My Best Friend

Right, a little bit of background information.

I have know my friend since we were 5 years old (we are both 23 now)
When he was younger he had a REALLY bad addiction to Everquest and spent about 3 years of his life playing it 10 hours a day.

Around a year ago he graduate from University with a 2:1 in pure chemistry from a top university in England. Since then he has sat at home doing nothing. I am his only friend left in our home town as others have moved away/he has lost contact.

He is currently living at home, spending 10 or so hours a day playing League of Legends. I recently moved around 30 minutes cycle from him as opposed to mine and my partners house which was down the road.

I rang him yesterday but he wasn't in so spoke to his mum for around 15 minutes. He is suffering from serious depression at the moment and his mum is scared that he currently has suicidal tendancy.

I have tried everything I can think of to help get him out of this rut. I invite him to my house daily, have invited him to stay for as long as he needs to sort things out but in the past month he refuses to come down, claiming he is "too tired" or "busy." I have even tried turning up on his doorstep but he is just not intrested. Whenever we do something he enjoys himself immensly. He has been introduced to all my friends who he gets on with, he gets on really well with my partner and is one of the friendliest guys you will ever meet.

So the point is, can anyone suggest anything I could try to help him? I am willing to do anything as I consider this guy family. He has been my best friend for 18 years, I want him to be my best man at my wedding but I am getting more worried that he won't be there when it happens.

PLEASE HELP ME

 

Well, this is tight situation. Keep doing what you are doing as that helps his situation a lot. If he enjoys himself immensely when he's with you, ask him when he's free to chill with you, when you have the chance to. Do you know what made him so depressed?

Don't let him go and keep doing what you are doing to help. You are a great friend from the looks of it.

 

I myself went through the exact situation however I was the depressed one. You need to tell him he needs to get some help from a professional :L After I did I was so relieved.. I started taking medication along with getting help from a psychologist and everything was better.. the initial process of having your body get used to the new "drug" that is in your system is the worst part.. but its definitely worth it in the long run :L Talk to him and be serious! Good luck man!

 

I have been depressed in the pass as well so I might know what he is feeling. It might be that he is spending too much time on the computer, as anything too much could lead to not caring about anything else. 10 per day is actually alot and he could possibly only feel this is the only important thing in his life.

You should really talk to him, having someone to talk to can help in more ways than you think. Let him open up to you and understand why he is feeling like this. Find out if he likes anything else and get him out in the open.

 

1-800-Suicide. Call them and ask them. They're a suicide hotline. Tell them your situation, and what YOU can do to fix it. If you're serious about this, then I suggest giving them a call soon. I believe they are a 24/7 hotline and they're very sincere. Make sure they know that you AREN'T the one currently debating suicide, and it's possibly your friend. Hope I helped!

 

Thanks for the advice guys. As relating to that hotline, I was thinking about finding the hotline number but not till I have spoken to him first. His mother could always be over-reacting.

I have a feeling he is seeing a professional about this already and I hope it does help. Called him again today, refused to even let me come round to his as he was "too tired."

 

Ask him why you and him can't chill like you use to before and that it is affecting you... this way, he'll maybe chill as you guys are best friends for such a long time.

 

You need to keep making him busy like you have been, that will help a hell of a lot.
Before I say anything else, is he comfortable speaking about his problems with you, or does he keep it a secret?

 

Make him to stop playing games for so much time.

 

He doesn't keep it a secret but won't talk about it as he doesn't think it's important. I am trying the tactics of ringing him every 2-3 hours as I rang him earlier and told him he has to come round, no excuses.

I can't take a computer away from a 23 year old, I can't unplug his internet. He has to stop it himself.

Me and my partner discussed a new strategy and we are going to set him up on a few dates with friends of ours. Maybe it will bring a little happiness into his life?

 

You could get his parents to fake internet troubles or something to try to encourage him to do something else?

Also, your last suggestion sounds good. He could just be lonely, but doesn't want to admit it?

 

He doesn't live with his parents.

Back on to what I asked before, you said he's comfortable speaking to you, try and get him to talk about it to you.

 

He does live with his parents. I think it will take a long time for him to talk to me but worth a try.

 

For starters, I do not recommend calling a suicide hotline. A suicide hotline will usually call the hospital and your friend will be hopped up on drugs. What's going on is addiction, and your friend hasn't gotten out of the loop. The problem is is that when you're addicted to video games, it's very easy to just keep switching off to a new game. Your friend went from Everquest to Leage of Legends. It could easily become RuneScape or WoW or anything else.

Now, the first step is, as stated, trying to get him to hang out with you. You want to find something natural rather than forced. I remember when I would play RuneScape in my senior year for 12-13 hours a day. I was so warped that I was depressed all the time. That depression went into my college years until I ran out of membership, but even then, I went to private servers to get my fix. I was weened off of video games by natural things, such as running out of money and finding new things to do.

The best thing is to get fresh air. People make fun of other people by saying that they need to go outside because it's just a game. Usually they are right, but mocking them isn't the way to go. As stated, keeping him busy will break the habit of video games. I sometimes play private servers, or play a video game, but now I try to alternate different things. If I go on the computer for 3-4 hours, when I realize I'm playing mindlessly, I find a place to stop/save/whatever, log out, go get a little snack, exercise maybe, and generally find something to distract me. Finding a girlfriend also helps, even if it's long distance and online. I had a girlfriend online, and was planning on meeting her, but she helped me kick my addiction to video games. We broke up and I was sad for a bit, but she got me away from video games enough to realize what I was doing.

I hope anything I said can be implemented for him, because it's a serious thing to be addicted to anything.