Bisexual

Ok, I am not used to being on this end, I am normally giving others advice, but now I need help.

Basically it goes like this, I am bisexual and nobody knows that I am.
I have slept with a few girls so everybody thinks I am fully straight, I have never been with a boy before, mainly because of my father. My dad is pretty homophobic/racist etc. I am completely different to him and I think of my self as a kind person. I want to tell people that I am bisexual but I do not want my father find out.
When I am around him I to am homophobic, he doesn't openly mock gay people in front of their face but he doesn't like them. After knowing he doesn't like gay people I don't want him to know that I am bisexual as I feel he will be disappointed in me or something on the lines of that.
I have had friends ask me if I am gay/bi and I have lied to them and said no, this makes me feel really bad.

My college is basically all boys and most of them (if not all) are homophobic, I am basically just stuck on what to do, I want people to know but I am afraid of the consequences after lying to everybody.

What should I do?

 

[Upfired]

Tell your father sooner than later. He will accept you for who you are overtime, but it's better now than later. It's a really tough decision

 

[oblivion9032]

Tell your father sooner than later. He will accept you for who you are overtime, but it's better now than later. It's a really tough decision

yes do this, it will probably make you feel a lot better once you get it out there and maybe he'll realize that gay/bi people aren't that bad because he has been around one for a long time

 

[Meeder1]

Its better you tell your father yourself then him find out from someone else.
Tell him its not something you dont choose, its set in stone. He wont understand at first, but he'll get over it. He'll accept you because your his son, not because your straight, or good looking, or anything along the lines of that.

Suppressing things is NEVER good in the long run, don't do it. Sure, you don't have to blurt out to the world that you're bisexual, but it doesn't have to be taboo either.

If someone close to you asks if your bisexual, id go ahead and say yes. Ask them nicely just to not tell anyone.

Sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of. If the kids at your school don't understand, they're obviously immature and ignorant.

Be yourself

 

But it's how I tell him, I'd love to go up to him and say oh hey erm I am bisexual, but I just can't do that.

 

[Meeder1]

I would copy and paste this, but i dont want to take credit.

Please read this:
http://www.ehow.com/how_2188650_tell-parents-youre-gay.html

I just did, and it seems to be some pretty good information on how you could do it.

 

[pkingworrier]

Well, seems like you're in a pretty tight situation... I'm pretty sure your dad over time would learn to accept who you are. Even if it takes some time, as long as you try to maintain a good relationship with him it'll be alright. As for the people at school... Yeah, I know what you mean. I myself am straight, but I've seen how people act towards gay and bi people, ultimately, it's cruel. I saw a few people get teased to the point where they would run away and cry for hours. They would skip class JUST to cry in the bathrooms. They'd even overall avoid the general public because of how they were judged. I'll admit, I say "this is gay" and I'll make gay jokes and people think I'm generally a homophobe... But really, I don't care what your sexuality is, I care about personality. Why should WE be the ones to judge? I HATE people like that. If they act like that towards you, just think, karma will catch up. Do you think they'll really be able to maintain a healthy life with that kind of immaturity? Just stay strong and stay true to yourself. Don't act one way just because people deem it "right".

The way to tell your father is to probably just sit him down and tell him straight out. Tell him you need to talk to him and you want him to keep an open mind about it. Ask him if he'd always care about you, no matter what. You can see what kind of reaction you'll get... Even if you predict a bad reaction, just go through with it. It's what makes you who you are - So don't bullshit your way through life.

Goodluck, man. If you ever need anyone to talk to, just pm me. I've seen you offer loads of help to people on this site and to me. The only thing I can do is offer the same in return. You seem like an amazing, friendly person and I wish you the best.

 

[Matt Hasty]

Keep your life private until you're finished school. Move out when you're ready and then live your life as you see fit. This way you wont get hurt, and you'll pass school without the unneeded stress.

Yes, I'm sure you could always tell your dad now but in all honesty do you really want to put yourself through that? Deal with school first, find a job and make yourself a good life.

I'm not gay, nor bi sexual so I can't say I can relate with your feelings, but I can tell you that right now you need to focus on your future.

 

But it's how I tell him, I'd love to go up to him and say oh hey erm I am bisexual, but I just can't do that.

Make sure to tell him when you know he is not mad/having a bad day.
Sit him down, tell him the truth and if he doesn't accept it, then at least you don't have to worry about hiding it inside anymore. Good luck man!

