Rape

When my girlfriend and i were on a break in our relationship, my girlfriend was raped at the same club just down the road from me at around the same time i was there. I still put my self to blame for what happened because i wasnt there to stop it from happening. She has been to the police but was to embarrassed to put the person up for charges. He lives in the area i know his name and what he looks like i have so much fucking anger towards him that someone like him could be free to roam the streets and live his life like a normal person. Does anyone have any suggestions for helping out with her situation and how do i stop my anger towards him or is it normal?

 

dude the tormentting is over. You take risks when you go to a club. There are creepers there 24/7. You can get raped/shot/stabbed. The posssibilities are endless the only tip I could give is seek therapy for your girlfriend if she needs it. Dont do something you will regret later.

 

Wow, I would be so angry too mate.
Look put him up on charges no matter what..He needs to go punished and if not..your girlfriend is in further charge.
Also, don't resort to violence. Just have some mates to back you up in case he does something or tries.

Police man..trust me

 

there is no evidence that is the thing it is one human beings word against the other. Any further contact with the suspect could lead to emotional damage in my opinion.

 

I think it's too late to go to the police unfortunately :s.

Don't they need to take seamen samples? And I have no clue how fast those take to disappear.

Your anger is natural, if that situation happened to me I would be so furious I'd probably turn crazy and hunt his ass down.

 

you have to keep in mind this was at a club.. you have to prepare for everything and anything. Whenever my girlfriend goes to the club I tell her to be careful and call me if it looks like a weird scene so I could pick her up stuff happens man it's life.

 

I've never been to a club as I'm not 21, so that explains my lack of advice.

Just don't do anything you'll regret to the guy.

I hope it all turns well

 

She has already been to the police and submitted a statement but did not press charges and at the doctors tests were done on her to make sure she didnt have any STDs or she was pregnant. She did not feel comfortable having a rape kit done at the time and did not let anyone touch her or tell anyone because she was embarrassed for herself

 

you've got 3 peoples advice you shouldnt do something you will regret.

 

the tormentting isn't over, she will never forget what has happened to her it is something she has to have in her head for the rest of her life. Knowone deserves that

 

Legally what you have is called "hearsay"

You have nothing legally is she didn't press charges, and even if she does; if she doesn't have evidence of the rape occurring then sadly nothing legally can be done.

I don't blame you for having anger towards him, but just remember bro 2 wrongs don't make a right. Hate him, resent him, despise him, but not "hurt" him.

I would suggest that you comfort her and let her know that your there with her. Don't feel bad about yourself, it's not your fault. Just support her, as she's gone through a traumatic and possibly life changing experience.

 

Tell her it's nothing to be embarassed about, seek a thearpist.

you can't let the rapist go scot - free like that.

she'll be a hero if she testifies.

 

testifies? theres no proof man simply one mans word vs another mans its not fair but that's america for ya.

 

Don't hit him or anything.
The best is to talk with the police what u can do and what they can do.
Talk with a psychiater about it because I think it's really hard for ur girlfriend to talk about this.

 

This is a touchy subject, even more so since all the replies seem to focus on what you can do, rather what she wants you to do.

The single most important thing you can do for someone who has been raped is listen to them. If they want you to hold them, you better wrap your arms around them and only let go when they want you to. If they want you to talk to the police, you better have your phone out and be dialing them as soon as they to. Rape is a traumatizing experience, and the feeling of being powerless is excruciating (I had an ex who was raped by her uncle as a child, who confided in me that it happened. When I asked her what I could do, she just told me to "understand.")

I know the urge to want to be the hero: to take down the villain and force justice. It's not worth it. His blood on your hands is only acceptable if she tells you it is.

If she is having problems coping with it, your best bet is to listen, talk to her, and don't let your emotions get involved. Going to the police, getting therapy, getting treatment is all going to be her decision. As her lover, it is your responsibility that you be there for her every step of the way, no matter what she decides to do.

 

I suggest you talk her into going to the police again and actually handing the guy in, it's not good for her if her attacker is still roaming around the streets still.
As for your anger, that is perfectly normal, I know for a fact I wouldn't be able to control my anger in this situation and I would probably go and beat the crap out of him, but that wouldn't solve the problem, he will sill be roaming the streets and he can still attack other girls.

 

i really don't think i can handle this anymore she told me last night i am a mistake i can't stop myself from crying anymore. I dont want to be here anymore

 

When something like that happens, it can change a person for a while. She will eventually be comfortable with you again, but currently, if she is telling the truth, she will be in a very hard, tough situation. Don't do anything stupid, or that you'll regret, though. The most important thing is that you comfort her in this time, and that you accept what she has to say. If she says horrible things to you, it's probably down to her situation. Please don't make any stupid mistakes, though, like hunting down the rapist. Everybody wants to be the hero, but you don't deserve to have your life ruined VIA jail because of some sick failure who can't convince girls to consensual sex.

Good luck, Mate.

~Rejection

 

This just tells me one of three things:
1. You pushed her too hard. This I doubt since you came to us for advice before you acted.
2. She's having trouble coping. This is definitely a possibility.
3. She wasn't raped. She claimed rape because she cheated. This seems the most likely considering she's now berating you. It seems to me like she wanted an excuse to break up with you.

I'd say ignore her. If she wants to act like trash, you're better off without her. It always hurts a lot at first, but in a little bit of time the world goes back to normal.

 

1. i haven't pushed her at all, she has come to me for help and i have been doing all i can. i have not forced her to go to the police, i have let her cry on my shoulder like knowone else has
2. you have to be fucking kidding me, she isn't like that.
3. Claiming rape isnt something fucking normal okay, she has been in hospital and if you do all that for an excuse you have to be kidding me.