You wish you were me.

YOU ARE ALL LOSERS. All you do is sit at home playing Runescape and masturbating to pictures of naked women, while I'm out banging them in real life. I accomplish more in a day than any of you will in your entire lives.

I'll use today as an example. I woke up at exactly 6:00. I need no alarm clock; I have two women that wake me by sucking my cock, which by the way is 40 and a half inches. Instead of taking a shower like a faggot, I stand up and allow Jesus to scrub my entire body with holy water. I don't NEED to be cleansed, since my pores already emit the manliest cologne possible, but it's good to remind Jesus of his place.

After killing a wild tiger and harvesting its meat for breakfast, I hopped into my 2015 Lamborghini Murciélago and another one of my bitches was waiting in the passenger seat. She was in the car all night, because she couldn't sleep without me having penetrated her. She hopped on me and started riding my dick while I squeezed her tits and drove with my knees. In three seconds, I arrived at the gym, which was fifty miles away. I threw the bitch off me, and she quickly returned to the passenger seat, where she would sit and make sandwiches until I got back. I did a septuple backflip out the car and flexed my bulging, huge muscles, which ripped my shirt off. Six women lined up, and we had an orgy, which was the most amazing thing they had ever experienced. Each woman climaxed when my cock came within five inches of her pussy, and went into an eternal state of euphoria after I put it in. I came, and three hundred gallons of semen shot out. They all became pregnant and spat out babies right then. Immediately, NFL GMs rushed to the scene and signed them to 50 year contracts.

I hovered into the gym, because the ground was too scared of my calf muscles to touch my feet. After benching seven thousand tons, I squatted four million kilograms. I started doing my four hundred laps around California, but I got a phone call from my personal assistant, President Barack Obama. I was urgently needed at a conference with nineteen supermodels. They orgasmed after hearing my voice. When I realized my bitch in the car was getting lonely, I went back and graced her with my presence. She sucked me off as I took the three second drive back home. I left her in the car and went inside.

I powered up my beast of a computer with a new form of energy that I created with my 720 IQ. It loaded Runescape using its 24000 GB of RAM and redirected me to my own login portal. After logging into my maxed character and impressing all my internet bitches with my 6 billion total XP, I noticed that Andrew Gower had been playing without my permission. I pulled his face off my bulging, 40 inch cock and ripped out his eyes.

He now codes the game blindly. Ever wonder why a trade limit randomly appeared? Wonder where the old wilderness went? That's right, you pathetic nobodies, it's all because of me.

 

tl;dr.

 

Fail Troll Is Fail
Do not Feed

 

^^^^^

 

You sound like me.

 

Was actually a good read.

 

You actually need to get a life, considering you sat there and wrote all that.

 

tl;dr

 

^^^^^

 

It was good actually. Nice one.

 

I sat there and read that what does that make me

 

This should win the most epic thread award tbh.

 

how about instead you fuck off and die

 

I read that and it sucks.

 

I wish I was as cool as him. I mean with the ability to flame for that long and keep semi-on track, damn you win a medal. Too bad everyone still thinks that you're a faggot.

 

Well I don't know who this kid is but I think this is an epic troll.

 

tl;dr

 

I wish i had 300 gallons of semen stored in my balls.