Free money

First 3 people to make me laugh IRL get a random amount of money between one cent and one dollar. Go.

 

Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed
as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted,
and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes. Now it is the third man's turn. He asks for a fork. The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give
him a fork. As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!"

 

Almost, not quite :/

 

What the hell

 

There has been an error in da system.

 

My uncle died by being hit by a piano.
His funeral was very low-key.

 

Nope.

NO.


Keep trying

 

That wasn't a joke.........

 

Your mother.

 

You guys aren't trying very hard.

 

Grown people who play pokemon.

I'd like that in paypal please.

 

The Spam forum is full of useful information.

Women's rights.

What do termites eat for breakfast?
Oakmeal.

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved.

Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs?
Because the cow has the utter.

Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words!

Where does the king keep his armies?
In his sleevies.

 

I'm trying my hardest...

 

This make me lol IRL. Vouch, choose him.

 

What did hellen kellar say to the babysitter?
uhhnnnnmmmm

 

CSI 4-pane comics... Are... PANE-ful to watch...

YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

Lol'd

 

How is knocking up your girlfriend like locking your keys out of your car?

The problem goes away with the aid of a coathangar.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

A guy was having sex with a girl, and decided he was going to try his luck, flip her over and do her doggy style. The girl didn't complain, and just went along with it. The guy got a little more daring and decided to stick his finger in her asshole. She still didn't say anything, and seemed to be enjoying it. The guy decided to go all the way and proceeded to slip his dick in her asshole.

The girl suddenly froze, looked back at him over her shoulder, and said "Don't you think it's a little bit presumptuous for you to think it's okay to fuck me in the ass?"


"Presumptuous is a very big word for a five year old" he replied.