A Solution To Valentine's Loneliness

I'm guessing some if not most of you losers are single on Valentine's day. So I'm about to impart some of my knowledge upon you. This guide is for guys getting women. So if your a guy looking for a guy I can still help you. PM me for my MSN or AIM if you know what I mean.

You may have seen this chain going around email/myspace for a while but I'm about to tell you the real version of it.

Advice...
WHEN SHE ACTS SHY
-Show a bitch some love
WHEN SHE RUNS AWAY FROM YOU
- Unload a clip into her in knee
WHEN SHE PUTS HER FACE NEAR YOURS
- Deck her one across the face and say "I'm (insert name here) bitch!!!"
WHEN SHE KICKS & PUNCHES
- That means she ain't drunk/knocked out yet
WHEN SHE IS SILENT
- That's damn right
WHEN SHE IGNORES YOU
- Keep your pimp hand strong
WHEN SHE SAYS YOU ARE CRAZY
- Say, "Is (insert name here) going to have to kill a bitch?"
WHEN SHE PULLS AWAY
- Keep a baseball bat nearby
WHEN YOU SEE HER AT HER WORST
- Tell her no man is going to pay for a hoe like that
WHEN SHE SCREAMS AT YOU
- Make sure there are no witnesses around
WHEN YOU SEE HER WALKING
- I told you to AIM FOR THE KNEES. Not the thigh. You want her to call the cops?
WHEN SHES SCARED
- She won't tell anyone afterwords
WHEN SHE LOOKS LIKE SOMETHINGS THE MATTER
- Tell her to STFU
WHILE SHE HOLDS YOUR HAND
- Tell her that isn't what's shes supposed to be holding

I hope that helps as much as my last guide did. And for those of you who missed the last one I'll repost it as I've had requests for it.

1. when she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes. and girls love that.

2. never hold her hand. this can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. girls are like dogs. they love to be roughed up.

4. call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. if she is say you better be , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. this will show her you care.

5. when she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. this will pave the way for her own personal improvement. and every girl needs some improvement.

6. recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. because jewelry is for pussies and asian ladies.

7. if youre talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words "fuck you" and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

8. tell her you're taking her out to dinner. drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. then take her to a burning tire yard. when she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. then drive her home. when she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because i can."

9. introduce her to your friends as "some chick". women love those special nicknames.

10. play with her hair. play with it HARD.

11. warm her up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." the best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the partys dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. make her laugh. a good way to do this is if she has a small pet. kick the pet. i always find stuff like that funny. why shouldn't girls?

14. let her fall asleep in your arms. when she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. like masturbation. who knows your body better than yourself?

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. if you care about her never ever tell her. this will only give her self confidence. then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time youre in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way shell go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when shes about to order interrupt and say no shes not hungry. make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. look her in the eyes and smile. then clock her one. girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. but not a sexy cologne smell. a bad smell. you know what i'm talking about.

21. When its raining keep asking her if shes crying. Shell say no its just the rain ten minutes later turn to her and just scream at her to "stop crying you fucking baby". Girls like a tough man as i've already stated.

22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

23. if youre listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. this way she'll think you're mysterious.

24. remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects arent important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

25. when she gives you a present on your birthday, christmas, or just when ever, take it and tell her you love it. then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. girls actually don't like this one that much but i think it's funny.

26. If shes mad at you for not calling her when you say you will promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call youre going to tell her a special surprise. Now shell be really excited. Now dont call.

Now if this doesn't work for you, theres something wrong.....seriously. Ladies, am i right, or what? Whoops I meant LADY(The Singular Form Of Ladies). I forgot that I was on Sythe.

Also If anyone wants to join my end women's suffrage club we are enrolling now.

BTW I'm only joking about everything in this post. I don't know why you guys walk around with a dick up your ass. I'm it's cool if you do as I have nothing wrong with your personal opinion.

 

You don't get much yourself, now do you?...

(P.S. Step 7 seems to work...)

 

Well I like dicks not chicks.

 

Are you seriously gay?...

 

Yes! I've been looking for something like this! Awesome thread!

 

What a homo...W()()T 500 posts!

 

He is joking. BTW, I saw his original thread on this, and this one is WAY better! Keep it up!

 

About as serious as my advice with women.

 

What are you talking about? i do number 7 all the time lmfao

 

this is awkwardish

 

i loled at this

26. If shes mad at you for not calling her when you say you will promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call youre going to tell her a special surprise. Now shell be really excited. Now dont call

 

My life is not complete until I try every single one of those now.

 

k too bad valentines day passed

 

Rofll this is so disrespectful but so damn funny haha

 

Yeah and too bad you used my line in your sig without giving credit you asshole.

 

Guess what, someone just added this to a Facebook group I joined: