warhead (unfinished)

ok here's a song i made when i was 9 idk if you'll like it because i was pretty young so tell me if i hve potential or i should give up lol


this is a war
we fighting for our lives
kids losin they frends husbans losin they wives
we all dieing by guns an knives
now let me tell you some shit about my enterprise
all they been tryin to do is bring to my demise
yep it's no suprise that all i got was lies
i know all these innocent people be dieing but guess what,
it's your fault for lieing
guns , nukes essantials of war
this is how a soldier burn to the core
head hit's the floor body rotten away.
parents be sad because they aint seein him no more.
guess what the tides have turned
ima be teachin you some lessons that you needed learned
guess what when you been tryin bring to my demise
ive managed to devise and stratagize
a plan that'll make your world come to a end
while im sittin there in my king throne drinkin a bottle of jones
watching them burn your bodys into sand
grittle your bones wit they bare hands.
(done)
so ya i made that when i was 9 so im planning on making a new song and posting it here maybe on youtube dependig if the song i make is to my liking, i try to keep it real and underground. even when i was little kk yall rate 1-10 thanks.

 

it was ok man, just keep workin on it, idk how much youve improved because like you said you were 9, but that was pretty great for a 9 year old...
your gonna do alright man

and btw, that wasnt a song, it was a poem

Songs include: Intro(hook, chorus, short verse)
V1 (16 bars)
ch/hk
V2 (16 bars)
ch/hk
V3 (8/18 bars)
Ch/hk
Outro (repeat hook, or 4 line ending)

~normally anyway, but they atleast need verses and hooks this was just bars so its just a poem.. but a pretty decent one for a 9 year old =D~

 

yeah i can do better now.