My Dad

This might be a bit long, but if you're willing to read it all and give me advice, thanks a lot in advance.

About 4 years ago, everything was fine between my dad and I. We talked, we chilled, he made good money and did almost no work so he was home a lot. Then he started to lose money, and it went downhill from there.

Then for half a year he went away to do construction work with my uncle, and we rarely talked. Only occasionally on MSN.

He then decided to join the military to make ends meet, because before he had worked for himself and didn't get sick days, vacation days, or even benefits after he was done. No retirement plan or anything. He joined the military so that he could get all of this.

He went away for half a year for basic training, and has always been gone doing stuff. He's always working now, he does military work during the day, and construction at night.

Every time we do talk, we fight. He hates my hair, so he's always bugging me to get it cut, and when I tell him no, he gets mad at me and won't talk to me (the silent treatment). He always wants me to watch videos about math and stuff, but my grades are great, and I have a life, so I don't watch them.

Every time we talk, we fight. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just want him to let me live my life. My sister, mom, and I always have fun joking around. We've always been extremely close, you know, having to work with each other while our dad's been away. My dad hates when we joke around, and always tells us to stop, and it's getting extremely annoying.

I'm never myself around my dad. He gets mad at me for the dumbest reasons.

The other day I asked him to take me to get my hair trimmed (like 1-2 inches off, and thinned), he told me straight up no. He wants me to get a buzz cut, or he won't take me. I got my mom to take my instead.

I'm really tired of this bull shit, and I don't even know what to do anymore. I want him to let me live my life, and let me enjoy my life while I can. I plan on joining the military when I graduate, so I'll need short hair then anyway. I want him to leave me alone and let me have my hair the way I want it until I need to cut it for the military.

I'm just pissed off about everything. Just venting I guess.

 

You stated you had a life and good grades and that you didn't needed to watch educational videos. All your dad wants for you to have a better life than he did. He doesn't want you to go through the struggle he is going through now. Also, he's in the military, he's going to be a tad bit more strict. Appearance judges many people. Your dad doesn't want you to have financial struggles, but instead he wants you to be on top of the game. Don't get mad at him, and just learn to work it out.

I hope I helped.

 

Thanks, but I've tried to work things out.

I barely even talk to him now. I tell my mom everything, and she tells him, she's pretty much our middleman. Because if I tell him anything, he gets mad at me for the dumbest reasons.

 

Of course, he's only trying to find a future for you. Just try to get a contact of him one day, and tell him I'm sorry. You should also include by saying, I know your trying to think better of me and then tell him how you feel in a non-violent and calm way. Listen to what he says. Tell him your going to watch educational videos.

 

hey man i know what you are going through, i don't even talk to my dad anymore which i love so much. I feel like i am a failure in his eyes, all i am is a failure. I try to be nice to him but he just gets angry at me for stupid reasons. Im not sure what to do anymore, i am thinking of moving out or just getting away from it all.

Check out this video, i guess it relates to the story.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBRXYjKIZu8

 

u should try to understand your dad， take care of your dad if u have power

 

great vid. sent chills down my spine

 

Well, you currently seem like you're lacking a father figure and you are developing the same way a female would in your situation. I understand you want your hair, but honestly your dad wants what is best for you and you're being a crybaby about your hair. Honestly, what do you think he would say if you told him you had cut your hair? I bet he would be so happy..

"Every time we do talk, we fight. He hates my hair, so he's always bugging me to get it cut, and when I tell him no, he gets mad at me and won't talk to me (the silent treatment). He always wants me to watch videos about math and stuff, but my grades are great, and I have a life, so I don't watch them."

Once again, he wants what is best for you. You are basically saying "my dad doesn't know crap so I don't do what he says to do"

The letting you "live your life" is a phase you are going through and it seems as if you think you know everything. Your father is obviously in a very stressful situation and wants the best for you, so please stop being a crybaby and try to do something in HIS interests. Yes, you may have to give up something you enjoy to please him but that's what relationships are.

STOP using your mother as a "middleman" be a man and speak to him yourself. If you are too scared to talk to him yourself then atleast stand up for how you feel. Be a man.

Not trying to come off harsh, but you really need to man up and accept responsibilities whether it be doing what your father says or doing what you want to do.

I wish you the best of luck and have never experienced this type of a thing.


Edit;

Your father is in the military, you could, at any time, receive a phone call of his death. Thinking back, would you be "proud" of yourself for not cutting your fucking hair? Most parents sacrifice so much for their children, and the disrespect that they receive back is horrid. Please, Think as if you were older and looking back on the situation then try to decide.

 

^ Exactly what he said... He wants you to do better then him. That's why he's always on you. He's probably grumpy sometimes, because he's always working. He's probably stressed from all that.

If he keeps going on about your hair, just tell him, "Dad it's my life to live not yours, I'm not trying to be smart, but I feel like your trying to take it over, I'm [age] years old and I'm old enough to take responsibility for myself.

 

I agree with the other posters in saying that your dad wants what's best for you.

You also have to understand that while you're leading a comfortable life in a house he's providing for you, he's busting his balls to ALLOW you to have what you have. Empathy goes a long way, I'd figure if a guy asks his son to cut his hair because he doesn't like it the least you could do is oblige. It's not like he's asking you to cut off your long tresses you grew for years and as you stated you're going to cut them anyways for the military.

 

As you stated, your dad has had to go through a lot I'm order to provide for your family. You probably don't understand the mental/emotional pressure that he is under trying to get employment to support you and your family. It sounds to me like he has a lot on his plate and for a man who was previously earning good money comfortably, to going to working two jobs it must be hard on him, and you need to firstly understand that. He's working for you and your family. Secondly it sounds to me like, as others have stated, he is trying to make sure you get a good education because he probably wants you to get a good job and not have to worry about being financially stable.

I think you need to give your dad a break, it's obvious he loves you and I know if I was in his position, working two jobs and being under that pressure then I'd maybe be a bit of a dick sometimes and be strict.