Beyond Depressed

You are very stressed out i really don't know what to say, Fall in love with a girl, one that can give you another reason to live, one that you could talk to and help you with your problems. To me it sounds like life has no meaning to you, well finding love can fix this. I also agree with people above me, you should start going to the gym it helps more than you could imagine.

This is very unfortunately for you, you are too young to be going thru depression and have so much pressure on you, a job would fix many things here, but you said you don't have any motivation to do anything, this is the main problem, if you don't want to look for expert help, then start thinking on what could give you the motivation to work.

It gets better trust me, do not even think about suicide ever again please. We all go through times like these but things gets better with time, I also went through hard times when i was your age, i also had all these feelings you're having right now, but things got better, whatever it's in your mind, whatever you're thinking off that could give you some motivation, just do it and don't think about it.

 

Conclusionz,

My name is Amar, I am an 18 year old adult, or rather I am still a kid i have yet to achieve anything near adulthood, there is so much in this world. I have many friends that are going through the same thing you are going through, they have beaten it with the support of each other. Let me start off with my story, maybe a sad story will help lighten you up... Since i was 6 i had lived in Mongolia( Ghenghis Khan xD) , but luckily my father was smart enough to get my family to canada on an diplomatic visa because he was the consulate of Mongolia. My childhood was great, i was incredibly athlethic, a social butterfly, and my family life was very good until 2 years in. My father had been cheating on my mother, my mother found out and freaked out, my father then chose to become an stupid egotistic male raised in Asian society to treat women as things and beat her. because we were on a diplomatic visa we moved alot between canada, so i never really had any friends i could stick with other than my older brother. In the end, this was the thing that sparked it all, one day it got really bad, my dad got drunk and was letting loose on my mother. back then i was still a child, i was so scared i hid under the table and watched it all happen, My Brother put a knife to his throat and began to cut, there was blood coming out and he yelled out stop fighting or ill kill myself, LUCKILY that stopped it all because my father knew he would be in trouble if my brother died. After that day the next day my fathers mother and father in Mongolia got murdered by his cousin, so he flew to Mongolia and asked me if i wanted to go there or stay with my mother, of course i chose to stay with my mother because i had created an incredible amount of hatred for my father. My mother chose to bring me to America and help me and my brother become people who would become more than just another third-world country person. We came to America on a temporary visa for 6 months, and i have yet to leave . But, because i was not a citizen and my mother was not either, we moved here and there from each state and each city from uncles to aunts, to friends of family, to people who would help us. We had no money, we couldn't even make money... It was an incredible burden on my brother, he was 6 years older than me so he could comprehend most of what was going on, i on the other hand just thought we just moved a lot and had no idea what was going on, until my aunt got caught and went to jail and i went to an adoption agency. Thankfully the person who adopted us was an incredibly nice person and my brother told her our story and she let my mother and her brother come get the family from her and continue to live here. That had an incredible effect on my high school years because i had moved so much, i had social skills but i didn't have the trusting skills, and motivation which you said you lacked. I made the wrong friends in high school, i was stupid and angry at the world , and i need an escape. I chose to become a part of the popular group and party crew. my freshman year i started smoking marijuana with my friend George, who is now in rehab and is perfectly recuperating. The marijuana led to the pills, the combination of the two and me not being able to make money legally created an monster.... ME. I started dealing weed and pills to the school kids at sophomore year, i was living with my white grandmother who was American she had Oxycontin. i sold enough pills to create an system where i was creating more income than some people made from their regular jobs. I was always a nice person throughout though, maybe that was why i was so successful with my business. I associated myself with people that weren't like me, people that would sell their own souls for a little popularity and money. I had to because i knew i couldn't make money otherwise and i saw how bad my mother struggled for money, she found a job from one of her friends friends who had owned a mexican restaurant. They barely paid her minimum wage and my mother is a materialistic person so i chose to become something even i had not expected to reach, i created an pyramid of dealers and an incredible economy for numerous amounts of items such as marijuana, oxy's, zany's, adderol, and worst of all cocaine. I lost connection to my real friends in high school, every single girl that i had a relationship i eventually sabotaged myself, i had developed an addiction beyond using drugs, but being able to make money out of my addiction and that fueled me to continue. The sad stories of the people i helped to deal , my sad story, everything that made me mad had created the fire for me to continue and i thought that i was doing the right thing. That was until groups of my friends started going to rehab, a lot of my dealers got caught and got sent to jail for a very long time, somehow i had evaded the police, maybe because i did not exist. DO NOT attempt to do any of what i did as it only brought me sadness and anger. I then continued to use drugs and eventually i stopped selling the coke because the cops were onto me so i had to lay low for a little bit. I just became a druggie after that, i was doing a coke line when i woke up, a joint mid day and if i did any more coke later that night i would need a zaney to put me to sleep. I had become so dependent on drugs to live my regular life i didn't