My essay about Pearl Harbor

Zarrox · Jun 9, 2007

Hi everyone,

I had to make an essay for school for History.
I chose the subject Pearl Harbor an I want to know if it is good or not, and tell me how to make it better. I am handing it in on monday.
It had to be 1,000 words more or less. Min is 1.048 words.
Please rate it and tell me how to improve it Thanks guys!

Here it is :

Pearl Harbor

In the United States a huge disaster occurred. It happened on 7 December 1941.
Japan did a surprise attack on America. They bombed Pearl Harbor in Oahu at Hawaii.
It was launched on the morning on Sunday the 7th of December, 1941 (Hawaii time) by the Empire of Japan's Carrier Striking Task Force against the U.S. Pacific Fleet and other US armed forces stationed at the harbor and also on the other side of Oahu.
A lot of Americaâ€™s soldiers were dead or wounded (about 2000 in total) and 188 aircrafts were destroyed.
At Japans side there were only 64 dead people, and 29 aircrafts demolished. So there has been a lot of difference in the losses
President Franklin Roosevelt called December the 7th: â€œA date which will live in infamyâ€ and declared war on Japan. Like Hitler blamed the German Jews for the failure in WW II, America blamed Japanese Americans for the loss.
But why did the Japanese attack this fleet? Why did they attack that certain Island and not any others?
I will discuss a few possibilities that I read and considered.

One year before the attacks on October 1940, Arthur H. McCollum made an eight-step memo. In this memo were eight steps where you could do eight different steps and he predicted that it would lead to an attack. Then finally Pearl Harbor was bombed, all eight steps were taken.

There were also attacks on a small Island not far from Hawaii. These bombing started at the 7th of December at noon and stopped at 23rd of December. The Americans were finally forced to surrender. After these attacks Japan finally took the Island. Japan had control of the Island although they incurred heavy losses. Three cruisers and one transport sustained heavy damage, two destroyers and one patrol boat were sunk, while 820 Japanese soldiers were killed, with another 333 wounded. In contrast, American military casualties included 120 killed, 49 wounded, with two missing in action.
The Japanese thought that the Americans would overwhelm the Island and just a matter of hours, but they were wrong. They stayed there for sixteen days and bravely fought against the attacks on them from the Americans who were trying to get the Island back.

The Japanese attack The U.S. because the U.S. blocked the trade between the resources from Japan and other countries. So the Japanese suffered from a huge economically problem. 90 % of the resources were cut off. They wanted the U.S. to stop them and bombed them and then they could negotiate about this problem.
Another problem was that the Japanese thought that America was going to bomb them first.
I am not sure if this is the case but if it has been it was a smart move from Japan because the Japanese attacked the main fleet of the Americans. So if they bombed this they would think that they wouldnâ€™t fight back.
But Japan didnâ€™t understand the American way of thinking. This way of thinking was: "You bomb us, you declare war, and we pulverize you."
They made the wrong decision and the U.S. declared war on them.
An other reason was that the American Navy was on Hawaii and Japan did not want the U.S. to join the war, because they had the biggest navy of that time. So they bombed it and hoped they did not join. But instead the declared war so things went wrong.

The ironic thing about this war is that Japan first wanted to make peace all over the world.
But, for Japan to be able to do this, they needed to be free, and they werenâ€™t. They were still â€˜attachedâ€™ to the western world, and their main problem was America.
America where being more and more pro-Chinese and more anti-Japanese.
The were
This was their other goal for the war. The commander of the Japanese fleet said wisely that it was not in their reach to win a war against America. The Japanese fleet should "fiercely attack and destroy the U.S. main fleet at the outset of the war, so that the morale of the U.S. Navy and her people" would "sink to the extent that it could not be recovered," he reasoned.
Thatâ€™s where the surprise attack on the U.S. was born. After the bomb attacks on Pearl Harbor the same guy said this: "I fear that we have awakened a sleeping giant and filled him with a terrible resolve". Which is true, because after that the U.S. declared war on them.

At about 1940-1941 the Americans were neutral. They were only a bit scared of the Axis (Japanese, Germans, etc.). The Japanese were the most powerful navy at the time and the only country that was more powerful was America. So if they could beat that country they would be the strongest country in the world. America did not officially joined the war by then so the Japanese thought they could just start a war with America and then win it and be the most powerful navy in the world. Of course this didnâ€™t work out as planned, but it seemed a good idea to me though.

