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Forum: Personal Support
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Posted by: Kiraush
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Post: Kiraush's Thread for Woman-related Support
Forum: Personal Support
Assigned Moderators: N/A
Posted by: Kiraush
Original Content:
Thought about doing this a couple times since this seems to be a blunt majority of the PS-Threads.
If a Moderator deems this inappropriate or that he/she feels it should be in a different thread I will not be offended or upset if it is deleted or moved, doing this purely for fun!
I. Getting the girl to notice you (Quick search: !ks)
II. Getting out of the Friendzone (Quicksearch: @ks)
III. Getting rid of a girl? (Quicksearch #ks)
IV. Knowing if she's the right one (Quicksearch $ks)
Before I get into this I want to start with a little bit of advice, if you're reading this and you're at or under the age of Fourteen then you're over thinking it, I promise you.
The odds of the girl you're reading this thread over being "The One" are slim to none, but I am not saying give up, just keep in mind that very few and far between people meet the right person at your age, and I guarantee you that if she is the right one, dating her now will ruin a large amount of your chance of actually being with her forever.
My experiences that make me feel that I'm in a position to tell you how to go about this:
1. I'm twenty-one and in my twenty-one years of life I've had three relationships that lasted over a year, two of those over two years, and one was nearly three.
2. A year of the longest one was spent engaged to her, we got our own place and I was supporting us both.
3. I'm a deep thinker and tend to look at things from outside the box to consider the possibilities and outcomes of certain situations, but the bottom line is, you can take my advice and give it a shot or not. The choice is yours.
P.I.T.S:
Personal Hygiene - Smell nice, look nice
Intelligence - Do not use racial slurs, cuss as little as possible
Trustworthy - If she tells you a secret, she trusts you, ruin that trust and ruin your chances
Self confidence - Walk with your head held high, don't slouch, don't go fishing for compliments. (But little things, that are honest, are okay "I hate this haircut, I can't believe I let her butcher it. I'm never going there again, seriously" is fine, if it's true)
!ks - Getting the Girl to Notice you
So you've met a girl you like, but you don't think she likes you back. Do not fret, you're not the only one I assure you. I'll start this off with the smallest bit of past interaction and forward from that.
Never spoken to her:
Well, I'll start this off with a question: If you've never spoken to her, why do you like her?
I'll assume you like her for her looks, which I wont knock on, when I think about dating someone I really can't imagine not being attracted to both their personality and body so good on you for keeping your eyes open.
First off, talk to her, there are a lot of ways you can go about doing this and they all depend on how shy you are. The best thing I can recommend is a compliment in person, face to face.
Don't be creepy about it, but this takes huge balls that even I wont lie to you and say I have all the time. I've been able to suck it up once or twice, but it's still extremely embarrassing.
A few examples would be obvious things, eyes, shirt logo?, maybe her hair is put up in a way that isn't normal, a book she's reading something that defines her, something she'll really take as a compliment.
I do not recommend shoes or make-up, both of those are touchy, shoes can give off a gay-vibe (Which I had spewing from me, so shoes would be an automatic friendzone) and make-up can make her feel fake, or she might take you sarcastically, or whatever, just don't.
Talked to her a little bit:
Good job!
That's the first step, now talk to her more!
Ask her little questions, how her day is going, if it snowed like it did where I live comment on it and spark a conversation about how she feels about the snow.
If you know a little bit about her then maybe bring up something relating to her interests, you know she likes supernatural or doctor who (assuming you've seen it, or maybe even if you haven't) ask her a question about them, if you haven't seen them do not pretend to, be open about how you haven't, but maybe would like to!
Friends (But not Friendzoned)
Though, this can quickly turn into being friendzoned.
Really just weigh how much you think she likes you and go from there, if she likes you enough that you think she might like dating just be straight and ask if she'd like to go to dinner and a movie sometime.
If you're unsure, I would say just take the leap and ask, maybe be subtle about liking her for a few days beforehand; giving her cute notes, texts, facebook messages, et cetera
She doesn't feel the same, well damn, the best I can offer here is play the waiting game but DO NOT wait on her.
Be nice, be more than a friend, be subtle about liking her, but do not put her in your mind as the only one.
Chat up other girls, look for other possibilities. There are more woman around you, do not let them all pass you by because of one who isn't smart enough to like you back, because you're worth liking. Especially if you're seeking advice on how to win her over.
But if you play the waiting game, odds are that someone will break her heart and you will be there. She will tell you, and you can console her, she will see you as a good hearted person and give you a chance. If she keeps dating jerks then put less and less time into her, because some girls really do just date jerks.
@ks - Getting out of the Friendzone
I made this it's own paragraph after having finished this because I felt I could cover it in a way that justifies it's own space.
