Film Script I Wrote

Well this is a film script ive written and i wondered what you guys thought of it.

 

its good, im gonna hand this in for my final english project. thanks.

 

lol good luck with it then, its more than likely going to be flagged up on your schools systems as copied.

 

lmfao WIN
Good script btw

 

Not to be rude, but it was kind of predictable, and the end kind of ruined it for me.
It would be a lot more effective if John just stared at the knife or the wall with a slight eye or mouth quiver. This gives the audience the truth about how mentally unstable victims of bullying can end up. Also, you should give a more detailed description of how bad John was being bullied as well as its preliminary effects on him; i.e. give a detailed description of his wrists or something when you mention the blood-soaked napkins on his floor. You should also provide more detail on the emotional abuse his parents (I assume) give him. - This can create a broader audience among the vast teenage populace who experience the same thing.

However, I did like the character of Joe because it showed how nasty some kids can treat each other. I would turn up the vulgarity of his insults toward John, though.

Other than that, it was a decent script.

EDIT: Your title kind of gives it a laid-back appeal. I assumed it was some kind of teenage dramedy or something. I don't have any good one's in mind, but something like John's Anguish or something of that nature gives the audience a feel as to what kind of mood this script is trying to portray.

 

the thing with the images is, ive tried to give a general image of what is happening but im leaving the main aspects of the imagry to the director to decide what to add.