Recovering Drug Addict/Depressed/BiPolar1(manic)/A.D.D/Anxiety/Insomniac

So those are all my problems.

Long struggle with depression(about 7 years) which led to drug use. Had a 1 year long H addiction which I managed to quit after being forced off it. Then doctor diagnosed me as being BiPolar1 both Mania and Depression and thinks I have A.D.D but is sending me to a specialist as he is not qualified to determine that.

Major drug cravings all the time. No matter what I do I always think "you know what would make this more bearable... drugs". Do not enjoy normally enjoyable activities that were fun before.

Given mood-stabilizers(Seroquel XR 150mg/day, an anti psychotic) to control Bipolar manic episodes and it helps sleep as well as I have been a major insomniac since stopping drug use about 5months ago. For depression given Cipralex 10mg/day (lexapro). For anxiety given 20mg /day Valium. Nothing yet for the A.D.D.

Major problem is the depression/drug cravings now. Don't get to see an addiction specialist till July which is too far away. And no matter what I do the depression is still there. Have tried numerous antidepressants but nothing seems to work.
Have tried working out, running, walking, being around friends, any sort of activity but it all just seems like its work to me rather than having fun.
Also being sent to a specialist about the A.D.D and possible other issues that maybe there, therapist and psychiatrist(those same things? w/e)

Please do not say just get over it cause it isnt as easy as that. Not sure what to do?

No idea what to do... too many problems and too long of a wait to get them fixed.

Anyone have any of these problems and how they cope/meds the use to get through them?

 

Damn dude, you definetly put my life in perspective.

I suggest you look for friendship, as friends will be their for you when your down, and you need someone to talk to that wont be awkward like a parent.

 

As much as we all want to help you, bear in mind we are not psychiatrists or addiction specialists. The most important thing you can do is see a doctor, and you have taken a positive step by doing that already.

Don't feel you can't do anything until you see a specialist though. Even if you don't enjoy things you used to do at first, persevere, persevere and persevere. You will begin to get your old life back eventually.

 

I understand your drug problem, as you well know I was in the same boat. I am coming to realize that no matter what, you have to find something you enjoy. It will seem hard at first, like everything is just work work work, but eventually you will find what you enjoy so much that you wont even think about drugs. I came to a point the other day after spending 7 hours with my program brother ( I am in Big brothers Big sisters of America) where I had realized I hadn't had a single drug related thought all day. I brought it up to my doctor and he had said that this is because I was happy.

I was happy helping someone, having someone in my life that looks up to me.

Maybe you can involve yourself in a similar activity to see if it helps? The long road to recovery is worth it my friend....it has only been several days and it feels as if I dont have a care in the world....I am free, you can be too. I am always open for discussion, together we prevail through all that has held us down! Good luck, and remember, you can pull through this...strength and courage my friend...strength and courage.

 

Kill yourself

 

Wow..
you never seemed like the kind of person to have any problems..

I smell a troll ^^^^^^^^^^

and yeah just get some good friends they will always help you and talk you outta stupid shit

 

I have 1 really really good friend who I talk to all the time and has been there for me through everything. This person is the only one I haven't pushed away. I do have many friends but the problem that i have is, when someone gets too close I tend to push them away and pretty much start bailing on them whenever they call.
Im not really the open type, usually i bottle things inside and dont talk to anyone about anything. 3 more people know about my problems but again i sort of pushed them away as i do have major trust issues with people and its something i dont really like discussing as i sort of learned to ignore my issues.

Never liked talking to my parents about it... they know my problems i just hate discussing it with them as my parents are really close minded and think that a person can just "snap" out of it.

I know you say you must find something you like, but honestly nothing brings me joy. I've done many things. Traveling, soccer, volleyball, finished everything and became a lifeguard, tried those stupid NA meetings, used to go out a lot... but now nothing appeals to me. Even when i force myself to do anything.

I guess i just need to hang on untill i see the specialist and maybe he can determine if there is some bigger problem with me.
Honestly I feel like i need some sort of drug in me to make me happy. I need to feel of euphoria and the high. While i was using it was the only time that no matter what i did i loved it. Whether it was work, being around friends, playing a sport, shopping... etc. Yes i know its a fake paradise and all but rather have that than the actual reality.

 

If you come clean with them, most of them should 'take you back'. If they really were your friends and liked you, they'll want to help you through this.

Ignoring your issues will only make them worse in the long term. I'm the same, I bottle things up and don't tell them to people. Do you have someone you would absolutely trust with anything you can talk to? I personally have my grandfather, who was a great help to me when I was in a difficult phase. If not, you can always speak to a psychologist or a counsellor, who will not go telling people what you have said.

That might only be because they don't understand the full extent of your problems, and don't know how they can help you. Just try talking to them again, maybe after you see a professional counsellor. Or, eve better, you could go and see somebody with your parents there are as well.

