n0valyfe, the untold story? :3

One dark and cold winter after noon, N0valyfe was about to be born when his mother had to get her vagina amputated because he was too fat to fit out. He never met his mother (she couldn't live without her pussy) so he dicided to live with his father (some lvl 19). He was some cheap begger who coundn't even afford a cock. N0valyfe didn't want this to happen him. So one hot summer day he locked him self in his basement and made a vow to be the second strongest player in RuneScape.

During this period, he gained 283849500498578574 kg. Infact at one point he had to be removed from the basement because he was to fat to fit in it. in 2006 at the realese of a new skill he had failed his vow, he was now the strongest player in the game.He was so devistated that he stopped eating. He was so hungry he could eat his own fat, which he tried to but his 400 chins prevented him from moving his neck forward. To keep him at a stable weight, emergency crews removed his house and dumped several truck loads of ice cream into him. The men knew he loved RuneScape so they gave him a giant bilboard sized sceen and keyboard so he could still play RuneScape. He would have left the room but cound'nt because he was so fat, while this period another player, Zezima I belive, took the lead. N0valyfe got back onto the game.

At one point in the game, he ran short of money so he scammed a couple of players with a unique type of scam he call 'borrowing' the victims of this 'borrowing' he called 'friends'. He made about 460M. In one article in a Varrock]] paper, he was the finacial genius of RuneScape, but was he realy? In 2007 the Fuck.it times said he was the biggest impact to the RuneScape economy because he stole millions with his 'borrowing' scam. The 'friends' on the other hand were in desperate shock, because FagSex hasn't added a lavalamp to the game. On a cold night in September 2008, something struck nova, he was now becoming fat not only in reality but now also ingame! In 2008 nova was the first player to ever max out his character with out macroing, and he not only made RuneScape records he made world recored also ; 'Longest time spent in a basement', 'fattest living man'. Fuck.it time wishe took a picture of N0valyfe scamming a pathetic noob:

N0va wasn't the only fatty, he had much competion including; The Old Nite, Zezima, Uloveme, Lilyuffie88, Divine god and S1acker. The old nite was the fattest person in the world weighing 29439.93 metric tons until n0va took the lead with 29578.12 metric tons. The total volume of these two, consisted of the state of Montana, North Dakota and Idaho. The rest of the competion (excluding Zezima)together weighed 783098.92 metric tones and consisted of the foreign nation of Canada. Only 1 in 1,000,000,000 Americans know where the forign nation of Canada lies. It has a population of 4 because it can't fit anymore. Zezima is the third fattest person in the world. He weighs 28945.38 metric tons and has not left his home in Nevada since 1989. It is virtually impossible to get in/out of Zezima's home because lack of room. Getting back to the N0va, on average it is estimated he gains 0.943 tons a day.


Nova climed the highscores so quickly, not even the super macro 5000 (Created by FagSex so that they could write in their news section that thousands of players were banned) could beet him. When it comes time to speak of what everyone thinks about him, many say he shouldn't be called n0valyfe, he should be called Nolife. These days no one really gives a rat's ass about Nova as second place. He is nowhere near as good as first, meaning: Wow you got fat trying to be the best and still didn't succeed, you suck! Andrew Gower soon decided to add construction. After Gower added this Nova somehow became the best player in the game causing him to enter a state of trauma (read The Life of N0valyfe for more info on this subject). After his fall to second place he was low on money and scammed to get more. He has been awarded multiple awards on runescape and FagSex is currently working on making him one of legends of RuneScape toys of the weekly toy give away in the Crappy Meals at McGowers.


(average day of n0valyfe)

