Girl Help [All opinions welcome]

Not sure if this should be in the asking for help section or not, but whatever. This should turn into more of a discussion than anything if you put as much thought into as I do. Before I get started, i'm not a stalker. When you see her every single day you notice patterns, you don't need to stalk the person to find out these things; and with the first day of school being tomorrow for me I feel the need to do something..I just don't know what.

First off, i'm not a shy person. I can walk up and talk to someone I have never met before casually. However, last year something interested happened. It was my first time taking the bus to school, and there was this girl that got on at one of the stops, I was literally intimidated by her beauty. Normally I could walk up and say hi but..I dunno. I just sat back and watched her sit down. I thought eh, it's high school, there's plenty of girls that can take your breathe away. After going through another year of HS and looking at the incoming freshies, no girl surpassed her beauty (i'm sure others would disagree..i'm biased, not sure why). So then I was dealing with THE most beautiful girl in my school (once again, in my opinion). But there's a catch (isn't there always?) she was silent. Not quiet, silent. Throughout the whole entire year not one word was spoken to her, and she didn't speak a word to anyone. The first two quarters she'd walk into school and dissapear downstairs; while I went somewhere to hang out with my friends. During lunch she'd sit outside of lunch and eat something packed or not eat at all and just stare at the wall, not one person walked over to talk to her. During the last two quarters she'd walk into school from the bus and go straight into the bathroom until the bell rang to go to class, and she'd walk right out and head to class. (this proves she wasn't using the bathroom for twenty minutes every day, god knows what she was doing). During lunch she'd be in the bathroom for an entire half a hour, once again when the bell rang she immediatly walked out. She never once looked like she had been crying. She wore short sleeve shirts a lot and shorts occasionally, you never saw any bruises (couldn't have been depressed because boyfriend/family was abusing her(Yes I know you can hit without leaving bruises, just stay with me here)). And she was such a beautiful girl. Perfect skin, perfect smile, gorgeous brown eyes..not one person talked to her.

Around the end of the first quarter I started asking around, (she is a year or two above me (I couldn't be sure)). People said she used to be talkative and they were all her friends, but this year she just wasn't social, and the change happened sometime over summer. One girl that gets off at her stop that i'm sort of good friends with told me she goes for a walk by herself every day at around the same time...I like going for walks to cool off or just chill or whatever but every day? And with the girls background and the situation it had a negative hint to it.

She depressed me everyday. Looking at her looking sad...
"Beautiful brown eyes both empty and sad" -Immortal Technique
This year something has to change..I won't let her go through another year. Please don't post "Well idiot, walk up and say hi". You don't think i've thought of that?

Intimidated by her beauty (not a real reason, ik)
Scared to find out the truth (it hurts to admit it)
I have, in a way - I sometimes held the door open for her in the mornings and she held the door open for me sometimes too. When she'd hold it open for me i'd say "thank you" and she would only nod...

Also, something that really pissed me off, near the end of the school year this dumb cheerleader would ride my bus. She was in the same grade as me and I had gym with her, I didn't like her at all. She basically made fun of her. Now this girl, was at least 4x as beautiful as the cheerleader. Undoubtebly. Any guy or lesbian would tell you that, but she was cocky. She asked her if something was wrong, and she didn't hear her. She tapped her on the shoulder, and she took out her iPod earphone and she repeated the question, and she said yes everythings fine. The cheerleader looked around the bus for 'support' and everyone kind of shrugged. She then turned around and partially whispered "wierd". and I swear to this day I saw that girls lip shake just a bit. I felt like fucking mauling that girl (guy hormones, defensiveness?) I dunno, but it infuriated me. There's obviously something awry, and teasing her for you and your friends enjoyment doesn't help anything.

The main point of the above story is to prove one of the more obvious possible solutions, she could be a mute. She can talk, she just chooses not to.

It'd be really fucked up...like if I found out the truth and it was a serious death in the family, family troubles, financial troubles, some dark past..and not one of her friends was there for her when the 'change happened'.

