Girlfriend shit again

Okay, so to give you a little background info on what's going on.

So I've been with my girlfriend for 2 and a half years.

After meeting her, we started dating within a week or two so not really much time to get to know each other's friends and stuff. When we first met, she was hanging out with people all the time. She would spend days with them, sneak out at night to drink with them, and generally doing the typical highschool kid thing. I knew one of her friends as Nick. Nick was a good friend of hers for about 5 or 6 years. Nick and my girlfriend spent a lot of time together, practically every day. They stopped hanging out so much for maybe a couple months, then I met her. All of her guy friends have tried to get with her at one point or another.

So naturally I met Nick. He was a decently attractive guy, but he was gay. As I got to know more about him, I found out he had only been gay for a year or so at the time I met him.

I also found out that before he came out, he had sex with a lot of girls, including my girlfriend. They were best friends for a long time and this was before I knew either of them. My girlfriend continued to go out and fuck around with her friends until she turned 18.

By this time a few things had happened (got in trouble with the cops twice and was hanging out with a guy who had previously sexually assaulted her) and she was about to start college. Now, I'm not the kind of guy that will tell her what to do and what not to do. But if I'm the one who's unhappy, I'll leave. I told her that I wasn't going to deal with her going out every night and getting into trouble with the cops and just her general attitude towards life. I said it's me or your lifestyle. She picked me and things got better. She didn't go out with her friends much but she still had some on the side.

Every time she had gotten into trouble or lied to me about things, it was with Nick. We all hung out at my house on one occasion and he was just disrespectful. I ended up not liking Nick very much. She got brought home by the cops within the next few nights because she was out with Nick. I told her I'm not gonna be around if she keeps hanging out with Nick. She said she wouldn't and that was it. I was happy with this because I love her and didn't want to leave over something silly like that, even though I don't want a girl that is in trouble all the time since I occasionally sell weed and don't need that kind of attention.

So time goes by and she went to hang out with Nick and promised me to meet me at her house to go to a movie and dinner at 6. She said she would be with him for about 2 hours. We agreed. She ended up going to Indiana and smoking salvia with Nick and not getting back until 7:30.

On another occasion, She was supposed to pick me up from work and she was an hour late, so I called her only to find out she was out at Taco Bell with Nick. After everything that happened, she still had the nerve to hang out with him behind my back. She even comes to pick me up with Nick in the front seat.

And her friends were drinking and driving with her in the back seat and Nick was driving. They got pulled over and the cop brought her home because she didn't know she had been drinking.




FASTFORWARD

Last night, she was acting weird and I asked her why and she said she needs some alone time because we hang out 24/7. I was like okay, well it's 1:30 AM and 95 degrees at my own house, so Ill just stay here in the air and leave in the morning. I didn't tell her I left and she texts me almost as soon as I left her neighborhood asking where I went.
This was the first time we had been apart in about 2 and a half weeks. Like 3 hours later. She texted me from her house saying she was going to get gas and cigarettes. I texted her back saying, "Oh, cool. Are you going home after that?" And she tells me she's going to Nicks.

I call her and we argue for a little bit about how every time (literally) she hangs out with him, she gets into some sort of trouble, or ends up lying to me about something she did. I tell her that she doesn't take how I feel into consideration when making certain decisions. I also point out that on the one day I'm not with her, she calls up the one person I don't like. She also told me yesterday that she needs some times alone, so why would you go hang out with someone? Throughout the whole conversation, She doesn't say more than 4 words at a time. She's then like, ""I'm gonna leave, I'll text you when I'm there."" then hangs up.


I love her dearly, but I don't like how she never takes my feelings into consideration. It's like she does things that she knows are going to cause an argument or disagreement, then has nothing to say when we actually do get in an argument. I can't dismiss the fact that they've fucked before, even though hes apparently gay now.

I have never lied or cheated on her, so she has no problem with any of my friends. So to her, she see's me not liking her friend for no reason, but I have nothing to say like "It's just how you don't like me hanging out with so-and-so."

I've offered to go with her to spend time with friends, but she says we spend too much time together. Plus, I don't really like Nick, and we've had an argument before so why would I go hang out with him?

Basically, I'll tell her how things make me feel or what I like and don't like her doing, but I won't say she can't do something. If she cares what I think, she'll work on it. If she doesn't and I can't stand it, maybe we're not meant for each other.
But that's a worst case scenario.

She said she'll be back in like 2 hours, What should I do??

 

Just read the whole thing. Now I'm not great at giving relationship advice, but I think you should just put it bluntly. Just say "If you don't start putting me in to consideration, were done." It's just gonna get worse unless you put an end to it.

 

Damn, I think you should leave her. You cant do nothing about other people's personality :/.

And it seems she have feelings for Nick, and might end up bad.

 

You should make her choose, tell her its me or Nick.

 

End it. What she's doing is disrespectful to you and your relationship, you shouldn't put up with that.

Even if you give her an ultimatum and she agrees, she's still going to be unfaithful/disrespectful many times to come and it's your fault for putting up with it. People do not change.

