Moving

To put this simply: My mother has some issues that require her attention in Oregon, the state above me. She plans on moving there within 8 months -- perhaps sooner -- and I need to make a decision as to whether or not I should go with her. Everything is still very unclear right now.

Pros / cons of going either way:

Coming with my mother to Oregon

Pros

1. 
   3-bedroom house as opposed to my current 2-bedroom studio apartment
   Probably more money

Cons:

1. 
   Uncertain what I'll do for a job, transportation, location, schooling, etc.
   Mother is rather volatile and emotionally unstable so difficult choice (I already live with my mother)
   Separated from rest of family unless I want to take a day-long bus ride through mountains and potentially snow/thunderstorms

Staying here

Pros

1. 
   Keep school
   Stay close to most of family

Cons

No certain place to go: Father's an alcoholic bachelor at 40, Grandmother's wouldn't work out​

So...thoughts? Please, none of the regurgitated generic responses like "Good luck, it's ultimately your choice and I hope it goes well."

 

How old are you? That would be a decisive factor, imo.

 

in all honesty, i would pick moving.
Because when you say in the pros section for staying you put "Stay close to most of family". Than in the cons you put 'Father's an alcoholic bachelor at 40, Grandmother's wouldn't work out".
To me it seems like the family at the current area would be nice to just visit sometime.
Rather than to stay with or live or come over quite often.
In the pros for moving you just put a bigger space and thats about it.
Hey more room is more room man lol.
Also in the cons you put "job, transportation, location, schooling, etc, and the mother problems".
job- when it comes down to it man, you will try for a job. You will need money, and everywhere you go there will be jobs ready.
transportation- goes with job, you can get a decent job and get a "get around car" is what i call a crappy car the drives lol. Also buses do great, walking, or riding a bike.
location- um do you know were you are staying? like near businesses, ghettos, or just estates? or is that what the question is for? and if so, im sure you will get a nice home because if she was called up there, it must be important enough to get a good home.
school- are you still in highschool? what grade? Also new school means new start dude. Thats how i put it when i moved. (dad air force)
friends- friends come and go, but if the people you leave behind are really truely friends they will stay friends even when you move.

Like i said my choice is moving (coming from a military child), i wish you luck!

 

If I were in your position, I'd probably stay and get an apartment with some close/reliable friends. If you have a job, housing with 1-2 other people isn't that expensive.

 

Sounds like your mom could use a hand if there is no other family where she's moving to. I'd move with her unless your already committed to a college or university. If your just in high school it's no big deal.

 

16. Not old enough to hold down an apartment or more than part-time at McDonalds.

I was discussing my options. All my family is great, just not for living with.

Oregon's mostly rural, and that's where I'll be living -- about a mile away from a small town. There's lots of nice homes up there. If I had to pick today it would be to come with her but it's still an important decision.

See above.

 

lol, from the family part i would pick moving. I mean visiting them would be awesome because you dont get tired of them and you will be happy when you see em!

Good luck on your choice but like i said from what i read it seems that moving will be your best choice looking at the pros and cons for both.

 

Well if you are not old enough to live by yourself, then I guess you will have to move with your mother. The only thing I could think of is staying with friends or family if you have anyone around, but you already said you didn't want to live with your father/grandmother. Your mother probably doesn't want to live all alone now anyways, and also like others have said above could probably use some help. Anyways I wish you the best of luck with whatever you do.

 

I can't make this decision for you, because I don't know the severity of your father or mother's situation. If you know that living with your father wouldn't work out, it seems that your only option is to move in with your mother. I'd go up to Oregon with her before school starts and map out the place, and see how you would like it.

When you say "stay close to family", does that mean that you have any brothers or sisters?
When you say that your mother has "some issues that require her attention", are these permanent issues, or temporary? If temporary, how long will they last for.

 

In your about tgump thread in meet the staff it says you recently turned 16? I would advise you go live with your mother in Oregon. Even though your mom is mentally unstable there will be more space in the house to get away from her. It would be hard to support yourself at 16 where you are now. It would probably be less stressful on yourself as well because there is more money you will not have to have part of the income on your shoulders.