 

[blahbleh]

Being homosexual or bisexual is not necessarily bad. It is only that the society in current time casts a shadow over it. If you are bisexual or homosexual, sure you are different from the majority, however, it is the modern time where we do not fight over pointless differences. As long as we live peacefully, contribute to society either militarily, politically or economically, do not break laws, we should be allowed to live. Indeed, I know many people who are heterosexual, but lazy as hell, do not contribute anything to society, do not go to work, live off people's tax money doing nothing. These people should confess to their parents that they have big problems.

After all, you do not have to feel bad lying to people. If you need to lie out of good faith, do it. Seriously, you only lied because you did not want to break the peace. If everybody was okay with your sexual orientation and you could say it out loud, you would have done so already. You have been doing the right thing there considering many variables in your life. If one day, situation changes, people become more open about sexual orientation in general and may accept your situation, then sure you can tell them.

If you do not tell people then they find out about your situation then blame you? Be that way, you did your best in your situation already.

It is good thing that you are being open about it with us. I have an uncle who is homosexual, I was his favorite nephew back when I was little and of course I was too young to know what homosexuality was. He moved and we lost contact for over 20 years, I finally met him again but he was not as open and friendly as before anymore. I knew he was so scared that I would think bad about him and such. But I did not want to force him to say it out, I just left things be. He is still avoiding me. I am still waiting for a chance to show him that I accept and am sympathetic about the fact that he is homosexual and want him turns back to my beloved uncle.

 

[Matt Hasty]

If you think just because you have sexual thoughts about another man, that would be you gay or bisexual? Well if you do you're wrong because it takes an actually experience to know your real feelings. You can be head over heels, but how do you really know you life it if you have never done it.

I'm sorry if this sounds rude, but in my opinion it takes more than just masturbation to a photograph of a male model to understand your true feelings. I think before you spill your beans about your sexuality you should at least have sex with another man or try your best to date one secretly. You might not even like it, and will end up even more confused but at least you'll know.

 

[Kiwi Karma]

i don't want to sound like a dick...but make sure 100% positive that you understand your feelings =p could save a lot of trouble.

 

[blahbleh]

If you think just because you have sexual thoughts about another man, that would be you gay or bisexual? Well if you do you're wrong because it takes an actually experience to know your real feelings. You can be head over heels, but how do you really know you life it if you have never done it.

I'm sorry if this sounds rude, but in my opinion it takes more than just masturbation to a photograph of a male model to understand your true feelings. I think before you spill your beans about your sexuality you should at least have sex with another man or try your best to date one secretly. You might not even like it, and will end up even more confused but at least you'll know.

I guess I still am not sure if I am straight or not then because I am a man and have not had sex with a woman yet, I only masturbated to photographs of female models...

 

[Matt Hasty]

I guess I still am not sure if I am straight or not then because I am a man and have not had sex with a woman yet, I only masturbated to photographs of female models...

Judging by your avatar only time will tell. Experiencing is the best way to find out for sure.

 

[i noob killer i]

Same Problem for me but Im not going to say anything to my parents sinceI think they will flip about it.

 

[blahbleh]

Judging by your avatar only time will tell. Experiencing is the best way to find out for sure.

You want to experience too? takes 2 to tango... just kidding :laugh:

 

[kmjt]

If your in college it's time to come out. Your old enough not to have to worry about your father kicking you out of the house because your basically an adult now, and can probably live on your own.

You WANT to tell people; don't let others stop you from being happy.

 

[overpaidpkr]

Just sit him down and start talking about it and ask him why he is homophobic and itll go where it needs to go, its better for him to find out from you then some1 else, and he will love you for who you are

 

As a lot of you may have noticed (or not), I haven't been as active as usual.
Well.. I told my dad and he freaked out, he is getting better, but isn't talking to me. :/

 

[blahbleh]

As a lot of you may have noticed (or not), I haven't been as active as usual.
Well.. I told my dad and he freaked out, he is getting better, but isn't talking to me. :/

He needs time to evolve himself. If he is not talking to you, it is very likely he is using the silence to sort things out in his mind. He is also probably thinking back about all those not so good things that he talked about homosexuality in front of you in the past. So he realizes that he has problems with homosexuality and is afraid that if he keeps speaking with his usual mind, he would offend and hurt you again. He will probably talk to you normally again when he is done adapting. This is a good sign that he cares for you and is willing to change for you now that homosexuality becomes his great concern to think about. Cool dad he is. I think you are lucky.