Popularity

--Note: This thread will contain some very personal stuff about me. If you are here to hate me or my life, please go away. I understand that some of the things in here may seem superficial, but that is just the way I am. It's not going to change because some anonymous poster on a website says it should.--

Bad? ​

Hey guys, my name is Marshall. I am a 15-year-old freshman (soon-to-be sophomore) at a fairly large high school in Southern California. I am 5'9", 135 pounds; I am a blonde, very white male, with a six pack and moderate sized muscles. I play wide receiver (offense) and corner (defense) on the JV football team. I am in all Honors classes, and I have the highest GPA in my class (4.80: tied with 15 others, out of 700+ students). I play guitar, drums, and piano pretty well, as well as being good at computer stuff like Java, Photoshop etc. I am relatively popular, I have multiple friends in every crowd. I have had 3 girlfriends in my life, though I've had ~7 times when a I've liked a girl and she liked me (and we both knew it) but nothing ever came of it. This year, I went to the Homecoming dance with a Senior, and to Prom with a Junior. I am not the best looking guy out there, not the guy that the girls think is "SOO HOT," but I've been told that I'm cute by several girls.

All these things are like "coolstorybro," but here we come to the hitch in the story. I didn't used to be like this.

I'll begin the story with the first day of Freshman year (about 9-10 months ago).
I was, to put it bluntly, a theater geek. I was in the Advanced Drama class and in Show Choir, and also in Freshman PE (the PE class for non-sports kids). I am not saying there's anything wrong with "theater geeks," I'm just telling it like it is. I used to sing, dance, act, and perform in musicals. I'd been told that I was talented, though I didn't believe it myself. I was 123 pounds, I had a white-guy curly afro, really quite shy, and insecure about myself. Plus, I was known to all of my friends as "the guy who can't play sports." Anyway, back to the story.

First day of Freshman year, I met a girl. She was (and is now) in three of my classes. She's the captain of the Freshman Cheer Team. We'll call her Lilly. Imagine the most perfect thing you've ever seen. Whether it be a bright red rose in bloom, or a sparkling waterfall, whatever it is. Lilly was the most perfect thing I had ever seen. This may sound creepy, but I didn't (and still don't, really) have much experience with girls. Hence coming off really strong, like the description of her. But anyway, long story short, I liked her, right off the bat. Now, looking at it in hindsight, we can see that this was just infatuation, the way it started. But in the midst of these feelings, I could not. I was not comfortable around her. Every time I was within her eyesight, I questioned everything that I did. I was super insecure, and I often stuttered or couldn't say anything around her. It was then that I came up with the idea of the Occupational Barrier.

I realized that, for a guy as insecure as I was, it was simply impossible for me to talk to her, let alone date her (she liked a football player, by the way). I surmised that I simply could not do it. I had, however, been told by my extremely knowledgeable friends (Juniors and Seniors in high school) that there was no such thing as a social barrier (in other words, a barrier between unpopular kids and popular kids. E.G: Theater Geeks and Cheerleaders). Since there wasn't really a popularity barrier, I thought that there must be something else.

It seemed to be that it was most common that, at my school: Smart girls dated smart guys, drama girls dated drama boys, girl stoners dated boy stoners, softball players dated baseball players, and cheerleaders dated football players. So I looked for the thing that connected them together. Then I thought of it. Their hobbies! The smart kids tended to do homework together, therefore they spent more time together, began to like each other, and started dating. The drama kids had drama class together, therefore they spent more time together, began to like each other, and started dating. The cheerleaders and football players hung out at and after every football game, therefore they spent time together, bonded, and dated. It all seemed to fit!

So, I decided to become a football player.

Call me superficial, call me fake, whatever. But I felt really moved at the time. From there, I quit choir, quit drama, joined wrestling (in the winter, to buff up for football), and then joined football in the spring. For 7 months, I worked my butt off to achieve this goal. And I did it. Finally, 2 months ago, I began to change.

I ACTUALLY TALKED TO HER. But beyond that, I wasn't really shy anymore. I wasn't "that chubby drama kid" anymore. I was actually good at sports! I actually found that, while I used to be insecure and disapproving of myself, now that I was working out and putting myself out of my comfort zone more, I actually was coming to like myself better. As I got more friends and bigger muscles, I actually came to appreciate the good things about myself. I'm still not dating Lilly, but I'm not uncomfortable talking to her and it isn't so far out of the question.