 

-Tgump

This is a very important decision for you to make. Everyone chooses their own path in life. I just moved out on my own, and it's tough but life goes on. Remember that. Whatever you decide to do, your life will still continue. You need to search within yourself and not this community, and find what will be best for you. If you go based on what the community says or suggest then you'll be building something that is not truly yours. Be your own person, your 16 now it the time to realize that your going to have to be independent very soon.

hope this helps.

I wish you luck in your decision.

-Gorgankle

 

Bro,

I think you're a bit too young to be out on your own. Yes, I know it will suck so much leaving your friends and school but trust me, you'll figure out everything once you move to Oregon.

I'm sure they have people that you can hang out with there, maybe a school even better. In Oregon, you have a home with a loved one, which is better than any friend at all. If there's one thing that I learned growing up, it's that your mom and dad are the people that are least likely to hurt you. Friends can enter and leave your life, but your family will stay with you forever. Your dad doesn't seem like the perfect role-model, and it's kind of risky knowing he's an alcoholic and that you'd be living nomadism for a while.

I'd say, you might want to stay with your mom. If it doesn't work out, work a bit - buy a plane ticket back.

 

At this time I would advise moving with your Mother to Oregon. She needs support and you need a home.

You can always make new friends. Also you'll be able to visit your old friends at least every once in awhile.

 

Honestly if your 16 it would REALLY suck losing all your close friends and going to a new high school to try to start out. Do you have a girlfriend your really close with? That above all would be the hardest to say bye to. Honestly though I would have to say move. It will not be even close to an easy thing to do though. Will be very rough on you. Honestly if I was in your position I would want to stay very badly, but if you have no where to go there then it doesnt leave many choices open.

 

After reading the small introduction you wrote, i feel you should be with your mom. You are fairly young, it should not be hard for you to make new friends. You're also debating whether or not you want to move away from the rest of your family. I will tell you something from experience. In times of need, your mom will be the first one to help, not your family. If she can't support you, you should feel somewhat obligated to help her in any ways you can. Not saying give up your whole life for her, but just enough to make her happy, and not feel alone. Hope it all works out for you =]

 

In my opinion, you should move. If you have no body to move in with (that is family), then the best decision would be to move.

I don't know about the rest of you, but it's always nice having your parents around, figuratively speaking. Sure, they aren't a great addition on a date, but when it comes to having someone to live with, I would pick my mother over a more distant family member, alcoholic father, and just a friend, who's parents will probably just kick you out sooner or later anyway.

So my vote is for you to move. I wish you good luck!

 

Since you've already compared the Pros and Cons, ask yourself if you're happy. Do you enjoy where you are atm. Location, friends, house, etc. wise? Ask if you're sick of living where you are currently.

Moving would give you the chance to meet people, try new things, and possibly start a whole "new" life.

If you already have great friends, a relationship with someone, and enjoy your current life, don't move.

Before you do make a decision though, I suggest you do some more research where you'll be staying (city etc.), possible jobs, school, and things to do near where you could possibly live.

If you're still not sure on what you want to do when the time comes, why not go down there for a little "mini-vacation." Go on Christmas break etc. and look around. See if you like how it is up there then your current location. Only down side would be leaving school mid-year (if you were to decide to go) then again, you could just wait till the school year was over.

 

You say your fathers an alcoholic, who is going to be the man of the house? Remember that no one is born free, we are born naked and dependant, if someone had not protected, fed and clothed us for the first 15 or so years we would have died. Now it is your turn to put something into the house. Not only money, but effort too, helping with keeping the place clean, the cooking, the laundry. You will one day hope for this from your own children, just like your mum you will likely be very disappointed.

 

Don't let people select your life choices.
You are 2 years from being an adult.
Go with your gut feeling and do what you think would make you happiest!

 

I'd suggest moving. I personally have lived all around the world and find moving quite .... intresting? I'v lived in places such as Turkey, Italy, England, America and a few more locations. It's great experience IMO.

But obvisously for you it isn't quite such a big move so you COULD just move up for a month and decide wether or not you like it. And if you don't move back. Slightly awkward at your (our) age with education ect.