His love life started out with a potato, unfortunately he ate it. He then moved on to some chick in his basement. He lived with her for several days and she lived with him (she couldn't really leave) then one night, N0va dreamt he was Pking and thought she was a lobster so he ate her. In 1998 he married a very strange woman with very big boobs, some people know her as Dr Phil. Dr Phil tried to help n0va by trying to get him to admit he had a problem. But n0va wouldn't admit it so Dr. Phil broke up with him and stated going out with Zezima in a way to get back at him. N0va didn't even about the affaire until Zezima dumped the bitch for trying to say he a problem with his weight. In 2000 N0va married a man by the name of Oprah Winfrey. Durring this marriage N0va cheated on Oprah when he fell in love again with Oprah's sister, and his ex Dr. Phil. Adventualy Oprah caught N0va and Phil humping each other in her studio, with a live audiance, while they were playing RuneScape. N0va begged his wife not to end their 3 day old finacialy arranged marriage. Oprah refused to stay with him so he filled a divorce. At that same time a tragedy struck N0va, Oprah used up all his runescape membership money on a sex change before the divorce. After selling a few of his organs on ebay, N0va could afford to be a member again! When he became a member, he met a hot pixilated chick, one that looked just like all the other chicks, Woman Level 2! Woman Level 2 was a NPC but a 20 year old hacker who goes by the name Darth Vader took control of her and N0va and him began a internet relationship. But adventualy Vader caught his pixilated Stormtrooper having pixilated sex with pixilated N0va. Vader was heart broken so in order to get his payback Vader started to cry to luer N0va into being his slave. Sadly for Vader his plan failed when N0va got hungry while trying to stop Vader's pathetic crying and ate him. N0va stayed with the stormtrooper for a while but broke up with it when he filmed their sex and submitted it to The Empire's Funniest Videos. His next relationship was with Michael Jakson. One evening, Michael atempted to molest N0va, colud not as N0va was to fat. After the police informed N0va of the attempted molestation, N0va swore of dating for life.


- credits of uncyclopedia



... epic.

 

No idea what this is...but it is a fail

Retarded story, didn't even read most of it and tons of words are spelt wrong, what was point of posting this and if you wrote this, you should be embarrassed...

Rs Emperor

 

I don't really find that amusing, its really childish I must say.
If you want real information here you go:

Tip.It: When did you begin playing RuneScape, and how did you come across it?
N0valyfe: Most people find it surprising when I tell them, but I started playing in July of '04, and an online friend showed me this wonderful game.

Tip.It: Did you have any prior knowledge of how to play the game, perhaps your friend who introduced you to the game also taught you how to play? Or did you teach yourself to play? Was this your first account?
N0valyfe: I remember when my friend showed me around Lumbridge and the surrounding areas, fresh out of tutorial island. He was level 30 at the time, but I thought he was very knowledgeable, so I sort of went with it and absorbed it all in.

Tip.It: So other than your introduction to getting around you taught yourself? And this was your first account?
N0valyfe: This was my first account, yes. I did a lot with my friend for a while though, and we sort of figured things out together. blind leading the blind.

Tip.It: How and why did you choose your RSN? Have there been times that you wished you could change it to something else? If so, what are some names you would have wanted to change it to?
N0valyfe: I've actually been using this name quite a bit before RuneScape. It should mean "nova" or "new" and "life." I've given thought to changing my name to something more traditional, but I'm generally happy with what I have.

Tip.It: What drew you to choosing a name with this meaning? Did it have some significance in your previous use(s) of it?
N0valyfe: It was my first AOL screen name, way back in 1998. I thought it would fit the online atmosphere, especially in the 90's.

Tip.It: Do you play the way you do in order to be a top ranked player, or is it because you set a personal goal to beat the game (by getting every level to 99)?
N0valyfe: It's a bit of both. I've basically been geared on skills since day 1. It's nice to watch it all grow.

Tip.It: So it started as a personal goal. At what points have you switched between being competitive and being self-driven? At what point did you decide that you wanted level 99 in all skills?
N0valyfe: I think the key point started when I struck it rich with slayer and said to myself, "Hey, I can really make this fly." Before then, I enjoyed working with each skill, seeing where I would go with them, but only dreaming about 99's.

Tip.It: You've achieved these levels much faster than anybody else in the game. Many RSC players say RS2 is far easier. Do you receive much criticism for the speed in which you've achieved your rank? If so what do you think of this criticism?
N0valyfe: I think the criticism stems from the fact that it IS easier to level up faster, but the mistake is letting that go to their heads. Remember, this game changes constantly, and part of playing RuneScape is to keep up with this change.

Tip.It: Do people seem to think less of your achievements than they think of the other top players'?
N0valyfe: I've never given it much thought, basically [I've] minded my own business.

Tip.It: On average, how many hours per day do you play?
N0valyfe: I average around 10-12 hours a day.

Tip.It: How has playing this much had an impact on your life outside of RuneScape? Such as health, social, school or job-related issues as a result?
N0valyfe: I think, in order to play this much, you really have to put aside and sacrifice a lot of other things. It's not for everyone. I want to put my best effort into what I want to do

Tip.It: So what have you sacrificed?
N0valyfe: A steady job, for example. I was nearing the end of my college studies when I first started, and RuneScape blossomed into something that I felt I wanted to do full-time.

