Paranoia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paranoid_personality_disorder

I strongly feel I suit the criteria for paranoid personality disorder; I suit the entire list, including the items which don't fit the layman's definition of "paranoid" (i mean 6).

Decisions I've made based on my paranoia have cost me friends, opportunities, nights out, jobs, and many other things, and it's not until it's far too late that I realize I was being absurdly paranoid, and the situation would have turned out better had I not been so paranoid.


Basically:

* I sometimes (not often) stay awake hours into the night fantasizing about getting revenge on people who have slighted, insulted, or wronged me years ago, as far back as elementary school. I can't fall asleep with that stuff on my mind.

* Many times I've been lightning-fast to deal with what I've percieved as personal slights or insults, only to discover that there was a perfectly good explanation behind the situation, and that the only consequence of my actions was that I had to apologize for being a dick.

* I often "overguess" and dive headfirst into complex situations without much of a clue what I'm doing, because I'm so utterly convinced that I can't possibly be wrong, and I also tend to underestimate problems at hand (point 6 above). For example, I've scrapped so many attempts at software development projects because I've ran into severe issues that I should have, but didn't, foresee.

* I frequently assume, prepare, and at times, preemptively act with the worst-case scenario in mind. For example, I defend myself before anyone accuses me of anything, which only makes people more suspicious.

I'm not sure if the connection between caffiene and paranoia is factual, or just a myth, however, it can't help that I'm so addicted to coffee that I can't get through the day without 3 spoons of light roast with my breakfast. I'm generally a very jumpy and nervous person IRL and people who know me well on Sythe.org would say that that's the case online as well.

It would be nice if I could just tell myself, "Govind, you're being paranoid, just think what a normal person would think and handle yourself that way", but I can never really convince myself that I'm just being paranoid and shouldn't be.

I would like to know if there's any advice other than medical treatment that people can offer. Anyone share my problem? I would like to know if I could just be a normal person like I easily could be without this one flaw of mine.

 

I have this exact problem.
Whenever we are at parties, I always feel sketched out.
Like the police is going to come.

Eventually I just stopped doing stuff that would get me into tight situations.
I guess that's why I'm always on the internet.

I never really knew it was a disease of some sorts.
I just thought I was overly cautious.

And the revenge part.
I see it as fuel to my drive.
I want to become better than them, as a way of revenge.

There is no point in going out of your way to hurt them because that just makes more drama.

 

This statement bothers me.
You are a functioning member of society, and one little flaw should not define you as strange. You are just as "normal" as anyone else.

My advice is:

When doing this, catch yourself. Tell yourself over and over that people are human, they make mistakes and its time to put the past behind.

If you cannot forgive, you will never forget.

This issue cannot be handled without dealing with the first listed appropriately. When you start making progress of forgiveness you will gain the sense of knowledge that others are entitled to their opinions and you will take lighter steps around their words.

At first you will still be apologizing for false launches but over time you will see steady improvement.

This problem can be worked on with just a little reminder when put into situations, to think things through, work them out in your head. Go step by step and visualize the outcome, if it doesn't turn out like you want then don't attempt it. If you do find yourself in a project and the outcome doesn't come to what you have foreseen, take a step back, find what went wrong and work for their.

This isn't necessarily a bad thing. Going in to situations prepared for the worst is a good defense technique and can actually help you on the road to recovery. The only thing you should work on is that the preemptive defenses.
They don't necessarily make people more suspicious, but it can lead you into sticky situations.

Perhaps try training your restraint and timing, try practicing holding back information until the time is right.

From my past experience I would say it is a fact.
Caffeine makes you jittery, hyper, and effects your mind in some very detrimental ways.
I would suggest moving down on your dosage slowly, then finding your way to just decaf. This should help with a lot of your paranoia.

Again, you are just as normal as anyone else. We all have our quirks and after time I feel that you will be able to look at this as if it were just part of the "old" you, and feel that the "new" you is more proud, and understand that these problems were all psychological.

