little help lyrically

Alright well my cousins friend is doing a battle of the bands thing and needs help with some lyrics and wanted me to write him some lyrics for a song the song had to be pretty easy to do beings they're all quite new to there instruments and he wanted it to be a sad love song.

Anyways I decided to use the solo part of smells like teen spirit by nirvana time is 2:52-3:24 just repeat after verse and chorus any edits will be much appreciated having a real hard time w\ this one for some reason.

 

omg thats nice man i like it , its true and the ryhme is good man

 

This is how I would change it:

 

Thanks for the help etc. going to give them to my cousin.

 

im a newly recording mc i make songs up and got a fuck load pre made. sure for sum payment i cud write tracks as long as u give me a subject. can also sohw u ones ive got ready made as samples to show im not BSIn