Taking my life tonight.

Sometimes the brightest smiles have the darkest demons

it’s been a pleasure.

for anyone going through some shit I’d recommend exploring other avenues before finally taking your life, I’ve unfortunately exhausted all my options.

keep on fighting my dudes, I just wasn’t strong enough

love you all


Few shout outs would be
@Wortel insanely good rat catcher, needs to be a mod/admin

@tendyies @jackthehackm8 you two are my spam forum idols

@RSGM Sales still owes me $5 for the 20 hours of live chat work I did.

@Zulu top tier staff member

 

Hi brother,

If you followed through, I hope you are in a better place. I know if you're fully ready to do it, there is nothing that can stop the brain- I hope it went easy and painless so you didn't have to endure any more suffering.

If you did stop yourself, please call a crisis or safety line. Things do get better, just give it time. Even if that means living your life hour by hour. Work with a psychiatrist, up those anti-depressants, and get your dopamine and serotonin back on track. Explore the world to find a reason to live, use distraction techniques, and practice mindfulness.

Sending my prayers to you. If I don't see your soul return, it truly has been a pleasure in the spam forums my brother.

 

Good news, not dead. Bad news, Not dead.

in ICU will probably be transferred to a psychiatric hospital once I’m physically well enough.

Will post a full review of what it’s like to cut an artery + 2 veins once I have the energy.

thank you for the words @jackthehackm8, shed a few tears over them <3

 

You are still here dude, please take the time to think about everything.

None of us are getting out of this life alive at the end of it, we will all die eventually regardless of what age we live to. Why not live your life and see what's out there?

 

life doesn't suck bro, your environment does.

Cut off all the retards and start over in a new place, and never talk to anyone that reminds you of those times again, every old head would give away everything to start young from 0.

Once you experienced the true bottom, nothing can stop you from reaching the top. Hopefully this will only be a lesson which makes you come out stronger than ever.

 

Don't know you but glad to see you are still alive bro. If you ever need someone to talk to, don't ever hesitate to reach out.

I will say count this as a blessing. You could of died that day but you didn't.

 

has anyone heard from inno? hasnt been on discord for a while

 

I hope and pray that this person is still alive and around. I don't know his circumstances, but I have definitely been in the same position where he is/was. I would love to talk with him in person over discord if possible.

 

Yea, I just now found out who he is on discord...never knew ma boi was going thru shit

 

He posted above he's at the hospital

 

INNOKIN was last seen:
Today at 8:23 PM

Awesome (and relieving) thing to see my dude! ^

We are here on this thread if you fancy a chat or want to put any thoughts to paper (or screen rather).

 

So are they still alive
Noone should feel thier only way out is by taking thier life

 

Alive, turns out I had a undiagnosed psychotic illness, lots of medication and weekly check ups later and I feel a lot better than I did <3

 

That's good happy your getting the you need

 

Well, at least you ended up getting the help you needed.. one way or another

If you'd like someone to talk to I'm always willing to listen

 

So figured I’d put a bit of a back story here for anyone who’s interested.

when this post was made I was highly suicidal, tbh I can barely remember it all.

I was isolating myself, I believed people were out to get me and people were conspiring against me. I was hearing and seeing things that were not real.

this is what the doctors called a psychotic break. Due to trauma, and a underlying psychotic illness (paranoid schizophrenia)

at the time the only way I saw out was to harm myself. Even in my delusional state the things I was hearing were in relation to my reality not actually being real and to escape my “fake” reality I had to kill myself.

I took a kitchen knife and stuck it in my arm a few times. I managed to hit an artery and a couple veins.

thankfully during my psychotic episode I was rambling and shouting very strange things to which my neighbour phoned the police and subsequently an ambulance.

I survived. I spent a while in the intensive care unit until my wounds had healed and I had a full psychiatric evaluation. I was transferred to a psychiatric hospital shortly after I was discharged.

since being in their care I’ve learned a lot about my illness, my triggers, the general things to avoid and much more. I’m medicated and attending therapies and weekly appointments. Since this has happened my outlook on life has changed, and while I will always live will this illness I can now manage my life and live with it in relative safety. I’m now no longer in hospital and can have my independence back


Thank you for all the lovely comments folks <3

 

Life gets worse before it gets better you just need to battle your demon and once you battle them you will feel better

 

I wanted to come back and check in on you/ask for an update! Hopefully everything is improving on your end? If you found a positive way to deal with these thoughts and feelings (maybe they're called "coping mechanisms" iirc?) please share here so we can help others in similar situations

My DM line is open, if you'd prefer to message me there I can pick out what works from our conversation and merge it here. I'm rooting for you