I hope I helped, even in the slightest. If you need anything, or you just want to talk, please PM me, or add my MSN ([email protected])
I never judge a person for their problems even if its just as simple as a pet cat not looking at you the same

 

I would just try to operationally define your fears and then try to logically find a way to counteract them.

with happiness and fear, the feelings usually go away when you try to really define them instead of just experience them.

also, looking at situations logically with proper reasoning can help you with other problems of impulsion ect.

do not try to fool yourself into believing that there is one "normal person"

every one is an individual with differences. embrace yours so that you can first understand them and then try to change them.

the worst thing you can do is think that there is something wrong with you that is stopping you from being "normal".

 

"From my past experience I would say it is a fact."

there is no link between paranoid personality disorder and caffeine.
personal experience has an incredibly high rate of bias. keep this in mind when declaring something is fact based on a few personal experiences.

 

This has been a problem of mine for years. It's also why I attempted to go to bed at 2 a.m. last night and just woke up around 5 p.m.

I find it strange that I can recall the stupidest of all situations and I'll freak out in my mind.

I dunno, I can't explain it without sounding like a fool.

I've always thought it was more into anxiety than paranoia.

 

This matches with the quote "Liars never believe anything" this basically means that since they lie, they believe other people are lying to them. This connects to you in the way that you may be hiding something and that's why you're always paranoid? you don't want people to find out what you really are, or something you're hiding. Easy fix to this is just be careless, remember theres always good people out there, not every one is trying to hurt you, don't worry much about anything if someone did something unpleasant to you WHO CARES because you know what comes around goes around, something else you can do is EXERCISE it relaxes you, sends a substance called Endorphins which give you sense of well being, and it also gives a big boost of energy, and increases your self confidence, overall its great for you, nothing to regret about it. A very important quote "Forget the past, focus on the present, think for the future"

 

I can relate to a lot of this stuff as I've been having cases of Anxiety Disorders (Seeing a Therapist for this), mine got so bad that I had to get home schooled because I couldn't take it anymore. (Anxiety originated in my classes for no apparent reason)

I also cannot sleep until it's really late 3-4 A.M. and even then I'm not even tired. I always think about situations I could have been in or had.

I always TRY to control my Anxiety but it's not that simple, you cannot say "Stop being anxious" over and over because it doesn't work that way. The more you think about it = the worse it gets.


OT: When I was recommended a therapist I was like "Wow really.. do I even need this?" and it's helped me overcome my personal problems, so you COULD try that out and if you don't like it then just stop doing it. Personally I'd stop thinking about the whole "Am I normal?" because we all are different and thinking about it over and over won't really help.

Good luck sir and try to do some stuff that take you away from all of that thinking.

 

I was like that 2 years ago. I really was an ass to everyone I knew. Then I took a 3 month vacation, not meeting anyone, not talking with anyone, just working and thinking about my life. At the moment I tend to not get into any serious relationships with anyone. Bit defensive, but I tend to like this way as I don't have to go into relations problems. Might just be my character.

I don't know if it will help, but try taking a MBTI test to check out your personality.

 

Hmm, thanks for the responses/support guys

Sabby, I don't think I've got something to hide or be ashamed of, but thanks for trying to help.

 

Don't diagnose yourself, because I did that too, also it does seem like abnormal behavior, but I do some of the things sometimes too, some of them are cognitive distortions (Please see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion) I strongly suggest you read that, and that may help you target some of the problems you might be facing. Anyways, I was diagnosing myself with schizophrenia after a bad trip on drugs, then it turned out I was only diagnosed with GAD, If you are worried, go see a regular doctor, (not even a psychologist just yet). I also get some of the things you describe, they wear off later in life, my condition is still wearing off after a year of the experience. Also, it helps to talk to other people about it, try your closest friend that can listen. Hope I helped.

 

I have the same problem, along with anxiety problems. I am quick to conclusions, always think about the worse things first. I have a small group of friends, mainly because if someone does something I don't like I automatically hate that person and insist on not getting a long with them.

