The City We Left Behind.

Streets for the violence,
And sex paying the whores,
A gun for every family,
But just one bullet will do.

To break the strongest bond,
Under a tide of desperation,
A longing for what was once here,
But has long since moved on.

If this city reminds you,
Of a cup of pain and sorrow,
With the trigger pulling moment,
Being the one that hurt most,

To take one step was futile,
But to take a leap would surely miss,
The pace at which to move on,
Another urban myth.

To make any move was foolish,
The gap of error to wide,
But it doesn't really matter anymore,
'Cause our city's been left behind.
Further that you or I can see,
Far, Far, Behind.

Thoughts, Opinions, Etc.

 

This piece reminds me of an old song I liked; Green Day; Jesus of Suburbia.

May I suggest you add something that is your own idea? Most writings like this base on the same points. Some variety would be good; a different way to express a view. Creativity.

If I may ask, what did you write this for?

 

To describe a city.

 

Your city?

Somewhere else?

 

I felt that some lines flowed better than others, but this is suppose to be free verse, I think. I guess its not my favorite style but you did a good job.

 

Just, a city.

 

The story is very nice, a great idea.

The lyrics could be more diverse though.

May I ask what kind of poem you were writing?

 

I'm not sure what you mean by type...

 

Really cool. Reminds me of my hometown (Detroit) very relative to what I've seen. I enjoyed it.

 

Good, I'm glad.