Diary of a (Grammar) Nazi

Fiction about people like me who want to rid the world of total fucking retards.

September 15
Today I was reading debates in SFA. I was horrified and shocked at the lack of understanding of the English language. I quickly set out to teach him a lesson he'd remember. I used an advanced IP address tracker to find his exact latitude and longitude, accurate within millimeters. I bought a plane ticket from my offshore "lesson" fund under my fake ID. The next step was simple. I went to his exact location, and I waited for him to get off the Internet and finish his fap. He fell asleep, and while he was out I planted my Grammar Nazi special. I was extremely excited, and as my previously untested prototype was waiting for his next Internet visit, I left a surveillance camera to see if it worked. I boarded the next flight home.

September 22
Today I was fine-tuning my prototype. It didn't work as planned, and I had not ridden the world of another lingual rapist. The guilt plagued my mind and I felt as though there were lead in the bottom of my heart. As I wrap this note up, I am lurking in the deep corners of the General forum. The trolls of SFA were too much to handle, and I needed practice. I started new on my project and I am rushing to complete V2.

September 30
Today I made my greatest success yet! I was checking footage of my auto-Nazi and it has done everything I planned for it. Today was it's first kill. A small step, albeit the biggest one yet. There is much to come.

October 5
My auto-Nazi is near completion. It is almost entirely self-sufficient, generating it's own power, learning more and more from each situation. It has a brain of its own, and can find every tiny error in writing. It is almost ready for SFA. SFA today, maybe Newgrounds tomorrow. Only time will tell.

November 21
I have started mainstreaming production. Everything this machine can do, isn't enough. There are more total retards than ever before, my situation is growing desperate and time is running out. My original V2 has been destroyed from overwork, it wasn't ready for Newgrounds. I need to make it smarter, and make it learn how to cope with absolute dipshits. The newest function I have added was to find improper capitalization. I'm kicking myself that I didn't add this originally, it would have saved me so much time and money.

November 29
I have more time to write my progress as the process is entirely automated by now. I have had each machine report back to the main machine, which I Frankensteined together from my old V2 model. I have ridden this world of over 41,000 improper linguists but there are never enough gone. I'm coming close to their source, but something is keeping me away. It will be a long time of waiting until I can nip the bud.

December 2
Today, I got a report back that almost a third of my machines have been captured. I fear they may be given reverse polarity and protect the retards and come after the last desperate strain of intelligence hiding in the SFA forum which has been fought for for the past month. I'm trying to find a secure BB to lay my keyboard down and rest. But with this news of my machines being captured, I don't think that will come for a long time.

February 27
Our situation has worsened. The days we have left are numbered, and we have no miracles coming our way. The only hope we have is that the retards will eventually starve on their own retardation.

March 18
It has been so long since I have written in this diary. My Nazi machines are growing tired, even the most durable advanced thing I could ever think of is giving up. I saw the sunrise today and I had an idea. I should pull back, find a safe forum and regrow my army.

September 16
I have done it! I was lurking in the Spam Section! The last place the retards would think to look for me. I have done some things I am not proud of to blend in. After I conquer the retards I will be plagued with guilt of lowering myself to their retarded level. I have calculated that I need 30,000 machines at least to take out the source of the retards. I will begin to browse 4chan tomorrow. Only God knows what will happen.

September 18
My attack is underway. The machines are currently madly killing retards as we speak. I have cleared /b/ and will soon hunt down all the stragglers with my reserve of 10,000 machines to ensure the retards cannot reproduce. This world shall never see chatspeak again.

October 10
I have reached my goal. The retards have been completely eradicated, and the small pockets that pop up every now and then get eliminated. It has been over a year but I have succeeded. The retards multiplied on an exponential level, and I destroyed their breeding forum. I have not been able to stand the horrible memories I have over typing in chatspeak. Although my brief regression to retardation was just that, brief, I have not recovered. In fear of being contaminated with retardation, this will be my final entry. I will be no more.

 

I think a grammer nazi would say Something For All. they also wouldnt use conractions ..
otherwise i lol'dd

 

Did you write this? Because I find it pretty funny.

 

Correction: "I think a Grammar Nazi would say 'Something for All', and they also would not use contractions.
Otherwise, I loled"
I use contractions to make it easier to read, make it seem like an actual person is writing it. I don't try to make it perfect, but I have way higher expectations than "wouldn't use conractions ... i lol'dd".

Yeah, I made it because I hate improper grammar/spelling.

 

lol'd*

I really enjoyed reading those entries.

 

l2getlaid

otherwise fail.
grammers is 4 swine flew

 

lol

swineeeeeeeeeeeee

 

How's using acronyms and contractions not proper grammar?

 

Yes. Now, if I was typing a formal letter, I wouldn't use any contractions. But since I'm just typing a story to seem like some guy's diary, I use them. And as for the acronyms, SFA is a fairly accepted one for Something for All, at least on Sythe.

 

So many mistakes... You have destroyed any right you believe you had to be part of the "Grammar Nazi" group.

 

and wut bout teh ppl tat talk lik dis

Seriously though, I do quite a bit better than some of the total retards out there.

 

No one has perfect grammar. Like TDD stated, you too have made mistakes. But i definately agree that everyone should at least try to use some form of grammar and type full words instead of abreviations.

When i say abreviations, i don't mean say "laugh out loud" instead of "lol". I mean things like "right" instead of "rite" or "you" instead of "u" etc etc.

**With exception to the spam forum .

 

I believe "Internet" is spelled with an uppercase "I", but I don't know. Isn't it?

 

Yes but you actually try. They on the otherhand, do not

 

I'm pretty sure it is, but the term is defined pretty loosely on whether there should be a proper noun status. The term "Internet" is like "Dumpster". It used to be a proper noun, but eventually it became a word incorporated into our daily language, and the capital isn't too needed.

The exact point I'm making. Some people really want to have the easy way out and talk like a preschool dropout, but I want to appear to be at least a tiny bit intelligent. I have even seen poetry in retard speak.

 

I understand where you are coming from, however, I do not believe that you can 'measure' someones intelligence by how they type online.

 

I don't believe perfect grammar is a necessity, just enough to where I can clearly understand your post and not want to slap you on the cheek. I won't care if somebody happens to say, "Me and Tyler went to the movies earlier today. He was alot funner then my old best friend, Joey." For the most part, however, this was funny. =P

 

I agree with him. ^_^

 

lol....urggh....shit...must stop using internet punctuation and grammar. Oh n03$ 1'm d3v3l0p1ng l33t sp3@k.

 

Commas are to complicated for me.