rap song I wrote in 5 minutes.

During Sports med I got bored, took out my cell and wrote this. It needs work but it has potential. It's influenced by the strugle, gang- drug related. I'm going to record it when I get a chance but for now, here it is. Please rate and discuss. I'm curious what people think of my work, I don't normaly write my stuff down I'm more or a free styler. Well here ya go.

<First Copy>
Weed in my veins, coke in my brain. Tryin' stay sobre just ain't happinin'. Dro in my pipe, smokin the the mind. When ya think ya just go blind. Thoughts just stopin', mind starts tripin', acid rushin from that tab, it just ain't stopin'. Perk up the nose. Oc through the veines. Drugs run my life 'n' I ain't stopin'. Bud on my mind, thinkin' bout next time I'm high. When I'm high I don't stop just keepin' it low. Low pro, profile if ya didn't kno, 5-o tryin' to catch me, but they be trippin'. So high in that sky ya just can't get me. Dare ya to try. By the time ya do that Xanax bar ya be on ya kneeze, I be doin' twp or three. Weed in my mind, rushin' through my veines, ya want me to stop? Well just keep tryin'. High life, the best life. For life.


<Second Copy>



Don't forget to comment on anything and rate from 1 to 10. One just sucking and 10 being great. Constructive Critisim is needed. Thanks!

 

My name is blackkk, i rap so good, i stay in da spam forum, dats where its good
yeah brandon is my name, merching is my game, i rap so good like everyday
cause ima wigger, go figure, another white boy dat wants to be a nigger!


CHHHHEEEEAAAAAAUUUUUHHH!

 

Yoo!!! your a wigger, Ya dun figure, ya jus anuva guy who wants to be a nigger.

 

I'm just wondering what "the struggle" has do do with your rap

 

yeH lmao what struggle man

Seems to me that you just like drugs

 

Sounds like some Lil Wayne shit.

 

bullshit.... :lol::laugh:



________________________
Wine Investment
Fine Wine Investment

 

Well if you've got such a struggle with the drugs etc, then you don't write a rap so easy, especially not in 5 mins. So maybe u an internet gangsta?

 

Seems pretty good. Wish I could hear a beat!

 

Could be a lil bit better.

Yeah dawg don't see no struggle related shit.

 

Yes it does. The beginning reminds me of Drop the World.

 

Not bad 7/10.
Make it rhyme more.

 

yah your rhyming need's improvement.. unless your my homie then your

'' PERFECT '' lol ..


and make it where drugs are good and not bad then you have a chance to become famous...

always remember me for that notion no1 that hates drugs wants to hear you explain about drugs.. and neither will people that do the drugs.. so no fans..

 

I live in the free usa
So listen to what i say
cuz this is what i do everyday
while i smoke my jay
and i walk down my street
seeing my homie, make the beat
while we rap and make that beat with our feet
good times good rhymes
CUZ IM DA RICHIEST THUG? IN DA STREEET
CUZ I GOT THAT DRUG? THAT CAN MAKE YOUR HEART BEAT
u wanan ask questions gonna get in a fight,
cuz nighas need to know im always right
especiall when they aint no light

Here i go to your house to sell you my dro
but i come in to see a nice ass hoe
then i get her touchin and start to bloe
every1 know what you do
then her big brotha comes up
gues what he got fucked up
Then i cut him under the ribs
look in me in da eye if you think im sayin any fibs
That brotha neva felt anything like my knife
I stole his life
then i shot this hoe in da head
while i watch her eyes turn red
now shes dead
time to burys my bodys in the ground
while they make no sound
neva gonna be found

 

yah first paragraph was all kool and nice

second was evil i have no idea why... lol

 

Honestly, I don't like this type of rap. I like music that really has a meaning, a story perhaps.

By the way, May I ask if you are white?

 

not that great the guy that said merching is my game is ownage rap ftw=]

 

I think raps that revolve around drugs are just plain stupid. Especially when I know for a fact you don't do half of these drugs, if any.

Weed? Maybe.

Cocaine? No.

Alchohol? Maybe.

Dro? You most likley don't grow your own weed, or buy it from people who grow it themselves, but maybe.

Acid? Probably not, but if you do use it, you're an idiot.

If drugs run your life, thats when you know you need to stop.

Xanax Bar? That's just a said excuse for cocaine. No.

 

Twinky rap? FTW

 

Yea it does, I pictured it at a slow pace, this isn't half bad though.