Girl help, Way more complicated then other threads.

Major fucking update as of 16-04 scroll down!



So there is this girl. We'll call her #1
Info about her/me
#1 is 16 years old
I am 17 years old
We both share a mental disorder wich makes it hard to succesfully communicate with others.
on a scale of 0-10 she's a 9,9 to me.

I really like her and have done so for the past 2 years, I never got around to asking her out because...
When I met her she was dating my 'best friend' (sounds pretty gay thus the ' thingys)
And at the time I was together with my girl with who I have recently broke up after three years.

About three months after we met there was a rumour spreading that she secretly loved me.
Smart as I was, I broke the poor girls heart.
Told her I would not want to be with her and she simply is not a girl i'd like.
I said this because she was still dating my 'best friend' at the time, And I was still together with my girlfriend at that time.
My 'Best friend' and GF remained oblivious and never knew about this, So I thougt.

another four months later #1 and my 'best friend' had a terrible breakup.
This fell together with a big fight between her and her parents.
At this moment she tried to commit suicide and very nearly succeeded.
After this she has been in and out of hospitals for months and I had not seen/spoken to her for even more.
At this moment I found out that he always has known she was in love with me.

About three months back she returned to the 'normal' people and I saw her again every now and then.
This was really hard for the both of us and kinda kept trying to avoid the other.
twoo weeks later she also started dating a guy from my school a real loser but they make each other happy so I was glad for her. (though they have been fighting lately)

Though one month later I broke up with my girlfriend after 3 years, Clean breakup aswell.
Both wanted different things and in the end everything went surprisingly smooth.
At this moment she sought contact with me again and I agreed to meet her for a burger.
I told the entire story so far to my 'best friend' and he said "Please don't date her, I don't think I can handle that."
So as friends I told him "Ofcourse mate, Don't worry about it. Bro's before ho's."

So last week we went rollerskating to the Mc Donald's and I bought us two meals and sat down.
We both had a great time, An awkward silence every now and then and some staring at each other, But nothing inappropriate happened.

I agreed to pick her up after school, Just as friends.
We got another burger and I walked her home.
Though we ended up fooling around on the way home and at some point she kinda nailed me to the ground and sat on me.
I responded with "please get off that" Then the giggled and said "make me".
I tried again. "Please?" she just wiggled around on it.
Then I tried to explain her how this was so weird for me.

I ended up telling her the whole story from the moment we met untill where we are right now.
I explained I never wanted to break her heart, But how it was for the best.
How I always tried to avoid her, no matter how.
She started crying and asked "Where were you when I needed you?"
I replied with "I had no idea, you felt like that."

An hour of hugging and talking later we had an awkward silence, and before anything happened I told her;
"Don't do anything to be with me. Keep seeing that other guy It can't work out now"
Eventually I said goodbye to her and gave her a kiss on the forehead.


What do I do now?
I can't stop thinking about her, It's crazy.
I want to be with her but I can't

Don't respond with "Don't see her again" I really do need help and that is not going to cut it


Update1: I have told my 'best friend' what I have done and it turns out he still wants her back.
Update2: I spoke to my 'Best friend' and we actually used 'the bro code' To see what to do now.
Layed down a few ground rules.
eg; No dibsing, No backstabbing, Bros before hos, No hard feelings etc etc.
Update3: Under no circumstance would she even consider talking to my 'best friend'
Update4: I got her home from school, Had some small talk, Pretty fun.
Update5: My 'best friend' said "Maybe I should let you two, Fool around. I don't know." He likes to be there for me but it's hard on him
Update6: Met up with her again this evening and we did some rollerblading, Great excuse for physical contact.
Though I am not going to kiss her and asked her not to do the same while she still is in a relationship.
Update7: I spoke with her once more and she has said she will not be leaving her current BF for me. (I have told her not to do so before)
Update8: Meeting up with her this saturday, Telling her I am backing off. At least for now.

Update9: After a month of pain and missery and several e-fights with her BF he threatened to 'kick my ass'.
I am not even slightly scared as he simply is this skinny-emo-kid, Though me being a hippy I dislike fighting and will only ever fight if the other person deals the first hit.
Though she did invite me to her birthday party at the pub we usually hang out at a few days later.
I got there, We said hi. Her BF kept dragging her away from me and making scenes with other guys.
After a 'fun-filled' night of ignoring each other (Me and her) in order to avoid a scene, Wich went pretty well...
At the end she was pretty drunk and I had smoked some vegetables and were alone for a while and figured I could ask her anything and get the actual ansewrs.
Decided not to do it as it could only ruin me, Again.
The next morning she apologized for her drunkness and we started talking.
And I quote "I'm sorry for ignoring you half of the night, My BF did not want us to talk. You should become friend with him!" "Haha, No way... Why though?" "Let's just say he won't be around much longer and it'd help for us to be together if you two were friends."


Her BF said in a fight "It's James or it's me." she came crying to me, I told her to choose for him.
We did not speak for two days, The second day (yesterday) I got stoned out of my mind. While being sick of it all I picked up the first girl I could and ended up doing stuff with her.
She turns out to be a friend of #1. Once she heard this she got upset and asked me if I did not love her anymore.
I said I did, But am not waiting for her to turn around anymore. Now she's meeting up with her BF (tonight) after saying "I do not want to continue with him anymore, Though he would like to try" About an hour later she asked me if Iwas free tomorrow and would like to watch 'Friends' at my place. But I should bring strong booze.

