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Anyone willing to give some feedback on lyrics?

Discussion in 'Music' started by ScarySad, Sep 9, 2009.

  1. ScarySad

    ScarySad Newcomer

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    Anyone willing to give some feedback on lyrics?

    -Untitled-
    Jet stream at my face
    Cars racing by at my feet
    I wanna take the step
    And feel the updraft
    As I fall to my defeat

    I’m tired, so fucking tired of losing what I could have had
    Always feeling this monotonous knot in my chest
    Restless nights and burned out days
    Why won’t someone just kill me?

    Pushed in front of a truck
    Held underwater until I cant breath
    Anywhere’s better than here

    -Positive Selfishness-
    Trapped under unanswered questions
    Indecisive values and goals
    An endless search for what I want in life
    Never sure on what my future holds

    Doubtful and insecure mentally
    Leads to a mountain of passed opportunities
    Praying and waiting in hope of a sign
    Only to find a scene of myself watching time tick by

    And again I’m left with these unanswered questions
    When I know that nothing will change
    Unless I change myself for myself
    With the only question being
    “What’s’ the best for me”

    -Warped World-
    Dark purple clouds outlined in red
    Fill my world with the familiar end
    The night now falling
    Like it always I did
    Atmospheric pressures rise
    My eyes begin to sweat again

    Will there ever be a change in here
    This world I’ve made inside my mind
    Dissipates the love and joy out of real life
    The outside world spent with friends
    Is always affected by the never ending battle inside my head

    Breaking free is easier said than done
    When I lack the faith provided free from above

    Time to open my mind to wide open view
    Its time to see my world with an unclouded color hue

    -DeJa Vu-
    A reason? I’m unsure
    I’ve yet to find an answer
    To the recurring name of a person
    I’ve just begun to build tithe with

    From persisting thoughts within myself
    To the street signs that pass
    The name that may be in my future
    Breaks my train of thought everywhere I glance

    My emotions are blurred by introspection
    Half filled with hope, half with aggravation
    A wall I’ve built for so many years
    Is now being torn down
    By what was once my biggest fear?

    Love and commitment for another person
    Was once impossible
    How could I have loved someone else?
    When I didn’t even love myself

    I’m giving me a second chance
    A brand new world
    Blueprinted by thought
    Engineered from the heart

    I plan to this life forever
    A world where I can love another
     
  2. PerfectRsServices

    PerfectRsServices Member

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    Anyone willing to give some feedback on lyrics?

    okay...
     
  3. spunjungle

    spunjungle Apprentice

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    Anyone willing to give some feedback on lyrics?

    I want your lyrics lol They are pretty good, They can be used in many different genres. One tip... Spell Check ...
    Other then that i would say 9/10 for all fo them =]
     
  4. Pray switchin nub

    Pray switchin nub Member
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    Anyone willing to give some feedback on lyrics?

    pretty good stuff there mate keep it up
     
  5. chewyylala

    chewyylala Active Member

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    Anyone willing to give some feedback on lyrics?

    this is really deep :O
     
  6. cowseatcows

    cowseatcows Guru
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    Anyone willing to give some feedback on lyrics?

    Wow, that was pretty good. Nice use of diction :D
     
  7. hiway_2_hell

    hiway_2_hell Active Member
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    Anyone willing to give some feedback on lyrics?

    i think you really dug deep down inside to right this. i really like it. keep it up
     
  8. frozenrain

    frozenrain Forum Addict
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    Anyone willing to give some feedback on lyrics?

    I think it is a bit too rude. The lyrics contain rude language and I think you should change those parts to more decent words
     
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