But no good things come without regrets. Sometimes, being an analytical person (I didn't get that A in English for nothing), I lay up at night thinking about what I gave up. I in no way regret the direction my life is going in, but I still think about it. I think about some of the friends that I gave up. Yep, by quitting choir and drama, there are a few people that I just don't talk to. Sometimes, I feel like I got too caught up by popularity.

What I'm asking you guys is, after reading my very long story, do you think I've done the wrong thing? It is easy for me to look at my life and say I did it all right, but I just don't have that outside look. I'm wanting your opinions on whether I did this all for the wrong reasons, whether I'm being superficial and selfish, or whether this is all normal for a teenager to go through. Just one last thing to help you make your judgment: Before I met Lilly, I NEVER cared about being popular or playing football.​

 

Believe it or not, I actually read the entire thing.

Bro, I'm in college and back in High school, I was fairly popular. I mean, I was a candidate for homecoming in a school of well over 1,000 students (as was my twin.) Now, I'm not saying that to brag, I'm saying it to make a point; None of what others think of you matter once your out of highschool. If I could give you any advice, it would be this - make changes to better yourself, whether its your confidence, happiness, success, anything, as long as you're not throwing others under the bus. I love my friends and I seriously don't think I have a single enemy, and I legitimately love my life because in the end, I do things because of me, not because of what some two face crowd looks at me as. Just keep that in mind as you better yourself and make change in your life, and you're good to go man.

 

wow a runescape playing footballer?

hmhm did nt read all..
just the bold writing.

gl on future

 

Girl-crazy, because she's what inspired you to change, and you only changed for her, not for yourself.

 

Girls make people change bud, I've done a few things for girls in the past, some I regret some I do not. For you it made your life better, you said you are happier as a person now and you're no longer the shy chubby theatre kid.
You did good no matter the route you decided to take, you may have left a few friends behind by becoming "popular" but that doesn't mean you can't say hi to them in the corridors when you see them.
Well, all in all I have to say there is nothing wrong with what you have done at all you have taken a positive step in life, you've gain more friends, you've gotten healthier and you feel happy.

 

I also believe it or not, read this whole thread.

If you can better yourself in anyway, do it. You shouldn't need a girl to push you in the direction you want, you should be striving for the best you can at all times. Even thought "lily" was that push that brought you to the realization that you could become a football player or better yourself in anyway its still a good thing.

7 months ago, while you were signing on your theater class's did you think that you could become a football player ? Or was it just the group of friends you hung around that made you pick signing over sport ?

Surround yourself with people that are better then you and you will only better yourself, life starts to get shit when you settle for what you have and no longer have any real life goals.

Superficial and selfish is based on opinion , as a sports player since the age 5, and a person from a crowed where playing runescape is kept as one of my darkest secrets, i see superficial only in people such as Paris Hilton an the likes of people looking up to her. Everyone has their own opinion tho and i bet if you asked those who sung with you, probably half would say you were superficial only coz they cannot achieve the shit you have, and if they could and they didnt take their chance tought luck you did, that brings me to say they are most likely suffering from jealousy.

 

coolstorybro !!!! Just kidding, I read the whole story and like some of the others you changed just for the girl. But I think that in the long run it will be worth it, you are happier with your self, and its not like you lost your Drama skills, and you can easily make back those friends if you just be yourself around them.

 

I also agree with this completely.

 

You have changed for another person. However, your change has also redefined yourself, and it seems it has done so for the better. As long as you are confident in your actions and enjoy life, I see no issue with it. I just wouldn't be so girl-crazy, it can also have negative side effects. Regarding this girl, I wouldn't have my heart set on her. You may have desired her a lot when you hadn't talked to her, but being in a relationship is as much about the talking as it is about the fucking.

I'm glad you changed though, as long as you are happier. One of my best friends went from being an overweight gamer to a runner just to get a girl too (who he dated for three years). Today, even after a somewhat messy breakup, he is much more confidant in himself and runs a 4:25 mile, yet he still is a great guy with all of his old qualities (or so I'm told, I only met him 3 years ago).

 

If you're happy with yourself the way you are right now that's great. I normally wouldn't recommend changing yourself for someone else but if you're happy with who you are I'm happy for you! If you lost any friends throughout this I strongly encourage you try to talk to them again. Girls should not be your main priority man! This may sound sadistic but chances are you aren't going to marry this girl. You should always put yourself first and there should be a girl who really appreciates you for who you are. You need to feel comfortable in your own skin.