know how else to live, i then realized i was incredibly mean to my mother, my grandmother, my friends that wanted to help me, the girls that gave a shit about me i broke their hearts because of my addiction. I couldn't stop for some reason i just continued to become worse, i then started selling marijuana again starting slow. Throughout starting up again i got hint of somebody selling some acid and i decided to try it out, i had only tried mushrooms up till then. During summer school i decided to go to a party the day before the class, which if i had missed one more i would've failed and my mothers $650 would go to waste. That night i got drunk, i did some lines, i smoked some weed, and at the end of the night me and my 3 friends, or rather associates that i had become to hang around with decided to take a hit of acid. This acid was the real deal, we looked it up and it was the strongest tablet of acid available to man. We were kids and did not realize how strong it was, that night there was like 50-60 people going in and out of the party while we tripped and freaked out, i was not hallucinating or seeing things that physically was not there, but i saw meanings in things, words on paper would change and become messages my brain or something was sending me, i swear for a moment me and my friend thought we died and we were in hell, it felt like eternity for a good 7 hours of the night there was a thunderstorm going on and his house had been ruined and we just sat there not saying anything freaking out looking around like everything in the world had stopped and we were stuck in this world. I did not go to sleep that night... morning had approached and i realized i still had to go to summer school, or i would fail and have to repeat and my mother's money would go to waste. Sadly i was still in an acid trip, i had become stuck in a trip inside of my own head from all the stupid things i had done, stealing from my grandmother, dealing drugs, doing drugs, breaking my life apart, the life in my eyes had disappeared as my other 2 friends said a transformation happened to me that night, BUT the life had COME to me that night. I went to summer school tripping on acid, and i'll tell you i had to create an incredible amount of courage inside of myself to do it, everything was in slow motion, that class felt like it was ETERNITY , me stuck in school listening to this teacher go on and on about life and death and cancer in this world. Everybody knew i was tripping because word had gotten around that i freaked out and i was still tripping going to summer school so the kids knew, but the teachers knew nothing, i asked my teacher where cancer came from, what life is about, why people die, i asked this person the questions that no person could answer and he saw something was seriously wrong with me. He called the assistant principal of my HIGH school not my summer school in, she was just watching over that summer school year and she took me to the administrators room and gathered all the other administrators around me asking me questions, where i got it from, what goes in in the school, what kids do what, and i sat there like a zombie believing that i was only in a dream and that it was not real. My assistant principal was a good person, she saw the pain in my eyes and decided not to get the police involved or get me in trouble and just had me call my grandmother and mother. My mother was at work and did not pick up, my grandmother did not pick up probably because she was sleeping as i had summer school early in the morning. I sat there for 2 hours with my assistant principal in this awkward little room watching all my classmates walk by in awe. My brain had shut down from the stress and let the trip continue, my assistant principal then decided to take me home herself, she gave me a lecture about drugs and life and the people i should hang around on the way home. I got home and continued to trip for the next 2 weeks, going to the classes while i was tripping because i could not give up yet, it was near impossible for me to learn my brain had shut down and it was like i was a child. But, my friend Paul who i had treated like complete shit with my other friends put out his arm and helped me come back to reality. He started coming over to my house and hanging out with me talking about stuff, trying to get me to get out and teaching me a lot about god and faith. I slowly recovered from that trip within those 2 weeks of hell and i finished summer school with passing grades. From then on i recovered slowly and broke off relations with all of my associates in the drug world and created my own pyramid of support friends who help me become the good person i always was. I graduated high school and i went to my prom and did all the things your suppose to do in high school. The reason my friend Paul helped me is because he was going through an incredible amount of stress as we'll involving money. Both of his parents have cancer and his family was in debt and he had money troubles. They had issues paying off the cancer bills and he had to work for everything he had including his car, his clothes, money to go out, and i talk to him about everything. Not only did he help me, i help him as we'll i help him get over his parents having cancer all the money issues and we just hang out and forget all of our troubles by going to the gym, just going out on the town, and a little drinking here and there. So you go out there and become a person like Paul and help a person like me ! EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD HAPPENS FOR A REASON, don't give up hope and always believe that there will be something better that will happen if you have motivation. You are just scared you will not be good enough to help your mother, the motivation is there! Obviously you are intelligent enough to ask for help from others so you have the ability to become a person who can succeed in life, Don't let the mistakes of your parents consume you, let it create you into the person you are and use it to become the person you want to be. I' am going to a lawyer in 2 weeks to apply for citizenship and I am confident in myself that i will get it because i know i am a good person as we'll as a person who can become a positive influence to society. Your still in high school, you've got a lot more hell to go through, it will only make you stronger, it is not weakness that makes you cry at night, it is your heart because it is big and filled with strength it needs to let it out sometimes.

