new rap lyrics, friend rated me 7/10

i'm back with the rap-rap in pack pack of the yapety-yack-map, yo guys! quality corn here, living the dope life of chicago wester!

my last lyrics wasnt popular even i beat some of eminems crappiest songs..

but here is my new lyrical impresions:

boy you run
i keep fun
we roll like dollie
molly on the wolly
woobert-shoobert
swaggy-swag
rapping like no rapper befoah
we just go on the row
flashing before them hoess'
bitches be rap on track mack
eminem came in the game
i anal-raped him
because he was gay and i wasnt lame
but yet i stay here
geting no respect
making money
producer insanity was whacker before
i kept my tomb for me swag


took like 4 hours instead of 6 like my oldd one yo! rap pack bitches!


rap pac! plese give me more tips on how improve rapp

 

I hate that I even snickered.

 

u what mate? laugh at me ?

 

I'm not sure how serious this is, but if it's not then sure I shall feed the trolls.

As somebody that did this for many years you've got a long way to go.

1)No rhythm to it or any understanding of syllable's.
2)You vocabulary stretches as far as that of a slightly intelligent brick.
3)Try rhyming with a word that you didn't learn before school level.
4)Atleast TRY and put something intelligent in there somewhere?

 

make someting better urself asshat then

 

Damn, this shit goes in. Nice work man let me know when your first album drops.

 

Still contains "Swaggy-Swag" "woobert-shoobert" "molly on the wolly" and the best "eminem came in the game i anal-raped him" Is your friend fucking retarded?

 

Lol'd, take a music class if you really want to improve and this isn't a joke.

 

Lol, y'all get trolled so hard..

 

hey crackface have u smoked crack im legitimate

 

m y friends name is woobert shoobert, waht the fuck is ur problem kid ?

 

guys rate me pleasez

 

rate me fuckheads, u will fuck my ass harder than a jas-35

 

Try something lil wayne or other rappers don't do.

Avoid voyeurism, comsumerism, or materialistic lyrics.

illuminati is strong in you

5/10

 

swaggy swag, wat...?

Writing isn't your strong suit.

 

your mom isnt your strong suits

 

Okay so first of al you anal raped eminem? Yet his lyrics inspire you like
'' packing a Mac in the back of the Ac Backpack rap crap, yap-yap, yackety-yack''

Where's your Oscar? Not even to mention all these other awards:

​

So how can you improve, I'm not sure if this is a troll or you're serious. If you're serious. I'd rate you a 0/10. There's not a single thing right about the lyrics. However I haven't heard you rap I don't think there is any way this would flow well on a beat.

Try to add some punchlines, Not just '' I'm better '' Let alone '' I'm better then Eminem ''. Let alone '' I anal raped Eminem ''. If you're a popular rapper and you say something like that. He'll just make a track like '' The warning '' and your career is gone.

So to improve:

Get more creative with the lyrics.
Use proper english words.
Add some fun into your lyrics.
Add wordplay.
Add a intro ( see example ):

( I write this as I go it won't be good but look at the build up. )

Yo, It's (name) . Ya'll missed me? Pisses me off to see all those kids trying to step to me man. Haha. This is for all you fools

( gun sounds )

I got my glock cocked, While my dick's sucked.
Driving around town. Playing the same rap album for over 4 hours now
Lower the window of my SUV. Hold my gun out , you better run beofre you catch a fucking live one. ( bang ) I won. ( bang ) Games done. ( boom ) That's what you fucking get for acting so soft. ( boom ) You try to step to me. But you will always see that no is is as ill as me and that you're just not feeling me. you're messing with the wrong per-son yeah I'm the worst-son. Got you bagged up in a long-con. So my song won. Try to mess again and you're career is long gone. And you're done. Skills. Get some

So that's something that would intimidate rappers more then ''swaggity swag''

I wrote that and I can honestly say that even that would get rated less then 3/10. I would rate myself a 1. I got knowledge of the rap game. That's the only good thing. It's really shit. I wouldn't even try to record something that lame.

Anyways, Good luck with your rap career buddy.

-Demonic

 

Yo quality_corn
Your name misleads cause those lines that you swore
were great were truly cien percent crap
Don't embarrass yourself tryna make a comeback.
Hah, you're like Dave and Goliath
Your rap game is small but your ego is giant
What?
No need to repeat
Take it like a man like you just took this defeat

lol took like 90 seconds to write but your lines are too short and have no flow (not saying mine do)

 

you suck lol i am guuder

 

thank for the tip but i am beter than most peopl at what i do. i make respect