I want your opinions guys..what do you think of the situation and what would you do if you were me.

Thanks guys..
UPDATE 8/30: Today was my first day of school...many people that got on the bus at certain stops last year didn't; but I saw them around school. This is probably due to their parents taking them because it's there first day..Most importantly, she didn't get on either. But I did see her walk out, so she's either a junior or a senior. Anyways, the bus is very crowded (it wasn't last year). It wouldn't be hard at all to put my stuff near the window and sit on the aisle until her stop, then see if she picks a seat next to me. I tried this last year, but there were so many vacancies and she obviously perfers solitude so..it never worked. As far as I know she's not in my lunch shift..But she's just as beautiful as ever, and i'd drop every endeavor of getting with another girl for even the slimmest chance at her. To hold her in my arms...I can't even describe it. I suppose I am falling hard without even saying a single word to her...but I know not to fall to easily/hard...situations have seemed utopian before yet they've ended with heartbreak on my end. That's all for today, i'll get on after soccer practice to respond to anymore comments..thank you for your help guys; if she rides the bus tomorrow i'll do my best to sit down with her or catch her before she walks in

UPDATE 8/31 : She wasn't on the bus. A lot of people still weren't. Then I found out why...I felt like such an idiot. She can drive now; of course she's not going to take twice as long to get home riding the bus with kids she doesn't/can't talk to. I still see her at least once every morning but i'm always busy doing something..next time i'm just going to break off and say "Can we talk for a second?" If I don't get her this year...who knows how long i'll stay depressed. She's so beautiful..and she doesn't deserve what she's put through (as far as I know, then again there are VERY FEW people that deserve such isolation...)

UPDATE 9/11 : Today was opening day for rec soccer. (All age groups, we had a little parade, first games of the season, etc). She was there. I did not expect her to be at all; I was shocked. She didn't talk to any people her age, only parents and I couldn't make anything out. She wasn't a player either. Perhaps she had family on the team? I was getting my team picture when I saw her and couldn't get a word with her..this isn't much of an update but I figured i'd throw it out there. I never see her during school anymore..I think i'm just going to move on and silently wish her the best of luck...

 

Here's an idea, you can pay a guy/girl to go talk to her and see what's up if you don't want to go. It would be better if you can get one of her old friends to talk to her, as it won't be that awkward.

-LeetNeo.

 

I will pm you

 

This would be better places in the Personal Suppoer & Assistance forum.

I know it may be very hard, but the best thing to do would to just gradually try and involve yourself with her. A good idea would be to sit next to her on the bus one day, and try and start things from there.
Just start off with light conversation, get to know her a bit and then maybe if she starts to like you, she'll start to reveal to you what it was that started to make her unsociable and shy. Once you figure that out, you can work from there.
The hardest part will be finding the right opportunity to talk to her, but once you do you can work from it.

Good luck.

 

that's fucking mind boggling.. lol sorry it's just such a weird, unique occurance. but hey, you can always just forget about her, like you said, there are many other girls in high school that will take your breath away.

 

do the dirty with er mat'ey

 

Riveting story, chap.

Regardless, you said that she used to be social, that would probably rule out her being a mute.

If she's as attractive as you say, what is to stop you just walking up and saying a simple 'Hello'.. Worst that can happen is that she will not reply (probably the most likely scenario) but there's no hurt in trying.

Until this year I was pretty much in your situation, but around a certain girl it was like I was the mute. She was always trying to start conversation, and I really liked her, but I could never just talk to her.. Shit changed this year, bro.

ANYWAY back to your story, as Panzy Wanzy said you should try to gradually ease into a friendship with her. Don't pry into her personal life, whether at home or whatever. Loads of girls like her are probably bullied, some of the most attractive girls I know went through a depressive state from constant bullying (could be the same with her?). Not sure.

I'm guessing you're still young, which is another thing.. It's probably harder for you to just go for it.. You seem genuinely concerned for her, so show it to her? If you can get her attention, tell her that you've noticed that she is quiet, ask her why? Go from there.

