The psychology of attraction - a study by me. (young'uns beware)

A username on this board inspired me to release a study that I've been working on for a while.
That user is: Oxytocin.
Oxytocin is referred to as the love hormone in some scientific and nonscientific circles, and for those of you having trouble getting ladies/gents, this hormone could be the key to getting that guy or gal you want.

Oxytocin is excreted in sweat, saliva, urine, what have you and only produced and secreted by the pituitary gland, but what we're really interested in is how to get higher levels of it to be present when you're around that special person!

But first, let's get into the details of what the release of this hormone signals:
-pair bonding
-feelings of comfort around the prospective mate
-reduction in anxiety
-speculation* that also is responsible for what we call love.
And a host of other things.

Oxytocin can be released by yourself or with another, for now we'll concentrate on the first. Masturbation. Scientific studies (though not entirely conclusive) have shown that post-orgasm oxytocin levels are up to five times normal in both male and female brains. For the females, stimulation of the nipples also releases this love-hormone.
Why do we care about what happens when you play with that silly snake (or go cave diving?)? Because, it is my belief that release of oxytocin when not around this partner or prospective parter can cause the brain to be more comfortable when alone, thus increasing anxiety and such when around this person.

Now, on to the juicy stuff. If you're already in a relationship, these tips could escalate said relationship depending on where you're at. If not, these tips could potentially help you land that big date. It's all my own personal speculation based on my high school years when I started this 'study' of sorts.
1. Make him/her feel comfortable around you. Posture is important. Don't tense up, lower your shoulders, and don't avoid eye contact. Engagement is the first step.

2. Once you've established engagement, pay attention to details. Acute (or even hyper) attention to detail can be the deal or no deal in situations such as finding that mate. What do they like? What don't they like? It may sound creepy, but pre-engagement, find out what they or their friends smell like and try to mimic this. It can put them in a more vulnerable position because it tricks the brain into thinking they're around someone that they are usually around.

3. Those first words. Make sure that you always ALWAYS make the conversation about them at first, and not you. Girls/boys don't want to hear about you when you're trying to establish a friendship, not at least until they've revealed what they're about. Then you can tell them about yourself. Tone of voice is also important, be an empath. Try and use a non threatening tone of voice to see what's going on in their life, and empathize.

This is where we get into the how to get their oxytocin levels higher.
Remember tip 3? Empathy is one of the emotions that cause oxytocin to be released. If their dog died, tell them about one of your pets that died, sympathize, and empathize. Share the emotion. This is called pair-bonding.

Empathy establishes trust, and trust establishes relationship. Whether you've made it to friendship or dating at this point, empathy and trust are key. A higher level of oxytocin has been found to point to a higher level of trust, and the more trust you have, the more opportunity you have to empathize and keep building those levels.

Generosity is also another way to increase your partner's oxytocin levels. I'll leave you to speculate on how to be generous to someone you love/have feelings for.

If you want, I can continue on how to increase those levels once you're in the relationship in a sexual manner, but I'll let the people be the judge.

Just remember, even if you have the upperhand hormonally, physical attraction plays a huge role in oxytocin secretion.

 

A very good read. I kind of have a problem with number one, I really have to think about in order to do it, otherwise it is just a natural reaction. But I do feel myself loosen up when I am around people I know better.

 

Thanks for the feedback
This hormone is supposedly the reason why females commonly associate sex with love as well, though it's all speculation as far as research at the moment.

 

Interesting research. I agree that steps 1,2, and 3 help you out, but I don't think it's a deal breaker (maybe you implied this). It's almost common knowledge that these help you out, but I didn't know the reasons behind it. 1, is pretty much a given. 2.1, is known, but 2.2, maybe not widely known, but I see how it can work, smell and memory go hand and hand. 3, I agree, I've had success by being empathic, it makes it easy to relate with each other, sparking up a relationship.

Also, would you consider confidence in males, and femininity in females to cause higher Oxytocin secretion?

 

I myself would assume that confidence in this area would be caused by the hormone itself, but this is again speculation.
Femininity I am not sure of, on the off-hand.
/off quote topic
Interestingly stimulating the female nipple is considered to be a cause of release, not surprising to me but could be to some (a la wikipedia).