Dot Shaw.

Hey, i've been made a Dot Shaw competition in Australia. It's due at 28 of August.

Once upon a time in 1997 in Australia, there was a young, bold man named Jakeyy. He was a charity founder. One day, a dark gang decided to kidnap him because he was using up the money to the poor instead of them. The gang agreed that they will kidnap him in his pajamas.

The gang included five huge muscular men. The gang crashed the door that it fell on the floor; Jakeyy woke up in a shock… They took him out from his bed, grabbing him to the wall and punched him until he gave up on fighting. They found a glass beer bottle on the floor and hit him repeat with it in the head. He fainted after the mayhem, cruel beating. His memory was erased.

Jakeyy woke up in a huge deserted jungle not knowing who he was himself. The jungle was very humid, wet, green and hot. The grass was very tall. He was hungry, dehydrated so he decided to search for food and shelter. He was limping in the jungle, first thing he did was breaking a small tree. Fortunately he found a blunt, huge, rusty knife on the grassy ground so he cut the branch until he found a grub. He was desperate for food and liquid. He took it, looked at it, it was a huge, thick and white grub. He decided to eat it, he ate it in disgust.

Jakeyy felt better, he wasn’t as dehydrated or as hungry. He started to walk again it was starting to get dark. He knew there would be some bad, savage animals that would eat him alive. Jakeyy knew he needed to make a shelter in a hurry. He tried to find some bamboos because he knew it was perfect for a shelter. Thankfully, he ran into a group of bamboos. He was very glad.

Jakeyy took his blunt knife out of his pocket and sighed. He made a grip on a bamboo and started cutting it. Finally, he managed to make some pieces of bamboo, he put the pieces together and eventually he made a small, weak shelter. He knew it was better than nothing. He knew he needed something soft to sleep on. It was nearly dark already; he knew he had less than 10 minutes before it would be really dark. He ran quickly to the dry woods and picked it up. He put it next to the shelter. He got some small boulders and he made a circle then used his knife to rub on a dry wood. He made a small, warm fire. He knew he could go to sleep safely.

On the next day, he decided to escape and find some community to start a track of finding out who was. He started walking in a hot, humid environment. He was really thirsty, he needed to quench his thirst or he would be dehydrated … and die. He started running and was panicked, trying to find some water. Luckily, he reached to a freshwater lake. He was very glad and started drinking water from the lake and started to swim in it.

He saw a smoke coming out behind a huge, thick, moist and brown tree. He was curious so he started to swim to the end of the lake; he got out and walked slowly, then suddenly in a split second after one eye peeking to them with his body fully behind the tree. A dart was thrown at his leg. He felt dizzy so he got his blunt knife out from his army pocket for his defence. Unfortunately he fainted, then he woke up in a tent with a toothless African woman in his face, smiling.

Jakeyy was so confused, he had no idea what was going on. So he gave an attempt to take out his knife, but it wasn’t in his pocket. The toothless African woman explained him what was going on, she apparently could speak English. She explained that he was in Africa, Cape Town. He asked why they attacked him. She said it is because it is a part of their rule; they have to welcome people into the town by giving them care so the visitors could trust them.

Jakeyy healed no more than 2 hours. He went outside the tent; saw Africans and they all pleased him, by being so happy in a poor area. It was amazing to him and he saw a pregnant woman walking in labor. Eventually he found out that they can’t drive to the hospital so she has to walk all the way to there. He started to get pieces of memory; he remembered that he was a charity founder.



What do you think about it and why?

 

Looks good, fix up some grammar, use different words, and restructure your scentences

 

Thanks. Well, may can you help me?