Just my two cents.

 

Well this is a tough one, I know all about depression and such, and I have been through the worst, its really a killer (literally). I know you've thought of saying hi and such, but that is really the best move you can do. Its simple, kind, meaninful etc...Just a simple word "hi" or you can add, "how are you". Just start from there, see what she says. If all goes wrong or she "disses" you, just walk away. Try again in a few days, (she'd probbaly forgotten all about the last meet) and she what she says, again. Good luck.

 

I feel like you're over analyzing this.

Theres tons of possibilities why she doesn't want to be social. You know one thing: she's quiet. You have no idea if she's depressed, sad, etc.

I tend to over analyze a lot myself. The best thing to do, is honestly stop asking other people and just make an effort to make an impression on her. Not so much sit down next to her and try to start a conversation, just hold the door kind of stuff. You have to get her out of her shell instead of hammering her until her shell breaks.

 

Pay? Not the right word..but no. From the cheerleader incident it seems as if she doesn't want to be bothered...But yet I want to 'bother her'. It was a good suggestion though..but paying for information/friends..that's never the solution (in my opinion)

Thank you, I PM'd you back

I HAD oppurtunities but didn't take them..now I may have missed out entirely (check the OP)

About it being better in the PSA forum, like I said I thought about placing it there, but this could lead into a discussion about how to talk to girls in that scenario in general, and different methods..therefore placing it more into Off Topic. I'm not exactly asking for help, i'm asking for what you would do, you're opinion. However it is helping me...(those of you that take this seriously)

Forgetting about her...I thought about it. BUT what if she's meant to be my wife? If you don't believe in destiny or whatever ,what if I want her to be my wife? What if she's my perfect match? I'd miss out..

Excuse my language, but fuck you. Reported. This girl is unbelievably gorgeous. I feel repulsed by penises (i'm straight obviously ) and this might sound gay/odd, but I feel she's so beautiful she doesn't even deserve to be around them. If she was mine I definetly wouldn't rush it. To kiss her and hold hands, romantic dates..that would make my life so happy and fulfilled, sex isn't my goal here; if anything it's to help her.

Thanks . Refer to the OP..and yes i'm young. It's usually not hard for me to just go for it but..I am genuinely concerned. It's just..there's usually always people around and most of them are assholes, i just never have time alone anymore.

You're right...I really needed to hear the "whats the worse that could happen" argument from someone else..I said it to myself but it never really struck home.

I don't really like being overly social or very social either..using your anologies I think what i'm trying to do is get in her shell, and uncover what's in it and what events occured to put her in there.



Thank you for the comments everyone, I do read each and every one.

 

This belongs in Personal Support & Assistance

Wow dude, I admire you in a way, I would have punched that cheerleader so hard. I really have a bunch of stuff I can tell you, and If you want to chat about it add my msn: [email protected] or visit my personal support and assistance topic which can be found Here

 

If a mod wants to move it I won't object, but I stated why I put it here above. Thanks for admiring me I suppose, but I don't hit women unless my physical being is in danger...and getting violent wouldn't have helped my case when it comes to befriending/dating her...what girl would date a guy like that? I may add your MSN if things get more complicated..but as for now no thanks...if you'd like to offer opinion i'd love it if you posted here; there's no sense in me taking this to your thread though as i've already created my own. .Karl seems to think you're good with this kind of thing though, so like I said if things get more complicated I most likely will go to you. Thanks Greg.

 

Maybe she's anti-social cuz she picked up RuneScape or WoW. No but seriously...

Since your bus is going to be full this year , and there's going to be as many open seats, try to pick up on where she's sitting down. Of course, you have to wait til she starts riding. (if she does). If not, well I dunno. But it seems like girls like her type would just try to sit in the first slot available, so I'd try sitting towards the front, and try your best to make eye contact. Then, gesture or something so she knows you don't mind her sitting with you.

