Being Down Below

We've all met that person with a personality or flaw that we absolutely hate. He or she makes you feel like shit and believes that he has the right to do so but not the other way around, because that person feels like he has a higher soia, status than you.
They don't necessarily have to use physical force to make you fee bad. In fact, they're not considered as bullies because the solution is simple and effective; avoid that person. If he were a bully, he would continue harrassing you. He is not, and his objective was never to really make you feel bad.

But this is a problem when you are in an Asian family, especially if you are the only second-born among your brother, mother and father, who are first borns.
They were born with that status. They have spent their lives being the ones in charge, the ones who set the rules and the only ones who could break them.

In Asian countries or at least those in Korea, you must show respect to people who are older than you, or have more experience in a certain field than you. You speak to them using the upper-speech, and they have the right to talk to you using the lower-speech if you two know each other well. You can use the lower-speech as well, if permitted. There is a social heirarchy, similar to what you see in the military.

Thus, if you are the only second born in a family of first borns, they do not understand your pain. They believe that it is a definate thing that they think that they have the right the right to undermine you, and never the way around. They can point out your fkaws, no problems there, but if you point out theirs, you are being rude, uncultured and immature. For that, you can receive a beating that is justifiable.

They are hypocrites, but do not think so because they believe that they have the right to be one. Thus, according to their logic, it's not being a hypocrite if you have the right to be one; exceptions can be made for you.

Of course you can try to tell them that their actions are making you feel bad. They will be confused, as they have always acted the way that they do and others do it, too, but they may still understand. And things will be okay for a while, until they forgot what all the fuss was about and return to their old personalities.

Like stated before, avoiding them completely is not an option, especially if you live in a Korean family. Family is forever, and you coming of age to be legally an adult means nothing. You are still the young member of the family and there is no reason to treat you as an adult.
If you avoid them and minimalizing contact with them will only upset them. S since you've done so, they have the right to undermine every chance you get.

Of course you can leave home, but the stress you will receive from having to work as a student for all your needs in this country with an economy in crisis will be more than what you will get at home. That's why you stay at home.

Despite all the stress you get from home that is making you depressed and occasionaly even makes you contemplate suicide, you have no choice but to stay, endure, and make the best out of it.

That's it, you're trapped.

You've lived with it for the past 20 years and thought of every possible solution, and there isn't one to make them and the pain go away.

You don't escape the stress, you make room and accept it.
You try to keep as optimistic as possible.
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I'm not asking for your advice.
I just needed to let it out.

Thanks for reading