I hope things go well between you two and I hope she'll be your girlfriend one day good luck

 

The fact that you changed basically your entire personality for a girl says something. Is it worth it in the end? I read the whole thing and can't really say if it was the right or wrong choice. Although health wise it was probably the right choice. However you should approach her and be your old drama kid self. You don't have to let your hobbies get in the way and change who you are.

 

It wasn't exactly like this. She's the kind of girl that, if I had been confident enough to try to be her friend, my chances may have been just as good as they are now. But the problem was, I didn't think I had a chance; it's all on me. But yeah, I agree with you on the first thing. I did not think that, as I was, I would have any chance to date her, or even be friends with her.

It wasn't just her looks I "desired." When I think of perfect, it encompasses all/most of her traits. But yeah, I did change for another person, and I've heard from everyone never to do that. Overall, in hindsite, it really appears that this change was for the better, since I have a whole new outlook on life, work, and possibilities.

I totally agree with you. Chances are, I won't marry her. Probably 99.9999% chance. And, as I said to Finn, it wasn't that she didn't appreciate me (I didn't know her back then, but all of her friends described her as the nicest girl ever), but I didn't feel comfortable enough in my own skin to be confident enough to talk to her at all. I was so afraid of failure that I never put myself out there. The way things are now, I am in a better position to believe in myself.

It's not that I want to come across to her as "a football guy" or "a jock," I still want to be the same person inside as I was before. Although, like I said above, I wasn't confident enough with myself to allow myself to approach her at all. It was really all a confidence thing, though maybe I thought being a jock would help me date the cheer captain.

Thanks for all the responses guys, it's great to receive such honest answers!

 

You gave up things that I assume that you have been passionate about for the first 14(?) years of your life so you could bond with a different social circle.

I could try to tell you that it has had a positive influence on you, in regards to something like your image of yourself, the way you view the world around you, etc.

I could also try to tell you that it has been a negative experience in the sense that, like I said before, you gave up your "former life" (which could be the 'real you'?) in order to 'fit in' with a different social circle.

The best advice I can possibly give is don't try to brush away who you really are, and just do what really makes you happy.

If you are happier playing football and wrestling, hanging out with other football players and cheerleaders than you were in drama, arts and whatever else you did, then good on you.

Just think about if the happiness from ^ is real, and if it is a short-term effect from the big change.

 

hahaha, sadly the same story applied to me.

I too was a rs nerd 1 year ago..weightinh 121 kilos i fell in love w´the first time of my life..just like you i was too shy to talk to her..i just couldnt throw out a word when she was talking to me and i embarased myself alot.
after several planning my way to succes i started training..going to the gym p, playing football etc..and now im here..a 90kg Defensive end who can bench press 95 kilos..ive grown confidence wise but sadly, the cons came fast..

I started to party..going out ..girls and stuff, had my first gf but broke up with er 1 month later, couldnt take the stress..started smoking weed, drinking lots..failing in my grades etc..

Was it worth it?it depends on wich perspective you look from and what your actual goals in life are, for me it was worth it...

 

I guess you have to think about the future in a case such as this. You've changed your whole lifestyle, directly (or possibly indirectly by how you look at it, because you've gained other attributes other than possibly a girl) for a girl. Regardless, do you like how you are now?

By reading this story, I figure you've changed your "person" for the best. You've overcame your fear basically (or shyness of talking to girls).

Think of it this way, you're better off now and you're doing it for yourself in the long run, not for others. You've gained; muscles, possibly a scholarship if you're good enough (seeing how you get honors) possibly a girl for a while (hopefully ) and others.

So basically, I think you did the right thing; but it's up to you because YOU have to choose whether you like drama, etc. more than football.

 

Thanks for all your responses guys, a common question I'm seeing is which I like better. I'm not really sure which one I "like" per se, they are both enjoyable to me. I am certainly enjoying the results of football better, since the only thing that theater got me was made fun of (and a couple 2-week-long relationships).

So, school just got out today, and I have a whole summer to become "perfect" before I see her again. I learned today from one of my friends that she doesn't want to have a boyfriend until she's a Junior.

 

If it made you happy, then I don't see why you don't know know whether it was a good choice or not. You should do what makes you happy, not everyone will stay in your life forever, just remember who was always there for you when you were down, and forget those whou didn't care when you were in that situation.