I feel helpless watching my friend throw his life away..

So some of you guys probably know my story from seeing me post here before. Just incase you don't, I will give you a bit of a background to paint a picture for you.

I am a recovering heroin addict, barely 4 months clean and sober, and trying to get my life back together. The last few years have been an absolute trainwreck in my life of one disaster after another, all caused by my own bad choices because of my inability to get off this horrible drug. I lost everything to this drug... my girlfriend, my house, my job, my friends, my sanity, all my money, dropped out of school, and sold/pawned the last few things I owned. I am currently in debt for nearly $15,000. I finally hit rock bottom last May after I overdosed in a friends house and he saved my life by calling the paramedics when I did a shot and fell backwards immediately off a barstool, unconscious. He saved my life. When the paramedics got there I was no longer breathing, and was shot full of Narcan and rushed to the hospital. I survived, with no brain damage. My friend, however, was not so lucky. He died later that night, overdosing on the same heroin that I left in his house, having barely ever used before and certainly never shooting it. His death is still something that haunts me everyday as I feel largely responsible for what happened to him.

The reason I am writing this now is because a very close friend of mine, a totally normal kid and a childhood friend, is now in the same position I was in. We used to get high together frequently, and I introduced him to both heroin and crack cocaine, yet he was always a recreational user and you would never even know he used drugs from a first impression. However, when I began to get clean, I distanced myself from him, my best friend, because I just needed the drugs to be out of my life very badly.

Falling out of touch with him is one of the biggest mistakes I think I've ever made.

I have just been notified as of 2 days ago, that his girlfriend had broken up with him after going back to her home country, and he just kind of "went nuts" according to his parents. They got in a fist fight with his Dad and he stormed out, and he has been AWOL all week. I was pretty sure I knew where to find him and so I went looking and sure enough, he is staying in a crackhouse, sleeping on the floor and binging on drugs for days straight. He stole his parents, sisters, nieces, and even his Chinese student's bank cards and credit cards and has burned through almost $10,000 in the last 2 weeks on crack cocaine. He is nearly out of money, has no place to go, and has 7 stitches in his head currently and is missing his front tooth from an accident that happened a few nights ago. This is stressing me out so much because I am so fucking worried about him, and this situation is dangerous for me because I have been in and out of the crackhouse and various toxic environments in an effort to track him down and get him out of there.

I love him so much and I'm so worried about him, but for my own safety and for his own good I think I need to just step back and let him bottom out. I know from experience that you cannot help somebody in a position like that, they need to make the decision for themselves. I'm just so scared that something bad is going to happen to him and that I am going to be responsible for losing another close friend to these drugs. But I have done all I can do. I am so stressed out, I haven't been sleeping and I've been missing school and other important things in my life lately because I've been so preoccupied with dealing with this situation. I don't know what to do and I just need to vent and get it off my chest. Thank you if you took the time to read this.

 

To be completely honest, it was not a good idea to get your friend into the deep pit of heroin you were in at one point. I understand though that it gets hard being alone, especially at a point in your life like that. Understand that he is making these choices on his own to support his addiction. Your not telling him to go and steal from family and friends while you both are crazily and hopelessly addicted.

You are doing what you need to do, to get your life back to the way it should be. You seem like you have realised the errors of your old ways. Stay on that track, and try not to fall into that pit of despair again. You can only help your friend so much. Keep living life for you, and doing what you need to do for you.

Your friend needs to see what's best for him on his own, if you're not able to reach him. If you can get yourself out of it, then he has the power too. He might not see it now, but he will. Try to do what you can for him, but don't beat yourself up over it. He doesn't want to listen to someone that has gone through similar circumstances, well life goes on as much as you might hate to think it.

 

Which is it?

The only mature advice I can assist you with is to talk to your best mate.

If that does not achieve anything, then let him be as you cannot do anything about his life.

It's a sad thing, but that's life.

 

I dropped out of school last year, and after moving back in with my parents, getting on methadone, and getting my life cleaned up this past June right before the summer, I enrolled in a few classes again which I have been taking since September. All of the "losses" I described take place over a 2 year period, with the last 4+ months of me being back with my parents who are helping me take baby steps towards getting things in my life back. Going back to school was one of the first things I wanted to do as I am really doing nothing else with my life right now. I am only taking a few classes anyways and not a full course load.

And thanks for the advice, but talking to him does nothing at this point. He just won't listen to me, he doesn't care about anything I say and he thinks all I want to do is preach to him about getting clean and fixing all his mistakes.

I just don't know what to do. For the first time in my life I know what it must have been like for anybody trying to help me out when I was busy throwing my life away. You really do feel completely helpless.

 

You've said it yourself.
You have tried the best you can and you can't help somebody in his position, it is their choice. I have seen what that drug can do to people and I really feel for you and your friend. The only thing I can say is keep trying your best.

 

Thanks for the info. I honestly don't even know why I posted this, there is really nothing I can do except wait for him to come around and hope and pray that he will get through this in one piece. I just really needed to vent, this is stressing me out so much and eating me up inside

Thanks everybody for listening and giving your input.

 

As a person who is well acquainted with drug addicts for friends there's something i can tell you that won't help you at all. Even if you were to get on your knees and beg there is nothing you can do to get a drug addict to listen to you. There is no convincing them but still try to make him understand that even if he still uses relationally it is infinity better than what he is doing to himself now.

 

Remember, your personal safety is your main priority. Don't risk getting too close to him as the temptation may always be there. As said above, there is very little you will be able to do, the best thing you could do is let him be and hope that he realises what he's doing is destroying him. Really, do not risk anything buddy.

 

Best you can do is guide, cant live someones life for him.

 

Thanks for the advice guys, but this thread is really old. The situation has been dealt with and I no longer need anybody to post anything here. I don't know why maxinmos gravedug this...

 

Requested lock.