Now what do I do?

Massive wall of text below... (Also remember over the course of this story the people on this trip got no sleep so some thoughts are kinda fucked up, plus I just got home and I'm really tired.)



I just came back from a 4 day class trip in Normandy. I didn't really expect to have a lot of fun but the trip went a lot different. We had to drive 12 hours to get there and I decided to sit in the back with some of my friends and a couple of other class mates that I haven't talked with really. The buss ride it self was a lot of fun and I got to know some of the newer people in our class pretty well. But one of the other class mates (We can name her Lucy for the sake of the story) I got to know decently well. The next day rolls around and we hung out most of the day together. Things were going pretty good until the evening when I realized that one of my best friends also was interested in her. Over the next 2 days we kind of went "on and off" with hanging out with her and then we had our bus ride home. During the course of these days I totally thought we were going pretty good and while I didn't think about dating right then I thought it was a slight possibility a ways down the road. On the last night we were at the Eiffel tower and things kind of clicked in my mind.

My friend and Lucy talked a good amount and on the bus ride I realized that we were fighting for her, not with words or fists but there was tension between us. I thought about just telling him to go ahead and take her since I didn't want to fuck up our 10+ friendship over a girl I had just started to really know. I never actually did that though so we really haven't talked since then.

So where I am now, honestly I don't really know, it's pretty complicated. I think my friend is going to pursue her and chances are they will end up dating. I used to like some one else before the weekend but really I don't care about her any more. Lucy just had such a good personality and I felt some happy around her. ( I don't just like her for looks.) So I'm confused as what to do now. I don't know if I want to go for Lucy because it will probably hurt my relationship with my friend. Or I can just let a great girl go through the cracks. Plus I don't even think she likes either one of us yet so it's not permanently locked down. Any thoughts?

 

I know it may be hard, but one girl should not have to come between you and your friend like that. 10+ years is a long time, there are plenty of girls out there for you.

 

If you want her, get her, if your friend knows you do, then he should be a friend, but if he likes her more, then who cares there more females out there,

 

It depends how good of a "friend" he really is. Go up to him and talk to him about, just say you like her etc and say you didn't like it on the bus because of the way both of you were acting.

My best friend and I have actually stopped talking to a girl before because we both liked her, but we are very loyal friends so it was easy to handle.

 

He is one of my best friends. I dunno how it's gonna happen but I know I should talk to him very soon.

 

If he is one of your best friends then he shouldn't flip out out or anything, a good talk should sort you both out.
How old are both by the way?

 

Were both 16. Born 4 days apart lol.

 

Just go up to him and say look we need to talk. Explain your situation, explain what you think his situation is as well. You never know, he might not like the girl or even want to date her either.

A lot of the time, younger guys start talking to girls their friends are interested in just to throw their friend off. They do this because they think that their "best friend" will take time away from their relationship to pursue this "possible" girlfriend.

Just a thought is all, think it over and let us know how it turns out.

 

Knowing him I doubt that's the case. I know he likes her. But thanks any way.

 

Ah this is a very tough situation man, I have in been the exact position myself. You have to weigh out a few things here before you can make a decision... the major ones being:

A) You do not want to ruin a friendship with your friend, especially if he really likes this girl, and so you might want to just walk away from the whole idea and let your friend pursue Lucy. Who knows, maybe Lucy doesn't even like him back like that? You must weigh out how special this girl is to you, and how much you care about your friend in order to make a big decision like this

B) Like I just said up above, you need to weigh out how special this girl is to you. Like they always say, its supposed to be "bros before hoes", but sometimes the girl is really worth all the trouble. Do you feel like you would really be kicking yourself in the head for letting her get away? If she means that much to you then maybe YOU should just go for her and hope that your friend understands eventually after he gets over the whole thing. This could potentially get messy for a short period of time though...

