Adblock breaks this site

A Frozen Wedding Dress.

Discussion in 'Music' started by BoxWood, Feb 3, 2009.

  1. BoxWood

    BoxWood Apprentice

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2008
    Posts:
    798
    Referrals:
    0
    Sythe Gold:
    0
    A Frozen Wedding Dress.

    Kissable and quaint,
    But I was never satisfied,
    For under such fragile hands,
    My heart only lusted for more,
    And as I left in a clock of shame and hunger,
    In a rush of the explicit unthinkable,
    A vision shrouded in cloud and mist,
    A frontseat showing for what was about to be undone,

    'O The Betrayer, he heard me loud and clear.
    My need for lustrous curves and glistening eyes,
    To be held in soft hands once again,

    But now he'll take my hand,
    And quench my breath,

    And show me that for a guttering need,
    All I would find,
    Is a map of tears across the floor,
    And a frozen wedding dress left behind.


    Thoughts?
     
  2. Ballin Boi

    Ballin Boi Guru

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2008
    Posts:
    1,536
    Referrals:
    3
    Sythe Gold:
    0
    A Frozen Wedding Dress.

    Very insightful. Sounds like someone raging about a feud with a lover.

    So, who wrote this?
     
  3. BoxWood

    BoxWood Apprentice

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2008
    Posts:
    798
    Referrals:
    0
    Sythe Gold:
    0
    A Frozen Wedding Dress.

    Urm, me?
     
  4. The True Gears

    The True Gears Guest
    $5 USD Donor

    Referrals:
    1
    A Frozen Wedding Dress.

    I'd rate it at a 6-7\10

    Im not quite sure what else to say about it, just keep up the good work and maybe work on your rhyme a little bit.

    I realize you didnt try to rhyme on this one, it wasnt the point.

    I just prefer rhyme :)
     
  5. BoxWood

    BoxWood Apprentice

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2008
    Posts:
    798
    Referrals:
    0
    Sythe Gold:
    0
    A Frozen Wedding Dress.

    Haha, Okay. ;)
     
  6. Cho

    Cho Apprentice

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2008
    Posts:
    650
    Referrals:
    0
    Sythe Gold:
    0
    A Frozen Wedding Dress.

    I find myself just scanning through these.

    Rhymes seem to keep people more captivated.
     
  7. BoxWood

    BoxWood Apprentice

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2008
    Posts:
    798
    Referrals:
    0
    Sythe Gold:
    0
    A Frozen Wedding Dress.

    To me rhymes are pretty boring, too repetitive.
     
  8. Iam Satan

    Iam Satan Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2009
    Posts:
    197
    Referrals:
    0
    Sythe Gold:
    1
    A Frozen Wedding Dress.

    Rhymes are only repetitive if you're not creative. I almost always rhyme, so when I put up some of my stuff, you can let me know what you think of it. Otherwise good job - I appreaciated the words you used as well, not too simple but they don't come out as trying to be something too far-fetched.
     
  9. BoxWood

    BoxWood Apprentice

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2008
    Posts:
    798
    Referrals:
    0
    Sythe Gold:
    0
    A Frozen Wedding Dress.

    Thanks.
     
< I am A little.... | Poem I For English Assignment : Little To Little Love >


 
 
Adblock breaks this site