9 Things I Hate About Everyone

The first 9 go to maddox, the rest are mine

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?


2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.


3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". What good is cake if you can't eat it?


4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?


5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No fucktard, I paid $12 to come to the movie theater and stare at the floor.


6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there.


7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.


8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest thing anyone ever does! What can you do that's longer?


9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

10. When people say "ain't" isn't in the dictionary. Hey jackass, it is. Have you tried looking it up? Of course not.

11. When people say "places where the sun don't shine" How would you know that? Have you been there?

12. People who say that God is an all loving father. Compare the Old Testament to the New one, because I think God is a little more pissed off in the older one, don't you think?

13. When people say "I wouldn't touch that with a ten foot pole" well, what difference would it make? Either way, you aren't touching it.

14. People who courtesy flush. Why would you do that? It's already gone.

15. People who use sympathy. Hey, if you look it up in the dictionary, buddy, you'll find it between "shit" and "syphilis"

16. People who are atheists and say "Oh, my God" Oh, my God what? I thought he didn't exist?

17. When people say "can't teach an old dog new tricks" What the fuck? Of course you can, why couldn't you? What magically stops you from doing so?

18. People who say "Let's go roughin' it" No, I'd rather sleep in my warm comfy bead instead of sleep in the mosquito infested outdoors.

19. When people ask stupid questions like "Are you hungry?" Yeah, I'm hungry. Even though we just had steak, please, gimme another plate. thanks to Chantecleer

20. When people say "Can I help you with that?" after you drop something (e.g. your books) No, I don't need your help. Why would I? I'll just pick it up with my crippled ass.

21. People who are always optimistic. Hey jackass, happiness doesn't make the world go round, you expect me to smile as I'm getting kicked in the nuts or God waves his "fuck you" stick at me?

22. Your ex wife asking for visitation rights. "Hey baby, I know how much you lost in that divorce, and how you lost 50% of your possessions, how about I come over for dinner and see the kids? Or, better yet, let me take them for a bit, like your stuff."

23. Satanists who say they do not worship Satan. Hey buddy, what's your religion called again?

24. The saying "when in doubt" what the hell? When in doubt, do what? Finish your god damn sentence!

25. The saying "When in Rome, do what the Romans do." Okay, I'll just make my civilization collapse for you, Kay sunshine?

More to be added soon

 

You have some valid points. Too bad I've read that elsewhere before.

 

Those are just small things... it's not like a big deal.

Just simple questions or statements.

 

Planning to add more things

 

these are so funny man! and they all make sence

 

You updated the list... great. There's a point to all of them just it still doesn't matter much lol.

 

Couple of good ones, did you make them up or did you get em from somewhere?

 

Some are funny.

I don't think #4 is funny because thats the whole reason they say that. As a joke.

 

Dude I agree with you 100% on these

My mother always asks stupid shit too, if I remember it I will add it, but some examples are:

Are you home? No, I am still in school, my voice is just super loud and you can hear me a mile away.
Are you hungry? (5 minutes after I had dinner)
Are you going out like that (after I came from tanning) yes I plan to go streaking you fool.
Are you smoking? Yes I was smoking in my closet hence there is no fucking smell anywhere.

father examples:
Did you have a good time? No, I was kidnapped and tortured but my wounds healed up n the way home.
Are you done with your homework? No, I am just watching television so I can do my homework later when I am all relaxed and ready to go to bed.
Did you shower? No, but my hair is wet because went for a swim in the lake.

 

My turn:

1. people who make stupid pointless threads

 

Haha lmfao, I love #4. That one totally gets its point through lmao.

 

Wow, how many times has this been posted? I've seen this in 100's of different places. If you're going to post it, come up with your own material.

 

ummm give credit to maddox, i'm almost positive that's who made this.

wow. that's a dick move.

 

I already did, at the beginning of this thread?


@benwise: Read the numbers after #9 pls kthxbai

 

honestly you just sound like someone who is mad at the world, most of those are just expressions that aren't supposed to be analyzed literally..

 

You realize it's a joke?

 

I don't say any of those things, so why hate me?

 

LMAO, i agree with most of them

 

Most of the pet peeves are fallacies in a way, a lot of them can be justified with a reasonable answer. Such as "When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?" I've actually said this phrase quite a few times myself, that person who is being asked could've just missed the bus. While the person asking doesn't have any clue. So... the person asking is completely valid in asking if the bus has come yet, because it could've and the person waiting is going to attempt to catch the next ride. Also, "oh my god" is a figure of speech.

 

1. People who post stuff that they find online and claim is as their own in an attempt to be funny.

http://funlok.com/index.php/humor/9-things-i-hate.html