The friendzone, as I'm sure you know if you're reading this, is when you're a friend of someone you like and (at least in most cases I've seen) she intends on keeping you there despite knowing how you feel.
If she does not know how you feel then you are not in this spot yet, you need to ask her to go out on a date, and make you you use that word, to go to a movie and dinner or something.
"Hey, would you like to go to dinner and a movie with me? Thought it might be nice for us to go on a date sometime!"
The more of a shy person you are the harder it will be, but there's always texting and facebook messaging if it's too much to do in person (But do it in person if you can)
Now, if you are in the friendzone it can be very tough and sometimes it doesn't even make much sense.
I've sat on the sidelines and watched amazing friends be friendzoned (both boy and girl) and in a couple cases I wont even exaggerate when I say they would have made perfect couples, so do not think you're doing something wrong. Sometimes people just don't open their eyes to see the possibilities around them, and you just need to keep in mind that the girl you like looks at the world through her eyes and has her own thoughts, so maybe she's in the same situation you are or maybe she has her own problems blinding her.
To start, do not get hung up on this one girl or you will most likely come off as desperate and needy, which some girls go for, but even the ones that go for it will give you a chance if you don't seem it and they feel you deserve a chance.
Talk to other girls, and keep your options open, some girls like knowing a guy is wrapped around their finger and will do anything at the drop of a hat, don't be that guy.
If you honestly refuse to talk to other girls, just keep in mind you could be doing exactly what this girl is doing to you to a girl that is perfect for you.
Always be a gentleman, hold doors for her when possible (But do not go out of your way or make it awkward by holding it from a yard ahead of her, forcing her to speed up or feel bad that she made you wait so long) ask her how her day is going, chit-chat.
She's dating a guy? Well is she mean to her? If not don't interfere, just be a friend, if things go sour and you've been a little bit more than a friend without being an interfering douche, then she'll give you a chance. If he is mean to her (You know this because she has told you) then just continue to be there for her, and make sure you're there whenever he messes up.
His screw-ups are your gains, you earn unseen points every time you're the person she talks to, cries to, what-have-you.
#ks - Getting rid of a Girl
This is a real thing, I've had to go through this and it can be painful, annoying, really any emotion.
Depending on why you want to get rid of her really narrows this down, so I'll just do a few generalizations that come to mind and try to pick one close to you:
Ex-girlfriend (You broke up with her): Block her on everything, everything, ignore her texts and do not talk about her to people.
Ridiculous things make it back to exes, even if you tell people close to you there's ways for exes to find out and it just gives them reasons to try to talk to you. But especially, do not talk shit, because that can spread quickly and kill chances with potential girlfriends and put a bad light on you.
Try not to sleep with her friend.
Don't date her friend.
Try not to sleep with her sister.
Don't date her sister.
Ex-girlfriend (She broke up with you): If you do not want to give her another chance for whatever reason, then really just do what the above says, honestly.
Try not to sleep with her friend.
Don't date her friend.
Try not to sleep with her sister.
Don't date her sister.
Friend who tried to get out of the friendzone: Be honest with her, say you really just don't feel that way about her but really like her as a friend.
Honesty is key to every relationship, be it a sexual one or friendly one.
If she does not give up then really the only option, and the one I picked in the one case I had, is to cut her out of your life. Block her, ignore her.
It'll hurt her, and it will most likely hurt you, but she needs to not be hung up on you if you're not interested.
$ks - Knowing she's the Right One
So you've got a girl who you want to date, or wants to date you, but you're scared because you're not sure if things will work out, that's perfectly normal, you would be weird not to worry a little bit.
There's a few things you need to look at:
Interests and Views are the biggest,
Interests - What are her interests, and what are yours?
If you do not know what hers are just ask, or my favorite way was to play the "Question game", just ask things that she likes or doesn't like, and in your head compare them to yours.
The most important thing I can put in here though is: If you're wondering this because you fight from time to time, stop wondering. Fighting is natural and even good, not fighting is bad. That means when a fight comes around (and they will) you guys will not know what to do, what to say, or how to handle it.
The smallest fight that a strong couple would go through can tear an inexperienced couple apart.
Views are a big thing, is she Christian? How do you feel about Christians? Would you be willing to go to church with her if you're not?
There's tons of them, so I can't really list them all. The big ones would be:
Religion
Abortion
Wellfare
Immigration
Et cetera
The biggest thing to remember is you're worth any girls time, you do not need to change yourself or be someone you're not.
If she wont see you as the gem you are, then don't waste your time.
You are special, you're the only you, and you are deserving of whoever is right for you.
Kiraush endorsed, Kiraush approved
Need to get some sleep, I'll edit in some stuff from time to time and make little notes of what I add.
Feel free to post what you think.
