Confused, Mixed feelings? Idk what to call it.

My friend recommended this site as i'm trying to sell my WoW account, but I saw this forum and actually kind of needed it. I've been trying Yahoo answers, but to no avail.

So, I'm a freshman in college and I left my best friend (a girl) behind at home. We were extremely close when I was home, and for the past year or so i've had strong feelings for her. She knew, I told her, and we didn't let it get in the way of our friendship, and if anything made us closer. We've made out, but that was when we were drunk, and didn't really mean much. Over the summer, I made myself get over her as she said she had feelings for me, but didn't want to lose me as a friend. I eventually did, and then I started college.

I started talking to a mutual friend of ours who also lives back home, and who's gotten pretty close to my best friend. We ended up talking and skyping everyday, and we pretty much concluded we'd be a friends with benefits sort of thing. I went home last weekend and saw them. The first night we all hung out (4 of us. My best friend, the f w/ b, and then another mutual friend) and then me and the fwb and I had sex. Afterwards I went back to my best friends house and we ended up cuddling in her bed and falling asleep. The next morning we cuddled again for about 30 minutes before I had to leave.

The next day we were all sleeping over my best friends house. Me and the fwb ended up having sex in my best friends basement, which she knew, and was okay with. Then like a half an hour later the fwb fell asleep and i went into my best friends room to hang out. I ended up passing out in her bed, and then woke up at like 4 am. We were cuddling again, but I started to get more touchy. I ended up biting her ear and feeling her up, while she put her hand down my pants. After a minute or so she said we had to stop because she felt bad that the other girl was right in the next room. We did, and we just cuddled for 15 minutes. Then I went to go to bed with the fwb.

We talked about it the next few days, and she ended up saying she was confused about how she felt about me, because the next day i kept crossing her mind. She ended up saying she'll always have feelings for me, but she has to find out if she wants to act on them. She says she's 'madly in love' with her ex-gf (she's bi) but I don't see them being in a long lasting relationship again.

What do I do? I have incredibly strong feelings for this girl, and she's all i've thought about since i came back to school. I know right now it wouldn't work, which she said, but when im home for break and stuff.. then what? She said for now since we both have someone else, we'll stay friends and that's it. But, if this 'stepping stone' comes up again, we'll figure it out.

I know i probably won't get any responses because of the length, but I can hope. Thanks if you do reply.

 

Friends with benefits will never work unless the female is a lesbian. Talking from experience, all of the girls I've been with who were also friends ended up in ruined friendships, except my two lesbian friends with benefits.

The story was a bit hard to understand, too much bad English to read..

What I did understand, you have two possible relationships? Not entirely sure, if you could clarify that would be awesome, or edit the passage to be a bit more legible.

I can tell you that if you value your friendship with both (or one) girl, stop having benefits with them. It will only hurt and cause you plenty of drama in the end.

If you're willing to ruin a friendship, you can express your feelings and try to start a relationship greater than a friendship.

 

Sorry. It's 2 AM and i was kinda in a rush to post this.

I have two possible relationships, yes.

The best friend I was talking about is the one I want a relationship with. I've had strong feelings for her for over a year now. I love our friendship, but sometimes it gets hard.

I don't want to ruin our friendship, but it gets really hard having such strong feelings for someone, and being so close to them at the same time.

The friends with benefits, who i only recently started talking to, I can't see myself getting into a relationship with. We plainly said we would just be friends with benefits, or fuck buddies.

 

If she said she is still madly in love with her ex gf, and she has to find out if she wants to act out on her feelings for you then dont rush her. Her answer will most likely not work in your favor if you do. Not to mention it would be horrible to put someone on the spot and make them choose between 2 people. So that should be out of the question.

If you dont believe if she gets back with her ex, that they will have a stable relationship, Id suggest wooing her. Be the guy she would want. But if she does get back with her ex, Id hate to say it but you may have to let go. Dont be the rebound or the 2nd choice. Now I dont know how long you 2 have known each other, but I expect it to be long. If she and her ex are broken up, and she isnt sure if she wants to be with you because of her ex, and ends up back with her ex, then I see it like this: She has known you long and well enough, but she didnt go with you after you tried. Assuming you try to make her change her mind without rushing it.

Now try to use this as a guideline on how you want to act. Im not saying you should listen to me, but if you feel like you should do something else, then go ahead. You know her better than me. If you are okay with being a 2nd choice, and you believe if she does end it with her ex again assuming they get back together, and that she wont see you as a rebound and hurt you to get back at her ex or to make herself feel better. In the end it's your choice and know her better, all we can do is suggest and help you see both sides.

Feel free to tell us something like she isnt the person who would do this to you or could. I see it as she already has had a chance with her ex, and she had a chance to be with you, but she thought she would be better off/happier with her ex if they end up together again. Dont convince her that you wont see her and her ex lasting long, because it would seem as if you dont want them to get back together because you want her. Meaning you want her so bad that it clouded your judgement.

 

@Apith

I get what you mean. The only thing is, it's not that she's choosing her ex over me. Or, from my point of view at least. I'm at a college and we wouldn't see each other except when i'm home on break every few months. Or now that I think of it, maybe she is picking her ex. I don't know. I think i'm gonna just try to play it by ear, and see what happens when I come home. Thanks for the replies.

 

I see, if you will see her every few months there will be a huge commitment on both sides, trust issues may arise, and you may both slowly distance yourselves from each other.

Id say give it a year or 2, and from there see how you feel. At this point there isnt much either of you can do. Simply because this is a new experience you both arent familiar with, whether you 2 can handle being away from each other and seeing each other every few months. That would be tough, and most long distance relationships dont usually work out. It would be a mess if you started dating with the distance. You 2 can see where it goes, but if it gets messy, neither of you can expect another chance. I suggest you stay friends and when the time comes, see where you both are. It is not worth the possibility of ruining your current relationship with her if you took it a step further. I would advice against dating her anytime soon unless you both know what you're getting yourselves into, and that would mean being away from each other for a few months. See how you 2 feel being away for a few months every so often.

 

I have a sort of similar experience, but minus the other friends with benefits. As a freshman in college, I met a girl. We became best friends, fwb for a couple months, then ended up dating. We were together for 7 and a half months, and we ended up breaking up because she wanted to end it on a good note and stay friends rather than break up when its bad and maybe not be friends anymore. However, ever since we've broken up, we've still slept together and done shit, and nothing has really changed besides the fact that we say we're "not together" anymore, even though we still act like it. We still do this because we know we both like each other a lot still. If we had stopped cold turkey, I know that it would have been near-impossible to stay friends, because every time I'd look at her I'd get filled with sadness because I know that we had more, and just broke up for dumb reasons.

I know it's not really the same situation, but tl;dr: if you want to ultimately remain best friends, don't get together with her. Unless you think she's "the one," don't do it. It will most likely ruin the friendship. However, the 7 months I spent with this girl were the best 7 months of my life, and it was amazing. If you think you can stay friends, I don't know... But for the most part, relationships ruin friendships.