Tip.It: Did you finish those studies? How have you been able to financially support this much game play?
N0valyfe: Yes, I've been done with college for a little over a year now. I have a master of science in electrical engineering. I live at home with my family.

Tip.It: How do they feel about how much time you spend online? What kind of pressure do they put on you to do other things?
N0valyfe: I think it's very respectable that they've given me so much room to take care of my own business, and of course they tell me to get a job haha.

Tip.It: Anyway... back to RS. After getting a skill to 99, do you ever keep trying to raise it? If so, what skills? And what motivates you to do so?
N0valyfe: I try to move on to a new skill, usually in increasing "difficulty," easy to hard, mostly based on how long each skill takes. The extra experience after 99 is usually through services I do casually. It's tough to see it go to waste, after all.

Tip.It: As close as you are to having the maximum possible level, do you wish the cap exceeded 99? What thoughts would you have if Jagex made it higher?
N0valyfe: I've read about similar topics on the forums, but I never expressed my opinion. I think, IF they should choose to raise the cap, they should do it incrementally. For example, they could perhaps raise the maximum by 5, see where it goes, then take it from there; something like that.

Tip.It: You're very close to being level 99 in every skill. What are your RuneScape plans upon reaching this goal?
N0valyfe: Rankings have been on my mind lately. I would like to close the experience gap between me and the more experienced players.

Tip.It: Does working on level 99 in skills ever get tiresome or boring? If so, is there anything you ever do in RuneScape for fun besides leveling? (Castle Wars, fighting high level monsters, PKing, etc)
N0valyfe: not in RuneScape, though I do look out the window more than I'd like to admit. I do try to attend a few clan events each month to take some stress relief.

Tip.It: Does Jagex ever ask for your opinion in anything, or discuss upcoming changes with you? Do you feel your high rank or long-term game play gets you any special attention from Jagex (in updates, reports, etc)?
N0valyfe: since I'm not related to Jagex, no. And I don't find it very surprising either. I am after all, a RuneScaper just like the rest of us.

Tip.It: In your eyes, how has the game's community changed over the time you've played, and how does it affect the way you work on skills?
N0valyfe: I think as a community, RuneScape is TOO forum-based. We trust forums to express ideas and opinions, but sometimes I feel like we're not playing the game for what it is. Overall, the community's been good.

Tip.It: Merchanting has had a huge impact in the game's economy since slayer was introduced, especially with the rare items. In what ways has this impacted the way you play the game or pay for skills, if any?
N0valyfe: I think for the exception of rares, it's a good way for raw materials to cycle around the game. Money's always an issue, because we naturally want to save as much as possible, but it's hard to change the trends that you see in the market, so I just try to live with it.

Tip.It: Has the massive rise in rares had any impact on how you play? Perhaps using them to "invest" when you gather large sums of GP?
N0valyfe: Rares are great investments, but I don't see money as a collection of wealth. I see it as the potential to work on a skill. With that said, I'd like to own a rare, but it's not at the top of my list. I've yet to play the rare market game though. Maybe I'm missing out.

Tip.It: Looking back, are there certain skills you would recommend getting high before others; perhaps skills with benefits that would make raising the others easier or more efficient?
N0valyfe: I think certain skills do carry more weight than others. I'd recommend combat skills for those who are unsure how to proceed, since it opens up so many opportunities later.

Tip.It: Do you have a favorite skill that you like working on more than others?
N0valyfe: [I've] been a fan of fletching ever since I got members.

Tip.It: What was your first 99? And which level 99 was the most satisfying for you to achieve? What made it as satisfying as it was?
N0valyfe: HP was my first 99. The most satisfying would be Smithing. Everyone dreams of 99 Smithing… everyone.

Tip.It: When raising "expensive" skills, do you tend to use money made from other skills to pay for fast methods; gather the materials yourself; or balance profitable methods with costly methods in order to minimize expenses?
N0valyfe: I used to balance things out. I think it's important to realize that with some skills, you can't continue doing that all the way to 99. opportunity has to knock for you, and you have to answer.

Tip.It: So you use money from other means to buy the fast methods?
N0valyfe: Yeah. I had a fortune from whips, which allowed me to access faster methods.

