Poem I For English Assignment : Little To Little Love

Busy Editing it



Counterfeited Smile
In the start I thought this was going to be worthwhile
To see her , many times I walked a hundred mile


I saw the lies in her eyes, but now I'm left contemplating why
Wondering how I let each one pass by.

She promised to hold onto my heart
I shouldn't have trusted her from the start


Drowning in this loveless mess
She couldn't care about me less

Counterfeit a smile, just for a while till she passes by
Move on now, close your eyes, whisper good bye.



-----Original-------

 

Very beautiful and expressive poem i enjoyed it

 

Like it Macro, you've got a talent! ;D

 

simple and poetic : )

I like it.

however I'd change the first line to "A love built on fake smiles"

and change "She couldn't care about my heart less"
that line is slightly confusing.

 

Changed it a little bit. Opinions please.

 

A typical poem written about a usually type of girl lol. Very good poem!

 

...You did not just rhyme smiles with miles -.-

In short, simple poems, it may be better to extend your parameters to half rhymes. Otherwise, it comes out a bit forced, especially if you're doing an aa bb cc format.

I like the message though; it's a good start.

 

In the end I never questioned why
Wondering how it all passed by.


erm, wondering how all WHAT passed by? Sorry but it was unclear to me

 

I changed it even more.

 

Thats quite good acually lol.

 

I have to write another one based on the topic of "Love"

Any suggestions?

 

Isnt that about love already? Lol.

Btw very good poem I enjoyed to read it.

 

Haha, The teacher thought I plagiarized it from here. I talked to her and its all good.

 

Your teacher knows about Sythe?

 

I love these poems that have meaning and has a nice flow.

 

Thanks for your nice comment, Ko Man.

 

Try and vary your rhyming pattern from AA BB something more complex such as ABCBC Etc. The lyrics are not bad either though they could be a bit more indepth and diverse. Otherwise, not bad.