A long with that if my girlfriend doesn't text me back in ten minutes I start to anxious and bother my friends around it. She doesn't know I have these problems, but I am glad my friends are able to coop with it.

 

Don't get too worried about it man, they have labels and disorders for everything these days. I think the majority of it is BS, people are improperly diagnosed all the time because the sympoms for some of the conditions are just too general/vague.

I myself can relate to atleast 3 of those points (to an extent). So according to the WHO I too have that disorder even though i'm very chilled, not anxious nor fearful of anything really.

I'm not sure if you stay awake so long purposely?... but again, I can relate. I'm like an elephant, I never forget if somebody fucks me over. I have a very over-active mind which tends to re-assess everything once my head hits the pillow.. and occasionally I remember back to these incidents and get annoyed.. it has cost me numerous sleepless nights.

Was it an irrational perception though? You know, when im tired.. sometimes i'll speak before my mind has weighed up all the factors of the conversation and I get the wrong end of the stick, so to speak..

Don't be too hard on yourself.. happens all the time with Software Development (I'm doing it too).. I see people in my class run into the most obvious of problems. It just down to experience.. the more you do something the less mistakes you make.
Coding is like learning a language and you only can only speak fluently once you've a full understanding/grasp of the language.

It's normal to do that in a group of people. If you feel that whoever done it won't admit straight away then you state why/how it couldnt have been you.. and leave it to the rest to offer their explanations. It's a process of elimination, with the person who done it usually caving in or giving away some tell tale signs of dis-honesty while trying to be convincing that it wasnt him.
Your friends must be very suspicious/untrusting to suspect you after you tell them in all honesty, it wasnt you.

It's not directly related to it.. but some of the symptoms you describe are undoubtedly due to the caffeine. If you weren't buzzing all the time you'd have a more peaceful state of mind.

Well, for what it's worth. I don't think your paranoid from what I just read.
In saying that, it's difficult to guage a personality in so few words.. and I aint no Doc, but I hope I have gave you some re-assurance. I have experienced most of what you have written and I'm over it.
Don't be so quick to label yourself with these conditions.

Wiki Definition of Paranoia is: "Heavily influenced by anxiety or fear, often to the point of irrationality and delusion."
From what I gather, it doesn't seem like you are any of those?

Cut down the caffeine, you really don't need it.
It will make you less jumpy/on the edge and help with sleeping.
Improve your relations with your friends, you should be able to feel comfortable around them.. or just spend time around people who are more relaxed/happy/friendly/easy going if this is not possible.

No wonder you're suspicious of people.. with so many scammers on Sythe you really have to be on the ball

 

I feel like that kinda fits me. I've never really thought about it. Whenever I'm around people that I'm not around all the time, I get like jumpy. I always think people are generally out with bad intentions. (like I always think people driving are trying to race me or cut me off or I'll hold grudges against people for a long time over something that could have been blown off as nothing. I always think things are more than they seem, like conspiracy kinda stuff but with everything. I just have this feeling of negativity and like everythings gonna go wrong. I take long pauses before I answer questions because I'm trying to figure out things like what were they thinking or why are they asking me that. I really am not good at describing myself, but I feel like yeaaa..

Do you like shake when you get nervous, like shiver? or do you like always question whether or not people are lying all the time? just wonderin

 

I have been paranoid at times, but not to this extent, I didn't know that coffee could cause paranoia either but perhaps you could limit the amount you're having.

After doing my research all the advice I can give is; relax.
Apparently when relaxing you are keeping your thoughts on other things.
Being stressed can also cause paranoia so are you having a hard time at all or has anythig happened in the past which could have triggered it or have you always been paranoid?

 

The coffee can only make you more jumpy - After all, that's what it's designed to do. I would advise trying to wean yourself off it, rather than simply going cold turkey, or even better - Focussing your addiction on something else, like tea

 

This is very common in every human. In a lifetime, most people think about suicide at least 5 times. I still think about back in the day and want revenge too, but I think it's just normal.