My conclusion is that the Japanese attacked America just to be the most powerful country of the world and have more and fair trades. Because the Americans blocked 90% of their trades with other countries. The Japanese attacked them for a good reason. They just wanted to have more power and being seen on the map again. They also could negotiate about this trade boycott, but I think America wouldnâ€™t stop it.
It was a smart move from Japan to attack Pearl harbor, which is the home station of the American Navy. They thought, if we attack and destroy this they will surrender and we will be the most powerful country in the world. I guess they thought wrong and a war broke out.
To me the Japanese did the right thing, but it turned out to be wrong.
Also the Americans already kind of predicted this would going to happen, so why didnâ€™t they stop them?
Good question for a next essay.

The End.

Sources:
-www.wiki.answers.com
-www.essays.cc
-www.megaessays.com
-www.wowessays.com
-www.wikipedia.org
Click to expand...

EDIT: I took the copy+paste parts out and I put the Sources underneath as my teacher asked me to.
Please tell me what I can do to improve it. (Just give some examples out of my text cause I got crappy english grammar lol.)

kingnick0694 · Jun 9, 2007

It's alright... Here's my advice:

1- Make some of your wording more colorful... Y'know, add some more adjectives, change some words to add emphasis on the subject... get a thesaurus

2- Double Check the punctuation. I don't know if it was just if you were typing it or not that made you mess up, but i see a lot of missed periods... Anyways, just double check it.

But overall, it's not bad.

Zarrox · Jun 9, 2007

Thanks kingnick. I will work on that thanks (Although I dont even know what point 1 means)

Kaos_Mage · Jun 9, 2007

dang u want us to read that

Clashfan · Jun 9, 2007

What grade is it for?

The Internet · Jun 9, 2007

You copied just a small portion of it from

http://www.essays.cc/free_essays/d3/bsw283.shtml

If I'm right

but overall its excellent, But I'm not an English major.

MMan · Jun 10, 2007

you could work on your wordking a little but other than that i like it...nice job

mcnuggetman · Jun 10, 2007

its copy and pasted i good luck getitng it thru your teacehr i would add some stuff to make it sound a little dumb but good luck not getting in trouble for pladerizism if i spelled that right

mage3158 · Jun 10, 2007

mcnuggetman said: ↑

its copy and pasted i good luck getitng it thru your teacehr i would add some stuff to make it sound a little dumb but good luck not getting in trouble for pladerizism if i spelled that right
Click to expand...

Plagiarism

But overall it's a good essay.
Good luck.

dpunk · Jun 10, 2007

I would take that off of here before you turn it in, in case your teacher types it in google to see if you copied it. If you really did copy it from a site, I would edit it so far from the original you can't tell.

blaam69 · Jun 10, 2007

pretty good coup[le mistakes u need check over

opoweroil · Jun 10, 2007

Well if you did copy it then beware of the teacher cause they can check and if you get discovered he/she 'll fail you on the essay. I learned from experience.

You can change the wording around and add more vocabulary.

RiP CiTy · Jun 10, 2007

Try to make the syntax and sentence structure flow a bit smoother. The sentences are a little choppy. Btw, what grade are you in?

Atomic · Jun 11, 2007

http://www.echeat.com/essay.php?t=25236

Some was copied from there.

Deacon Frost · Jun 11, 2007

No offence, but I cannot read past the first paragraph. Pearl Harbor was a VERY bad time for us, and for Japan. There was so much going on, and you lack SO much emphasis. Your words don't cry, and your written voice doesn't quiver. You need emotion in essays, because otherwise they are boring and every day reads.

Also, for some of your errors, and the way your format is.. read my Writing Tutorial for some help http://sythe.org/showthread.php?t=181100

Zarrox · Jun 11, 2007

Ok for everybody: Yes I copy pasted something and I will change it .
And Deacon I cant go to far in detail. I had to make a summary about it. a very small summary with a main question in it. And don't forget I am dutch eh .. Thanks guys!

Hells Duke · Jun 11, 2007

Lol teachers have a program that can see if you paste stuff down - even if its similar.

Spereff · Jun 11, 2007

Hey, it's not bad. And yes, you did copy a bit.

Good use of historical information, and my advice to you is try to make it feel more realistic, and use a better, advanced variety of words.

"64 DEAD PEOPLE" eh, you can think of something better, right? o.o

Not bad at all.

Zarrox · Jun 11, 2007

Sorry guys. No more time to change the grammer. I did change the copy paste parts. Im not so good at spelling and I am in third grade for anyone who wants to know. And I HATE History. In my 3 years of high school I got like 2 years of insufficiant marks. My last mark for history was a 4.0 . Lol I hate it although I am good at other subjeccts so it doesn't really matter.

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