numbers and probabilities, hours and days, the everything you do feels more meaningless but you still do it because the math tells you its the best.

I don't know how to be happy

 

Live in the moment, do things that make you happy.

 

That's really hard to deal with. I am the same way, I pretty much think & calculate the chances of everything that I can in my day
to day life without even realizing it. These same calculations will lead you to realize how cruel the world is. Unfortunately, I don't
have any good advice for this other than try your best to do things that put you into the present moment that you can think about
later on and be happy about.

- fast vehicle driving
- go kart racing
- downhill mountain biking
- dirtbike / atv off road
- cliff jumping / high diving
- competitive games like pool, golf, etc

All these things require much focus and will completely take your mind off of your odd calculations, other than the ones you have
to make while doing said activity.

I hope it works out man!

 

Focusing on the maths isn't a bad thing. You just need to learn how to limit it whenever and wherever. For example, living in the moment while surrounded by your family and friends.