I was dating a guy named Austin, we had been best friends for two years and we had dated for five months. Late February/Early March, he had gone to Texas to pick up a "friend" from high school (he's graduated). I was fine about him bringing a friend home to chill for a week or so, whatever. He was just meeting up with an old group of friends that he had went to school with so it was no big deal. Then a girl named Hannah came into the picture. My friend Nick was on Austin's Facebook one night and saw pictures with a girl and it said some stuff about Texas. Nick had asked me if the friend from Texas was a girl. Austin had actually called Hannah (the friend) a he and never bothered to mention a name at all. When she had gone home a week later, I asked him why he had lied to me and he just said that he didn't want me to get jealous or mad. I would have been fine, but the fact that he felt the need to keep such a thing from me just made it all feel worse than it should have. We got passed that, we would get passed anything bad that happened to us. Then Hannah needed a place to stay and Austin offered her a bed at his house without telling me. I had to find out else wise who it was etc. Again. By 8 March, Austin was back on his way to Texas to pick Hannah up to take her away from the such terrible and miserable housing situation that she was apparently in. Of course I was upset that a girl was moving in with my boyfriend. He said that she would be gone by May, that he was just helping her out. At first he was just genuinely depressed about not being able to get a job so he was busy a lot of the time. We would still talk, but he was always busy. We were used to talk every moment we were awake. When I was at school, we'd text. When I was home, we'd be Skyping or playing Xbox or just whatever we felt like doing at the time. March, April, and May pass and Hannah is still not gone. At the beginning of June, Austin had broken up with me. He said that I deserve better, that he didn't want me to wait around because he wasn't going to date anyone until he got his life together and that that could take years. He had always said he wouldn't date Hannah again (they dated really shortly in the beginning of his freshman year) even if he wasn't dating me. Guess what. He's dating Hannah as of two or three days ago. Austin didn't even give me the courtesy of telling me that he was dating the girl that virtually killed us. I found out online by a mutual friend. A fucking mutual friend, online. Is his life together in just 20 days? What happened to never dating Hannah again? Why does he get to decide that I deserve better than him but that she doesn't? He told me that I am the reason why he is even alive. That me just being there, even if he didn't come to me when he broke down all of the times, helped. That he loved me, but he didn't regret anything. I feel like all of this was a lie. That he started having a sort of emotional affair as soon as Hannah moved in. That I was nothing but a girl he wanted to play around with. I know that he loves me, though, and that he wouldn't want to hurt me. I still can't stop thinking negatives about our entire relationship, though.
I'm broken. I feel empty. It also makes me feel disgusting. Not disgusted -- disgusting. I feel worthless and unwanted. All I can think about is pills. I'm not sure exactly why I'm even typing this on Sythe but ok lol it's 5 am and I haven't slept for two days and omfg ok.
I'm broken. I feel empty. It also makes me feel disgusting. Not disgusted -- disgusting. I feel worthless and unwanted. All I can think about is pills. I'm not sure exactly why I'm even typing this on Sythe but ok lol it's 5 am and I haven't slept for two days and omfg ok.