 

Complicated indeed.

I might have misread, but why do you say it can't work now?

 

Be her friend man, you to obviously like each other. I understand your friends position, and how it must make you feel, but you and #1 can still be friends without effecting your friendship with your 'best friend'.

Over time he will move on, get a new girl and completely forget about #1. At which point you just tell him that your feelings haven't changed about her (which they wont if you two are really that crazy about each other) and he wont even care man.


Time is the only answer, but in the meantime, prepare to be in the friend zone.

If you really care about her, you will be able to just be her friend until the time is right.

 

See the thing is, if you stay her friend, chances are that won't make the feelings go away. You have to just get her out of your mind completely. Only talk to her if you absolutely have to. Don't make it seem like you're ignoring her though, just make it seem like you don't care.

It may sound horrible, but if you stay her friend, those feelings won't go away.

 

Obviously you like each other, no questions about it. If you she's just dating the other guy because you aren't interested, it's probably not all that serious. Normally in these situations I just recommend staying friends, but hell, I don't see why you would.

If your 'best friend' was really a good friend, he'd care not only what's best for #1, but you as well. If he can't understand that your little 'thing' has been going on for years, then that's his problem.

So I say go for it.

 

I have told my 'best friend' what I have done and it turns out he still wants her back.

 

Wow that is complicated, tell your best friend that you really need to be with her

 

That's good for him, but if she doesn't want him back then where does that get you? He doesn't get her, you don't get her, and she gets another dude. If you two already had a thing, before she was ever with your 'best friend', then it's on him to come to terms with that.

 

Unfortunately one has to go, either the girl or your bestfriend.
Or you can do as the other guy said be friends with the girl and hopefully your bestfriend gets over her.

TBH, your friend is an asshole and should be supporting you to be with her.
You could also try telling him if you were in his shoes that you would have difinitley let him be with her and hope he understands.

You are in a complicated position indeed. :O

 

Talk to your best friend about, and tell him how you really feel. If he was any kind of friend he would accept your feelings and tell you to go ahead.

 

I've been in a situation similar to yours, and ive sat here for awhile thinking of what to post ( im the same age as you too btw )

Imo i would talk to your friend, explain your situation, and tell him how you feel about her and then work from there.

but if he likes her then i would honestly leave it, he may move on and you have to think about her current boyfriend too i mean you don't go steeling peoples girls bro lol like someone else said, time is your best option, just wait it out. Sorry if this post is useless lol

 

Stay friends with her but don't do anything, your friend will get over her eventually and you will be able to be together, I myself have rejected someone pretty fine girls in the past because they have been a good friends ex. You just have to wait it out, your friend will understand.

Edit: You could actualy try hooking your friend up with another girl in the hope that he will get over her a lot quicker.

 

Update2: I spoke to my 'Best friend' and we actually used 'the bro code' To see what to do now.
Layed down a few ground rules.
eg; No dibsing, No backstabbing, Bros before hos, No hard feelings etc etc.

 

Update3: she told me that under no circumstance would she even consider talking to my 'best friend'

 

I agree it is complex.

Basically you really want to be with her, but you can't because of the pact with your friend right?

Tbh, if your friend is really your good friend, then he'll get over the fact that you want to date her. Will he be pissed? Sure initially, but if he can understand where you come from and he's a good friend he will not only get over it, but support you.

Now lets assume you disagree with the above, then you probably won't go out with her despite your internal feelings.


Assuming however you agree, and decide to go out with her I find the dilemma is this.
You said she almost succeeded in committing suicide? Just imagine for a minute if you and her get a good relationship going, and then in the end it just won't work out. If past events are anything to go by, it's probably she would try to take her life again; and you would be scarred by that some way or another.
What I'm trying to say is, If you do decide to go out with her, don't lead her on.

My honest advice would be not to go out with her, not because of what your friend said, but because the fact that she almost did commit suicide.

Hope that helped, GL bro thats a pretty tight situation.

 

He isn't your best friend, go for it.

If she doesn't like him and will never be with him, and he disallows you being with her, that is ridiculous.

Just be with her, if his truly a best friend, he will understand.

 

Note to all posters; It's not that he is not allowing me to be with her.
He invoked the 'Bro Code' and asked me not to start a relationship, As friends.
I feel like I can't betray him like that.

 

Let me get this straight, he allows you to see her just not start a relationship...
It seems you've already made your mind up then.

 

Update4: I got her home from school, Had some small talk, Pretty fun.
Update5: My 'best friend' said "Maybe I should let you two, Fool around. I don't know." He likes to be there for me but it's hard on him
Update6: Met up with her again this evening and we did some rollerblading, Great excuse for physical contact.
Though I am not going to kiss her and asked her not to do the same while she still is in a relationship.

 

Talk to her, admit that you love her, even if you're afraid.

If you're not as brave, then try chatting her up or talk to her on Facebook.

In school, everytime you see her, you should say hi to her and soon you will be able to go out, maybe say: Want to go to Tesco with me? Or something.

Then move on to cinemas and all sorts, good luck man.