-Edit(Oh and my mother married a German guy named Kurt who is the nicest guy in the world and now she is living happily ever after in florida)

 

Well, after spending 10 minutes reading this I am in tears. Today I motivated myself to get out of bed & take public transportation to pay my fine.. I feel alot better knowing that i'm not pressured to pay that large sum of $ by a certain date.. As far as your story goes, i've already started doing the stuff that you stated above.. Marijuana, Pills, OD's etc.. The same with dealing. I've stopped myself from it but yes it is extremely hard to stop with the $$ being profited. I've finally said no to that and stopped.. I am moving on, taking it day by day & trying to look forward to everything that life has to accepts. I am only 16 and I realize this should be the best years of my life, I shouldn't be worrying about all these problems.. I guess you could just say it's who I am. All my friends say I'm amazing for how much I care about them and what they do.. Since I have wrote this message, i decided to share it with a friend or two.. Ever since they've seen these, we have been talking 24/7 from literally when we wake up until we sleep. I must say, i feel much better knowing that the same person has similar problems that we can relate & that finally i've found somebody that can understand.. Hopefully things keep going good down the road.. As far as my grades go, I am going to push myself for my last two years of high school to try and achieve the fullest. I want to have a good career for the rest of my life, not living on the streets or achieving money illegaly. Btw, thank you all for this support it has made me much more happy then i've ever been. I'm new to Sythe & must say I love it already !

 

Glad it moved ya

your gonna go through a lot more, but because you went through so much you'll get even further than you would've imagined.

Its weird how life works, honestly, i think everything is connected through each and every person's mistake we learn from one another and grow to become better people.

 

It's how you face things!

Someone in exactly the same situation as you might handle it differently and therefore feel differently too. No amount of advise can help you, you have to take the change.

If you continue behaving like this, i can fore see that, in a few months time, you will be in some sort of serious trouble, or worse, land in prison or dead.

You have to be the one who says " I WILL TAKE ACTION TO CHANGE THIS ".

"I WILL HELP THIS FAMILY TURN AROUND"

"I WILL START LOOKING AT THE GOOD THINGS I STILL HAVE IN LIFE"

"PROBLEMS ARE FLOODING, BUT I WILL BE STRONG ENOUGH TO TACKLE THEM SLOWLY, ONE BY ONE. SOME PROBLEMS WILL BE BEYOND ME, I WILL BREAK DOWN, I WILL FEEL LIKE GIVING UP, BUT NO, I WILL PERSIST"

Brother, i believe you can do it, and you must prove me right.