Family Issues

Ok, so my dad is a pastor. He originally went to college for aviation, both flying as well as being a mechanic. I'm the oldest male in the family, just turning 17 last week. I have 2 younger sisters, one is a freshman in high school, the other a 4th grader. I am a junior. I'm around 6 foot, 160 pounds. I'd consider myself athletic, I run track, Cross Country, and I play basketball.. varsity all 3. My parents started a local church when I was 5, and it's grown significantly since then, with aroudn 400 members coming every week. My dad is still the only pastor, and most responsibilities are thrown on him.

Ever since I entered high school, things have gotten worse in my family, primarily my parents. I was so lost my freshman year, I had no idea where I belonged and had a rough time fitting in. However, sophomore year I was voted homecoming king of my class, with our school of about 1,400 kids. However, my relationship with my parents has only gotten worse. I've become depressed, my parents and I constantly fighting. My sisters and I get along great, it's just the parents I have issues with. We don't agree on anything, constantly yelling and fighting over stupid stuff. They treat my sisters so much better than me, and I can never be good enough. I get all B's and a few A's, but my sister got like a 4.2 last semester, so therefore I again am not good enough. Everything's always taken out on me, and within the last year my dad's become both verbally and physically abusive. My life's falling apart. I've never smoked weed, and I've quit drinking, although it doesn't help. Sometimes I feel like smoking would help, but I don't want it to affect my lungs and lose my potential track scholarship..

My parents signed me up for counseling, but I stopped after a month or so because the counselor was their friend, and he was bias, helping very little. My issues are getting worse and worse, sometimes my parents threaten to kick me out. I don't know what to do, they won't get me a car, and they've flat out told me they don't trust me. I don't have a girlfriend, nor do I really want one right now, and I feel like I have very few if any people I can really talk to. I've tried running away before, but I was caught and dragged back home. My depression's gotten worse, and I've cut myself several times (on my thigh, not to get attention).. What can/should I do? Any suggestions? I hate feeling like this, but I don't see any way out. I have a hard time knowing what to believe, because if God's done that to him, I want nothing to do with him.

Edit: Sorry for the long wall of text, if anyone has any questions feel free to ask, I'll add more stuff in when I have time later.

 

Tell your dad to go fuck himself and god. Don't cut yourself either, you just look like an attention whore when you do shit like that.

 

If you cut yourself on your thigh no one will see it, I don't do it for attention.. Don't assume shit before you ask

 

Don't assume before i ask? kk that almost made sense. Also just because it isn't visible doesn't mean you're not doing it for attention. By having a rough relationship with your parents you feel cutting yourself is your only way to communicate with them. This is a classic cry for attention. You obviously care about attention or you wouldn't be posting about this on the forums.

 

Wrong. Entirely wrong. I use to cut before. At one point, it WAS a cry for attention. After a while I ended up concealing it, making sure nobody would find out. It was more of an act to be able to subsitute the emotional pain with physical pain. It gave a rush.. it somehow dulled the emotional pain and brought me closer and closer to having the guts to finally off myself.

As for the problem at hand, I grew up in an abusive home and it was shitty. One of the reasons why I'm so fucked up right now. The only reason I escaped it, is because my parents are the ones that stopped it. As for the depression problem goes, you can see a shrink, you'll most likely be put on antidepressants, which in turn will give you bad side effects most likely. I was on them for a while and I never want to again. You maybe should try them out though.. Right now, I'm too tired to type out too much text, but I can give you this advice:

Talking to friends does help. Being around friends just to "chill" does help. If you ever need someone to talk to, PM me. I've got lots of experience with abuse, drugs and depression and could offer you some more in detail help/share my stories with you.

 

I had the same situation, oldest sibling out of 7 siblings. I was always forced into doing everything, for them school didn't matter they didn't care all they wanted was for me to work and then to throw me out into the street. My dad was an alcoholic and would regularly have his rage sessions, about twice a week. He would just punch, kick, and smash objects against me. I was never allowed out of the house to go and hang out with friends or anything. I was rarely even allowed to go to school, the only time I went was when the school would send letters threatening my parents with court for my absences.

The best thing that happened to me was when they actually threw me out, I worked my ass off to go to college, got a GED scoring in the top 2% of graduating seniors, SAT of 1950 and working my way through college atm.

My suggestion is to get the hell out of there if it is getting really bad, try reasoning with your dad first, tell him how you feel, who knows it might go a long way.

If the physical abuse keeps occurring definitely report them, after about 2 months of being away from my parents I summed up the courage to call child protective services on them, my siblings were put into protective custody and are going to be living with my cousins for the time being. As soon as I have a stable financial life I will be adopting them so that they can live with me, haven't seen my family in over a year now but I still feel that at least things worked out.

Try talking, if it doesn't work try taking more drastic measures.

 

Yeah, because everyone posts on forums to get "attention". I have no avatar, no blaring or obnoxious sig, I've hardly posted since I joined. If I wanted to get attention I'd go about it other ways, so fuck off until you have some idea about what you're talking about.

Thanks for the advice

I'm barely seventeen, with no job or car, and to be honest, I don't have time for a job with all the sports I participate in. I don't think leaving is an option :/

 

I was 17 when I was kicked out as well, I only had maybe $2 in change in my pocket, no wallet with me, no phone, and only the clothes on my back literally. Now I earn $16 an hour doing manual labor.

But like I said try reasoning with your dad, tell him how you truly feel about all of this.
Also about getting a car, I never got one and its not really a parents responsibility to get one for their kid.

 

I've tried, I end up getting in trouble for "taking things for granted" as well as "lying to myself about reality" and other stuff..

I've never expected a car from them, I was merely throwing it out there. We don't honestly have enough to ever afford an extra car, we're not well off.

 

It sounds like you got it pretty rough. Screw your parents. You seem like you're doing everything you should be doing. If they insult you, stand up for yourself and tell them you're not doing anything wrong, and don't take anything they say personally.

Stay away from smoking. It's simply not good. If need something to reduce stress drink.

 

Yeah.. But saying "screw them" doesn't do anything, neither does sticking up for myself. The problem still remains, nonetheless.

 

What's the problem? They treat you like junk right. If what they say doesn't bother you then you don't have a problem.

 

bump!

 

Cutting releases endophines that make the body feel a little more secure with the owner. Weird fact but true.


Anyway I have similar problems with my parents and I have slowly gotten over it. Time rides it out. Just respect them, and look forward to your own future. I know its hard, but its you you need to make happy, not anyone else.

 

Leaving the household doesn't seem like a viable option here, so I'm going to suggest something more practical. Tough it out until college. If you so choose, you'll never have to see your parents ever again. I'd rather have you smoking some weed as opposed to inflicting physical harm on yourself. But honestly, don't do either. I'm sorry that your father hits you, but you don't have to take that shit. I'd hit him right back. (I know, easier said than done). In the meantime, keep doing well in school, get into a nice college, and live life independently and stress free. You have a bright future and a lot to look forward to.

Things will start looking up. Good luck.

 

Get emancipated. It will probably be one of the better options.

 

It's already been at least a year...

Yeah, I'm trying to stay positive, it's just extremely hard, you know?

Hmm very interesting, what would I need to do to receive this?

 

Prove to the court/judge you deserve it. You also need proof.

 

this is very similar to my life my relationship with my mom and step dad is horrible and i get ripped out every day for anything... i have also tryed running away and was found soon after. i sugest to stop the cutting and just dont listen to those fagots (aka your parents) and do your own thing get some friends that are interested in all the same stuff as you play some games with friends and drink as much as you can! pop that is... lol

 

Good example of how not to act in this forum.