Obviously I can't tell you what you'll like, but what about things like a musical instrument, models, painting and so on? There are plenty of options.

You said it yourself, it's a fake paradise. It blinds you from what is really happening, like losing your friends and your interests.


I don't know if what I've said will help you, but I wish you the best of luck seeing the specialist.

 

No one but 4 of my friends know about my drug problem and they are supporting, the 3 others dont know about the other problems im having.

I do have 1 friend i absolutely trust... and they suggested I do go so a therapist/psychiatrist and have always been there for me through everything. We'd even talk at like 3:00am when i cant sleep and its nice having at least 1 person like that

As for my fam everytime i try to talk to them they get all emotional and that pisses me off, cause then they just say yeah dont worry it will get better.

Honestly music is the only thing that sometimes clams me and brings me joy. Sometimes i get so mad that even that bothers me. Most of the time it works.

It's hard to explain. I have this hole in myself that is only filled when i use. I only feel alive when high.

I'm a pretty emotionless person. It's weird. I actually cannot wait to see a therapist.

Thank you.

 

I personally think you should tell them, atleast tell the people who you know won't ridicule you or push you away. The more people who are aware of your situation and won't be critical the better.

It's fantastic for you to have someone like that, especially if your family aren't very supportive.

It's a difficult thing, because you need to balance not worrying them with getting the support you need to move past this. If you take the initiative to see a specialist and acknowledge you have a serious problem, they too will probably take it more seriously.

Music is a really good outlet for stress/worries, and it's good it works for you. Are you mainly listening to it, or playing and writing it aswell?

I don't know which drugs you were using specifically, nor am I an expert, but most of these substances are either addictive on their own or have additives to increase their addictiveness.

The key for you is to realise that they will not solve any of your problems, only postpone them and make them worse, and then you need to find something to fill your time. If you're stuck for ideas, I'm sure plenty of poeple here can help with suggestions of new things to try.

I really wish you the best of luck when you see the doctor, and remember he/she will be able to help you a lot more effectively than any of us are able to.

 

Research a herb called 'bacopa'

 

You need to go to rehab man. I can't even imagine having these problems.

 

Bro what you need is to have yourself a Holiday something to take your minds of things!

 

The way i test whether they are the ones i can trust most is i told them all the same way and only 1 out of the 4 actually came back and has always been there for me asking me always "are you ok" is there anything i can do and just basically being there for me. I know i can trust the other 3 enough that they wont tell anyone, but it appears i cannot tell them anymore as it seems like they dont really care. which is fine with me.

Nah i just listen, and only write dark poetry lol

Yeah i pretty much moved up to the worst one possible.

Ty i hope so too

Yeah there is a plan to have me go to a 3 month long rehab but its being put off for the moment till all the doctors are visited.

My doc said it isnt such a good idea, because i could "find drugs anywhere"
Actually im not sure how i would manage being let out in a diff setting with money. Would i go get drugs? or what? I am unsure

 

I was taking Cipralex 10mg/day and to be honest I felt better when I was off it.

 

Hm i feel no different. Only with the seroquel do i notice anything... pretty sedated the whole day good with anxiety.
Have you tried anything else?

 

Methadone program?

Have you tried benzodiazepines or any other anxiolytic sedatives before you were prescribed with Seroquel/Cipralex to combat withdrawals?

I see you are already on SSRIs and antipsychotics, have your recreational-drug use stopped?

*Pharmacy major - points to introduction thread**

Of course, we have even less credit than the specialist you mentioned, and they weren't qualified to make an evaluation xD
But we're down with the pharmacokinetics of all medication, much more than a doctor would ;o

 

Ive had both Valium and Xanax but they stop working after a while for me. Yes drug use has stopped but the cravings are there constantly.

Methadone is one of the only ways to treat cravings along with suboxone/subutex and honestly i know if the cravings dont stop i will go back to using.

 

So you are saying that .. the sedatives worked in the past, and they stopped working? And then you stopped taking them?

And tolerance increases gradually for the anxiolytic effects, which unlike the sedative is much quicker. Which means you would have to be put on more than one benzodiazepine; with amped up dosages.

Whiiich~ Won't happen because given in your situation is probably understandable why; chronic benzodiazepine usage could very much aggravate anxiety disorders which; does more harm than any good.

Essentially, you are in a very, very disadvantaged position, I can see you are willing to make changes in your life, and while rehab is going to be no fun, it will make things a lot better in the long run.

Best of luck!

 

Its my doctor... he wouldnt want me taking benzos for longer than 1 month to not get addicted to them. Im really not in the position to be telling him what meds i should take or not. Benzos did work but i cant really do much if he says ok stop taking them. Unless buy them illegally which is expensive.