some problems

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I don't mind the long read, it's very interesting and I can relate in a way. sorry if my words are a bit sloppy or crazzy. English is my 4th language and I'm new to this advice thing.

Keep fighting and holding on. Things will get better with time, I promise. Just hold your head up and smile.

I have the same problem here. however, I personally don't view it as a problem. I internet all the time, play video games, go to school (college) and work. I have no real friends outside of work and school. But I'm comfortable with that.

However, if you want to improve your social life try to find people who you can relate to or have things in common. Also some people who are completely different than you can also become life long friends (I'm sure you already know this). While you're in school meet new people and make yourself social. Chat with a few classmates or find random people in the lunch room. Random chat will build confidence and also friendship.

Once you acquire friendship (which is easy) keep up with your friends so you don't lose them. The great thing about this is... friendships will also expand your social network and your confidence.

Working out well, exercise and keeping a healthy diet is more than enough. It might take longer or shorter depending on your genetics but eventually you'll reach your goals. The most important part here is to have faith in yourself, confidence and also be conformable in the skin you are in. I believe you will reach your goals.

Don't worry what other people think. If you're confident about yourself it will show and other people will see it.

Don't feel like you are pathetic because you are not. You are special and 1 in a million. Be confident in yourself and hold your head high.

I feel so sorry for you and your mother about this situation. I had some problem with my uncle like this. My aunt wanted him because he help pay bills [very long time ago] but eventually she kicked him out.

Have you tried talking to this person and letting him know how you feel? If so does it respect it? If not..... continue avoiding him.

Do you have spear time in the day when your mother is at work? Is it possible for you to watch your brother? Would it be a problem for you? If you have time... If possible ask your mother for you to watch your brother. This will help take the pressure of your Mom. And would help to get rid of that guy. (?)

I would at least say hi to him... It would put his mind at ease. I never got a chance to see my father.. I wish I could say hi to him...Even if he doesnt want to see me.

 

I really feel for you, and I can only relate to one of the points mentioned here. I also do not live with my Dad, and he is also a drunk. I just tend to ignore him. I have deleted his number from my phone, added it to the ignore list. I generally don't want anything to do with him. Maybe you should do the same if you don't want anything to do with him. If you do want to keep in contact with your Dad - sit him down, tell it too him straight. Advise him to go to a alcholic help centre, or something along those lines. That is all I can think of, if you want to talk on MSN, feel free to add me.

 

As Kadaj said above me, I can relate to some of your problems.

I'm a pretty popular kid, but no one knows the shit that happens in my life.
My dad is an ex-alcoholic. He would come home and start shit with my mom. And Just like you, My mom Was my bestfriend basically. She supported me with all her heart. Almost every day they would fight, 95% of the holidays, Would be ruined because of the fighting. So finally I Told them, Both, Not sure why, probably out of anger, That i'm leaving. I left home for 2 months. For 3 days i slept in the basement of an abandoned candle store. After that My friend snuck me into his house every night. You said you are fat, and Pathetic. Take those words OUT of your vocabulary right now. My best friend, The nicest person in the world is breaking 300 pounds. He has hair down to his waist, And i am Absolutly Greatful that he is My best friend. If i were you, Just give it a chance with other people. Step out of your comfort zone. Just gradually Talk to people, Talk about playing videogames,animals or Whatever Interests You. Try to Keep your head up no matter what happens. No one wants bullshit in there life, So kick bullshit in the head, And do what you do.

Look into some songs by tupac, I'm not sure you are into rap. But if you just listen to the storys he says. You will enjoy it.
Here you are a few links.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JlQcJAjYxaI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cjv7hEAytU&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rh9S4vLDDOI&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tbs7wWLXLpw&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7JuArhpTB8&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNcloTmvTeA&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3q0gqpOyx9o&feature=related




So keep your head up, and Remember. Only god can judge you. Fuck everyone else.

 

I'm currently a Junior in college, and I honestly had no idea what I was going to major in when I got here. Very few people do, until late in their sophomore year. It's really not something you should stress over, especially if you plan to go to a liberal arts college: college is a different environment, and there are a lot more options: subjects that you many not have heard of or considered before. You will find something you like, and even if you do major in English, don't think your only career option is "Journalist". All employers and grad schools care about is that you have an interest in something, and you're able to dedicate yourself to it. Writing happens to be an important skill for many jobs, anyway.

Your social life will probably change in college as well, if you want it to. There are a lot more ways to meet people, more people *to* meet, people are much less critical, etc.

As for weight, if diet/exercise doesn't work, or isn't something you want to do, then it is just something you need to come to terms with - because you're right, it's not your weight that keeps people away, it's your hyper-conscious awareness of it, and the perception that it's the first or only thing people judge.

Finally, the situation with your brother: don't be afraid to talk to a psychologist, a school counselor, etc - he may have a disorder and will probably need his own help, but you are still affected by it, and you are entitled to talk to someone.

 

I don't know how it is where you live, but here in Norway going to any kind of official thing (doctor, police, teacher), they would help you, or in any way address you to anyone who could help. Even if you're not a religious person, I believe a priest would help you too. Also, feel free to add my MSN if you want to talk.

 

I think that if you speak four languages, a few errors on your newest can be excused. And there isn't that many at all.