Let me explain my situation... I was 15 and this new girl moved into town and started up school at my highschool about 2 weeks after the first day of school. First time I saw that girl I swear to god I felt something stir inside of me, I just thought she was so cute. I didn't really bump into her and get a chance to meet her until a month and a half later at a halloween party, but I immediately was just blown away by how special this girl was and how perfect she was for me. I wanted her BAD, I just knew she was my girl. To make a long story short, she began hanging out with my and all my bros and one of my friends really liked her too. Actually, 2 of my friends really liked her lol. And so we were all kind of playing this game where we fought over her, and it was very difficult because she had never had a boyfriend before and was very nervous about getting into a relationship and so it was hard to even tell what she felt. I almost gave up at one point because I was feeling so depressed because she was playing the "hard to get" game and was pretending to like one of my friends, even though she liked me. But in the end, I finally decided that I would be a total asshole and stomp on my friends feelings to get a shot at this girl.

She was worth it to me... and so I took her for a walk one day and had a long talk with her and explained my feelings to her and how she literally took my breath away from the first time I ever saw her.

Needless to say, we started "seeing each other" quite regularly, and become an official boyfriend/girlfriend couple a few months later, and ended up dating for 4 fucking years. We broke up just over a year ago because she moved away to a different province, and I still love her with every inch of my heart. But that is another story for another time... my point is that sometimes if you have that gut feeling about a girl, and you just KNOW that there is something very special about her, then it is worth it to cross your friend and cause a little tension in your relationship. My friend got over it pretty fast (within about a month of being really moody and depressed. Hey, we were barely 16 lol) and after that we continued our friendship like nothing ever happened. But man, I still fucking love that girl. I would give anything to have her back in my arms just for one night. So even though its cheesy advice man, DO WHAT YOUR HEART TELLS YOU! And good luck my friend! Sorry for the novel haha.

 

If you do not care about her anymore, then what is the problem?
If you do, then you need to see what does she think, you can not just fight for her, she has her opinion too.

 

Thanks both of you. I'm talking with my friend later tonight but things may work out (He may not be interested any more.)

 

You're both good friends so it should work out fine Bubba

Tell us how you get on

 

Updated: Just got home from talking to him, we both like her and we've decided to live life like normal. We will hang out with her/each other like normal and if she shows to specifically like one of us more then that person has the "right away." We both fully agreed that we value our friendship over a girl and if it becomes a problem we will both break relations with her to keep our friendship clean.

Thoughts and ideas are still gladly accepted. I still want to know of other ways or tips on how to do this.

 

If you want this girl, you have to go for it. You and your friend should stay buddies no matter what, even if you are the one who gets her, or possibly him. If turmoil does occur between you two over this woman, then odds are you need to reevaluate your friendship. Talking about it with him was probably not the best idea, but I get it and you want to respect your friend over this matter, there is nothing wrong with that.

Just make sure if you do decide to go after her and take my advice, treat her right because his feelings may always be there for her, or maybe not. Your friend seeing you two are happy together, he should let it go and find another. Sticky situation you could be in, and I can only evaluate the best I can from what you have said.

Personally have dealt with things like this, and I took the girl because thats what I wanted, and I figured my friend could understand, which he did. I never told him though that I was going to ask her out. We still remain good friends and never have talked about it since. Good luck with your decision and I'm sure you will choose the best one for your standards.

 

You don't need any tips really. That sounds like the perfect way to do it

 

Good to hear you spoke to your mate, friendships are something that you don't want to wreck over a girl you could be over in a month.
Don't let her come between you guys my 2 best mates done that a few years ago and I havnt really talked to one since(he stayed with her)

 

Yeah, I'm hoping it wouldn't come between us. The weird thing is the more I talk to her the more I wanna just go for her and screw my friend but I know that's a horrible thing. :/

 

Girls do that to you.

Even more of a bonding experience for you, you could just eiffel tower her and both of you win?

Urban Dictionary it if you have no idea. My best friend and I did it at a party we were drunk at with a slut. Best hand slap ever.