If that happens, just try to make small talk. It's the start of the year, so you'd have alot to talk about. New classes, teachers, people. And you could reflect on your past years, tell her funny stories. It seems like she could use a good laugh, honestly.

If she's not going to ride the bus, having an excuse to run into her is going to be much more difficult. Does she have any classes with you? Or do you see her ever go into the same class? If so, try to talk to her one day about homework. Ask her what the assignment was, if she could help you, etc etc.

Also you could always stop her when you see her and ask, "Hey, ____, didn't you ride my bus last year?" And begin the talk from there If I were you, I'd try to find an excuse to hang out with her. Tell her you don't have many friends on the bus this year, and you forgot your key to your house or something, and your parents are going to be gone. And ask if she wants to hang out after school for a while until you can get home.

I dunno, just a few ideas. This is an interesting story really, I could see something like this being turned into a book

 

Just Simply Go and say Hello to her as said before and I wish you luck.

 

lol'd at the first part. No she doesn't have any classes with me. I didn't see her in the halls at all..hopefully she starts riding the bus. You meant to say there arn't as many seats* this year i'm guessing But yes. I tried picking up on it last year but then she'd just go to the back or the front..she has a perferred area but her main focus is just to sit alone. If she starts riding the bus i'll just stop her before she walks in and say something..I just don't know what. I'm pretty sure once I start talking to her opening up will be a lot easier..I tend to be the kind of person people trust and open up to; and i've never wanted to help someone more in my life. As for the whole bottom part about hanging out, I don't think that'd work lol, but hanging out with her..indeed. The first date/hang out would definetly have to be a scary movie lol, or maybe go with the romantic route and a park picnic or something.

 

Updated the OP with 8/31.

 

What you don't want to do is ask her about what has been bothering her for over a year now. If it has bothered her this long then obviously it is a touchy subject. Try as hard as possible without making it evident to make her smile. Next time you hold the door open for her smile at her and make eye contact, or compliment her. Also, you may want to be careful if you do get her to open up to you. If she opens up to you in confidentiality during your two's relationship; that is one thing. If she does it assuming you are her friend, that is another.

 

I saw her once in between classes today..I was going to be late so I couldn't stop to talk to her. She didn't ride the bus today either...things arn't looking good. I may have missed my chance last year and not have another one...

I'm off to soccer practice guys, i'll update everyone tomorrow.

 

ok bro you need to listen to this because the same shit happened to me at a more severe level until people finally talked some sense into me.
You are literally blinded by love, Now your thinking to yourself what does this mean? let me explain my story and how it relates to yours.

Ok so going into 11th grade I really like this girl "c" so while in the same class i started talking to her befriending her ETC. Lets skip on.

Im the type of person who goes to party's, all age clubs, hooks up with 2 gilrs at a time, grabs asses stupid 17 year old shit. but with this girl it was different it was like i was a different person I was blinded by love. my friends would tell em shes not that good looking etc. but to me she was the most beautiful.

Now onto you, while reading your story I found some hints that your doing the same stupid thing I was for example:
"I was literally intimidated by her beauty. Normally I could walk up and say hi but..I dunno. I just sat back and watched her sit down."
"Perfect skin, perfect smile, gorgeous brown eyes..not one person talked to her. "
"
Intimidated by her beauty (not a real reason, ik)
Scared to find out the truth (it hurts to admit it)"

these are all examples of how your so caught up with her that you don't realize any other girls and you are WAISTING YOUR TIME trust me bro,

what you need to do is get your friends to talk some sense into you fast, as your waisting all your time thinking about her ( Although in my case we would talk for hours chill all the time etc) I could have done better shit with my time, if you have any questions please feel free to pm me

 

1. Tomorrow, find her. look at her. Make sure she notices. As soon as she sees you looking at her, smile and turn away. Don't look back.
2. Do the same thing the next time you see her.
3. Talk to her the third time you see her. Just say "hello," "what's up?" or "how are you?" anything along those lines will work. Just bring up your self confidence and become more comfortable around her.