 

I have given her the "me or Nick" deal before and it seems like she'd rather have me leave her than tell her I don't approve of her hanging out with him.

I 100% agree that she must have feelings for Nick. She had sex with him when he wasn't gay, and she is always flirty with him. I even asked her once "if he wasn't gay, would you get with him?" and she didn't want to answer..

But she hangs out with him and his boyfriend apparently, so I have no idea.. I don't know if he's even really gay, honestly.

two and a half years, so I wanna try and make things work, but I just can't deal with this

 

Are you sure Nick is gay? Or is she and he just telling you that lol... It seems that Nick isn't gay at all, and is snooping around with your girlfriend.

I'm not one to talk about relationships really, but it's just what it sounds like.

 

He says he's gay, my girlfriend says he's gay. All their friends say he's gay. but why does he want to spend so much alone time with my girlfriend?

 

This.

You've already tried to make amend to previous problems in the relationship which directly or indirectly revolve around, Nick. She's slowly beginning to take advantage of your lean attitude towards her 'close' relationship with the above candidates name. Personally, from my own experience, as Hidd3n has already said: "It's just gonna get worse unless you put an end to it."

Good luck my friend. Remember, always look out for your own self-preservation.

 

^Thanks Gak and that's completely true. I also wish you luck, please post here (or PM me) on what ended up happening. I'm here to talk to if you need anything else.

 

Well we never really talked about it..o

She came back and I said "You really need to start considering my feelings before you make decisions." She said okay and we left it at that. Even though the damage was done. I hope it doesn't happen again, but I guess, as usual, I'm just gonna let it slide..

 

Not to sound rude or blunt but from my experience;

I had a girlfriend for 18 months recently broke up but, When they do it, it's ok,

The second you do the same thing suddenly your cheating or keeping secrets.

As soon as you try and bring it up with them they go all defensive and crazy.

Females are weird creatures >_<

 

Gays tend to make better friends with the opposite sex. Tell her straight up to choose between you are Nick. If she chooses you and sneaks behind your back to see Nick, end it. If she chooses Nick, end it.

 

First, you have to give her cred because she is being honest with you and not lying by telling you where she actually is going. It sounds like this Nick kid or his butt buddy are putting shit into your girlfriend's head bro. She's into badboys which is easy to tell... And with all the past experience your gf and Nick have together, it is never going to benefit nor get any easier on your relationship if she continues to hang out with him as much as she is doing.

The more she hangs out with this kid, the more things are going to be rekindled between him and her, and the more compatibility she will have with Nick based on how much 'fun' she had in her past being a badass. Interaction builds chemistry.

My advice would be to either tell her to cut down time spent with this kid, or include him in shit you guys do together sometimes, to loosen the tension. If not, try showing her what she is doing to you, by maybe hanging out with an ex gf, someone you've had sex with in the past, a female best friend, etc just so she sees the same scenario from your point of view.

Just don't get played.

 

She'll so regretting very soon. Trust me.

 

she's taking you for a mug.

only thing you can do is test her, dump her and if she realises what she has lost she will come back and change because she wont want to lose you again, if she don't give a fuck she wont care and then obviously it was'nt meant to be and she is deffo not worth your time. You sund like a good guy you will easily find a better respecting gf

 

Last time we broke up, I said it was just a break until she went to college. She ended up sneaking out the next couple nights, got drunk, and cheated on me like 3 times. She acted so upset around me and eventually we got back together.

Since then, she's been saying that things aren't the same. No shit though, cuz she cheated on me. She was completely aware it was just a break, but didn't care.

I have given her the me or nick choice before, and she always reluctantly picked me. (doubting herself and getting upset basically.)

knowing Nick has been there for her before in hard times makes it hard for me to say that to her. Because if we do break up, Nick will just be there to make everything better and feel her head with ideas. She'd never end up going back to me. And she would just start hanging out with him constantly and all the other guys she thinks just want to be friends with her, even though they've tried to make moves before..

Bottom line is, I love her and I don't want to lose her. I'm not willing to do anything that could completely end things between us. Unless it comes to that.

It's so confusing = /

 

basically, you know you have every reason to end it
your unhappy with how things are and she is completely unwilling to change it

my advice however brutal, you need take control and put her in her place, tell her how it has to be or your leaving
or grow a sack and break up with her
good luck

 

Me or Nick
No second chance, and gtfo then
You should be hard tbh, ur too good for her, prob she laughs you out at home, cause u still want her.
u offered her alot, she always fucked you up, and u still want her.
i know what love is, but if this happened to me, so many times, i wud dump her,

 

Well, is it worth the emotional pain to leave her? I've been with her for 2 and a half years so I don't really have any other girls I'm interested in. I feel like I would more sad if we broke up than I get when shit like this happens. We always make up after these arguments and stuff though, like last night after she got back, I got some dome like 4 hours later. We had a good time and were just messing around.

I know she cares about me and I care about her. She wants both me and Nick, but I don't wanna deal with how she acts around Nick or the person she becomes when she hangs out with him. I feel like it would hurt her too if I left and I care about her too much to just let that stuff happen. And I don't like Nick, so why would I let him have her? I don't know man =\