It's not that bad for me, most of the time. It's just very lonely. And the fact that it doesn't bother me that much isn't a happy feeling, it's a numb one.

It all makes sense. I just don't know how to make friends. Yes, start conversations, but the feeling of inferiority is just too much to chat much.

Well, I did have a group of friends at one point. You know, when Highschool started, I had a group of friends from middle school, and I stuck to them for support. That group began to break apart each year, until I only had one left. I don't know... I don't even think I liked them very much. They were just convenient. I knew them, and I didn't feel bad in front of them (well, aside from the constant barrage of fat jokes, which stopped around Junior year).

Quite right.

I always started each of my dieting and exercising programs with twinges of doubt. Not that I would fail... I felt that I was selling out. I hate to change my outer appearance to try and make up for what I'm lacking inside. But, I guess the real reward would be personal achievement, and a "fuck what others think" mentality would be a great addition.

I haven't any goals! :laugh:. Thanks, regardless. I'll just translate that into "I believe you CAN reach any goals you set". I think it's much more important to establish that.. Yeah, it is.

Yes, that is what I felt at my high. It was a great feeling.

I almost laughed. There's no talking to this person. I know, I'm probably not the best messenger, since I've stated that I hate him, but trust me, he there's no talking.

Over time, I've felt it best to avoid him. First of all, I can't be around him while the boyfriend is there. It leads to me being blamed, and then if my Mom defends me, a fight ensues (there's tons of alternate situations). But I do try to help her. Well, perhaps not as much as I should... she does have alot on her plate. But as for watching Daniel, she wouldn't dream of it now. I think that she's scared I might hurt him, as she has almost come done on few occasions. Of course, this is after severe provocation... you have no idea (well, perhaps with your uncle, you do), but like I say, her patience is her only weapon against her son.

Well I guess I could. But I don't want any contact. Perhaps later on, I can visit him. Talking to him is going to be hugely uncomfortable though.. I think I'll have to take up drinking just to have a phone call with him (jokes).

Thank you, Pimp. That was alot of effort put in, and I'm grateful.

Okay, I will. Are you online on the weekends? I don't want to take too much of your time.

That's a very good point Kadaj. If I do talk to him, there can't be any pussyfooting around. I have to tell him what's not working, and not let things slip by.

That must have been hard.

I wasn't trying to put myself down by saying I'm fat. It's just what I am. Of course it does have a negative connotation.. The pathetic part, yeah, it's just the perfect word to express how helpless and inferior I've been feeling. I guess spelling it out like that would be better.

Give others a chance.. that seems like a chunk of good advice, doesn't it? However it's very risky... giving things a chance never seem to work out for me, so I usually don't attempt.. yes, I think it would be good to get out of my comfort, but it's not easy. It's nice and safe when you are on bottom, but if I put my neck out, there's chances upon chances that things will go bad. My history has shown me that, but of course, I'm attempting to help my future, aren't I? Not worry so much about the past... hmm.

Thanks ii skill, some good things to think about, and good advice. I'll listen to those songs while I finish up the replies.

It's just the way people talk.. it seems like there's not going to be any chance I'll be able to compete. Of course, this may come from my past experiences... I don't win things. I just don't feel as smart as I've always been portrayed. I got good grades in classes because I kept quiet an didn't talk. I did well in memorization classes, but in the subjects where you can't bullshit your way through... I always failed. It just seems like theirs plenty of mes, and I still am the underdog.

I guess that's the biggest piece of advice. People say things similar to that all the time, but I guess it's important to acknowledge that it will not get better without effort. I certainly do hope people are better in college... well, at least I'm sure they'll be a little less vicious.

Very true. And I suppose it's important to come to terms with it even if I do lose the weight.

We'll see about that. I might look into going to a counselor anyways. I know my mother would be overjoyed, and I could talk about it along with my other issues.

Thanks Sin.

Yes, I'm starting to think more and more that talking to someone again would be a positive thing. Thanks for the offer, I might add you on MSN. I'm not on that much though.


Thanks everyone for your advice and support. I don't feel as bad, but I know nothing substantial is going to happen overnight. I'll just have to see how it goes. More than that, though. I have to start deciding how I'm going to handle things. I need to focus on the rest of my year, and look to college and see how I'm going to get along. I'll ask my mother if going to a counselor is still feasible. I can't really grasp my feelings at the moment, everything seems jumbled up. I'll just have to start making small changes and subtly change my outlook on things. If it takes, perhaps I can move onto big things. Again, thanks everyone.

 

I can offer a little bit of advice on the social awkwardness, but that's about it. I was doing very well socially until around the start of grade 8, when I started high school and a lot changed. I started talking to people less and less, especially girls, and I started to get really nervous talking to people, especially new people or people I didn't know well. Recently though, I have just been talking to people more and more bit by bit, and it is really an easy thing to do when you are confident about yourself. If you are confident it really does show, people have more respect for you instantly. Regarding your weight, there is a boy in one of my classes who is probably your weight or heavier, but he is social with people just like everyone else. He is confident and laid-back, so nobody cares about tertiary things like his weight. I find a good way to get over your nervousness about things like that is to make jokes at your own expense, but of course it is different for everyone. I have relatively bad acne, but I joke about it, so it makes me as well as other people more comfortable with it and shows that it's not an issue.