Me 'rapping' in the park.

Lol - just rate

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=DDWuwAxUh5A

He wanted to die
wanted to try
all these toxins that helped people get high
glares from people nearby
he gave them black eyes
and in the morning he stared at the sky
wondering why he was
a different type of guy
He curled up in bed in the middle of the night
and tried to stiffle his cry
his messed up life,
brought heavy tears to his eyes
and no matter how hard he'd try
they wouldnt subside
bcos all these people they lied
people his spent his life alongside
his parents - looked through their child as if
he were transperent, theyd prey
on his social life, and they pri on his might
destroying everything he worked for
including his pride
including the happiness that he tried to hide
overrun by anger and hate inside
he would try to lie
but it never came out right
satan sent the invite, he reached out grabbed
no fear and without fright
coldness unite darkness destroy the light

In just one week he turn vile
so vile he forgot how to smile
a screw face that made hard men run miles
the iconoclast of denials
putting haters to trial
jekyl to hide by smashing the vials

He wielded his emotions on his holster
the revolver was loaded with hate
he was hells soldier
his destiny his fate to create
a living nightmare in the eye of the beholder

And he had not one care, as he sat in his room
on his broken chair, shaving off his hair,
the rebel who dashed pebbles, stealing
dinner money from jack susie and neville
accomplice of the devil
eating his conscience on a different level
He was what he despised, a bully disguised
in a muderers attire and in assasins lies
Blood and war brought fire to his eyes
he couldn't snap out of the hypnotic narcotic
like a drug feeding him, death to antibiotics
and the armies full of robotics
He was an outcast
miserable warrior erasing his past
contrasting the everlasting smiles that passed
torn away from the people
born into a life that was surrounded by needles
he was on the wrong side of the steeple
Bought by the leagues of evil

that dragged him underground
tried to smother his sound
they tried to drown his personality
he was confound in his own fatality
spiritually lost in reality
enraged demon, the caged freeman
alone and everybody feared im

But he realized his wrongs
and devised a plan to belong
be baptized with feelings and
surprise the squealing nation of broken minds
he needs forgivenes - restoration to mankind
pull out the daggers from peoples behind s
He was blind - it hurt his mind to look back
on the attacks he signed souls of
strangers, it enraged endangers as his fury
started to decline


He went to church and kneeled on the perch
tyrant fool of god restarting the search
his mischievous mind was blank
bullets and shanks
money in banks people on the ground
armies and tanks - heartless thoughts
left him distraught as he fought the darkness
sparkless, he caught the worm that
plagued his life and turned it vaught
from 60 to naught he stood up
and grabbed the hapiness he sought ​

 

Im tired of being Disrespectful. Although you tried me in the battle thread. Your lyrics were good, most likely sounded better with your accent, but your trying for way too much speed. Rap is about freedom of expression, so what anyone here says, doesnt matter a damn, but if your going to ask our opinions, then thats my input.

 

You gotta slow your shit down man. The beat is slower than the way you are rapping. Create verses, and just take a short amount of time to break in between thoughts.

Good lyrics but I think you need to work on the actual rapping part.

 

Rap is rapping, not naming words off fast.

 

Cute.

Thanks for input
lol.

in case you didnt hear the real version...

Hmmm thanks- every time I try its always the speed concerned.

although i cant see how much more i can slow down. =\

Excuse me?
their not just 'words'. They in turn have meaning when put together.

Honestly - Show me YOUR rap and I will take heed to your words.


Oh...

Sorry - did you say something?
I kinda skimed over the crap you wrote and let a fellow member tear you apart for me.
(Looks down on you)

 

Dude you have inspiration...Change some music...

 

come again? sounded like good feedback -
what u mean change some music btw? lol:embar:

 

need to work on ur breathing a bit, u ran out of breath a few times in the middle of words. also try and put a bit of feeling in, could tell you were just reading it off and sounded a bit boring. also u got out of time a few times.
definitely potential though, get someone who isnt an idiot to video u as well.

 

thanks for that :love:

see - my memory is terrible... so i cant feel whem im looking on words lol.

Ill try harder next time though i promise


oh and as for that idiot - yeh... i gave him a lesson lol.

 

a fail imo, of a goodrap fan thats listened 2 rap sence the 90's, imo u tried 2 hard, the speed didnt help u at all, rap is suppose 2 be a freedom of ixpression imo, and what u have came threw, the struggle, ur in a park trying 2 rap 2 quick over a beat, flow game is totaly wack..., style is wack, inspiration is u tryed 2 hard a outdone rapper, but missed the beat.

ur wordgame is wack, ur flow is wack , no emotion in the rap/lyrics, imo... ur just trying to be 2 hard to try n rap, theres a actual culture etc beneath it. feels to me like u just disprected everything about rap, realise it aint just over fast flow, honestly imo gtfo./ try harder next time pls, but dont make me waste my time

 

cute. :noworry:

you've become a milestone suh.

 

You call yourself a hiphop fan, talk about respecting the culture. Hip hop was a way for people to express themselves when other people put them down.
Theres absolutely nothing positive about what you said, its just putting him down. if you really respected the true culture of hip hop you would give him advice and help him instead of just telling him to gtfo and try harder. TBH in that post u sound like ur typical 50 cent fanboy who thinks he is gangsta cos he "liek totally loves rap music".

 

^^^ stop riding triggas dick kid..

 

teh don

all i want is constructive criticism
and besides... you cant destroy my enthusiam

 

Soz e-thug.

 

I thought it was quite good well done.
I wouldnt mind listning to a diffrent one
Without the anoying person in!

 

I mean get some new background...Btw nice words.

 

thanks for all the feedback.

Ill try harder on the next vid lol