Life Check

Life check

An angry young man with a gun in his hand,
As he hears the police shout their command.

His first shot, the thought of his starving son.
His second shot, the thought of satisfying his wife.
His third shot, the thought of a roof over their heads.
His fourth shot, the thought of a new beginning.

"Man down, Man down," The police officer yells.
As he gets ready for a battle the end only tells.

His first shot, the thought of a fatherless son.
His second shot, the thought of another widow in this world.
His third shot, the thought of a family with turmoil.
His fourth shot, the thought of a story that should not end.

And so it ends but not as it was planned,
An angry young man with a gun in his hand.
​

 

Beautiful. It captures the essence of a situation like that and what the person must be thinking.

It enlightened me.

 

Thank you, I am going to post more as I find where I put all of these poems

 

I look foward to it.

Do you write for payment?

 

Great job Cfrey, I love it.

 

I was planning to make a book and a writing site but I never had the time to actually go through with it.


Thank you Matt

 

Pretty good, the only thing I did not like was the very ending

"And so it ends but not as it was planned,
An angry young man with a gun in his hand."

You should have ended it with,
"His fourth shot, the thought of a story that should not end."

 

High quality stuff

Sort of reminds me of the song "Bo! Bo! Bo!" by Boogie Down Productions but in a different sense

 

Has a very nice flow and a good rhyming scheme.

 

I was planning to make a book and a writing site but I never had the time to actually go through with it.


Thank you Matt

 

What the hell?

Kudos to you Cfrey. Very well done and very original.

 

Wonderful poem, meaningful. And it gives a good idea of whats going on in the mans head, great job.

I think you should do more work, if its something you enjoy, of course.

 

that was deep