Tip.It: Now that whips aren't worth nearly as much, when you need to make money, do you tend to use skills, merchanting, PKing, or drops from high level monsters?
N0valyfe: My wealth has been steadily declining, but aside from that, I get by with drops or selling old bank items.

Tip.It: So, unlike many of the first 85 slayers, you didn't stock up on party hats and sell them after they rose in value?
N0valyfe: That's right. Many party hats were used as payment for the earlier whips, but instead of investing, I sold them to work on skills.

Tip.It: Did you have any idea that they would go as high as they've gone now? Would you have done things differently knowing what they are worth now? Do you think your lack of RSC experience had any effect on this foresight?
N0valyfe: I'm stubborn. I never thought they would rise so quickly though, but as I mentioned earlier, I'm not too concerned with my wealth. As long as I have enough money to do what I can, then I'm happy.

Tip.It: With your place in the scores you've automatically gained fame among other players. Are there times you feel that this attention has hindered your ability to play the game as you'd like?
N0valyfe: I think I have to watch what I type more than I'd like to. I want to carry a respectable atmosphere and reputation. It's amazing how a few wrong words can destroy that.

Tip.It: Are there times when this fame has made the game easier for you?
N0valyfe: I try not to flaunt my name, but I think it makes buying items on the official forums easier.

Tip.It: Do you ever use a secondary account when you want to play without all the attention? Do you ever post on fan site forums using an alias, either to avoid attention or to keep from having what you say associated with you?
N0valyfe: I rarely sign onto secondary accounts, and I try (it's becoming increasingly harder these days because of the impersonators.) to claim the same [fan site forum] name as my account name. I do, however, mask my identity. Tip.It forums is an example.

Tip.It: What are your thoughts of the #1 XP battle between Zezima and Lilyuffie88, if any?
N0valyfe: You make it sound so epic. I think they have their way of playing the game, so not much can be said without speculation. They have killer experience, regardless of what they do.

Tip.It: Do you think you will ever race for #1 in XP? Or are there any skills you think you'd like to be #1 in?
N0valyfe: For now, I don't think that title can be claimed by "racing." Rather, it must be something you have to earn by time and every-day dedication to the game. It's hard to decide the second question haha.

Tip.It: Is there anything about the game (the game itself, not the players) that really annoys you? Is there anything in particular that you would change if you were able to change just one thing?
N0valyfe: the chat system annoys me. I don't think it's an effective system after a while. You have friends that you just met, clan friends, clan members in general, sellers, buyers, etc. It all clashes into one list. I think I would change it by implementing groups and adding status options.

Tip.It: Lastly, what tips would you give to a newcomer wishing to maximize his skill total as you have?
N0valyfe: Play the game inquisitively. try different things out. read forums. wait for opportunity. work hard. have fun.

Tip.It: awesome. Thanks for your time.
N0valyfe: thank you, I hope this interview was educational.

 

Funnyish, but very immature and unkind. I think you should grow up to be honest, you shouldn't go around being unkind to others because they are better than you at something.

 

Jeaslous much...seriously, what has the guy done to you?

Ooops, didn't see that you didn't write it...well same thing applies to whom ever wrote that...

 

this is retarted, no offense its quite immature

 

I found this one alot more interesting and entertaining than the other one.

 

Retards these days...

/lock

 

Ffs you guys are retarded.. this is from uncyclopedia.. type anything into it .. there all like this. You either find it funny or you don't.

 

This isn't even funny. Immature.

 

I second this.

 

Tip.It: On average, how many hours per day do you play?
N0valyfe: I average around 10-12 hours a day.

O_O

But seriously I feel like punching the original poster, everyone who thinks the post is funny, and uncyclopedia...all those rs players, they never did anything to you.
Okay they spend alot of time on the comp, why do you care?
Bunch of 12 year old's jealousy?

 

Retarded idiot.

 

Sad noob. dont be jealous.

 

wow cant believe i read it most of that

 

I actually knew N0va. He was in the same clan as I (The Gladiatorz) for quite sometime, he actually is a really nice guy and (To me) Doesn't really sound like a nerd. He sounds chill just like every other guy.

 

Wow.. you guys need to lighten up and learn when someone is being serious..
Im pretty sure that OP is not jealous of Nova or actually believe anything it says in the "article".

Time yous guys learned to laugh at yourself( and others) without taking offense at everything.

 

That was a very stupid story

 

Hahahahha.
This was quite funny.

When he dream we has PKing, and thought she was a lobster and ate her. - Best part.

 

Troll't